I (19F) just found out that my boyfriend (21M) cheated on me with my best friend (20F). We’ve been together for almost 2 years, and I honestly thought we’d get married one day.
I feel so betrayed and stupid, but at the same time, I can’t imagine my life without him. He says it was a one-time mistake, he was drunk, and he’s begging me for another chance. My best friend says it just “happened” and she regrets it too. But she wasn’t drinking 😀..
Part of me wants to just cut them both off forever, but another part of me keeps thinking maybe we can fix this somehow.
Is it normal to even consider staying with him after something like this? Has anyone ever made it work after cheating?
I feel like such an idiot but I don’t know what to do.
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cut them both out of your life, no regrets. She is the WORST friend who was never a friend and him blaming being drunk is just dumb….you deserve better
Op I hope you never forgive them. Cut them both off and just continue to build yourself up.
You’re 19. Cut them off, get new and better friends.
I was with someone that was the best thing in my life recently, when everything else was shit. For some reason I looked through her phone and found what I didn’t want to find. Things were going so damn good and I couldn’t imagine my life without her, so I stayed with her. The problem was that the trust was gone. I knew what she was capable of. It affected my confidence and self worth. I was always suspicious, jealous, and possessive after that. After a month she broke it off with me.
My point is that I know exactly what you’re feeling right now and the lose lose dilemma. It will never be the same though, as unfortunate as it is. You can drag it out and delay the inevitable, but in my experience and opinion, you have to break it off now and start healing asap.
That sucks. I vote cut them off too. But if you’re still feeling like going back to them, at the very least you should spend time away from them for a while so that you can think straight and clear before you make a decision.
ok so this has happened to me before so i’m so sorry it’s truly the worse and i’m sending you the biggest hug. i know it’s not easy and at the end of the day you do what feels right for you. but i would really advise cutting off that friend and breaking up with your bf. the fact that she wasn’t even drunk is a huge red flag and does not seem like a true friend/trustworthy person that appreciates your friendship. if you don’t cut her off she will feel that you will always forgive her and she will most likely either sleep with him again or not respect that line for anyone you date in the future. if you stay with your bf, you will most likely not trust him moving forward and feel anxious about what he’s really doing. i think you shouldn’t settle for this behavior cause no one deserves to experience that and it doesn’t matter how drunk you are, him saying that is a cop out.
This is a no-brainer. Cut them both off. He’s a terrible boyfriend and she’s an even worse friend. Just be thankful that you figured this out now before you wasted any more time on either one of them.
Cut both of them off, she isn’t your friend and this wasn’t a one-off “mistake” by your boyfriend.
You’re young, don’t tie yourself down to such terrible people.
I cut contact with both of them.. You guys are right, i deserve better 🫶🏻
You are so young, sweet girl. Do not stay with someone who would cheat on you with your best friend. (Also, do not stay friends with that friend.) There are billions of men on this planet who do not cheat, do not violate your trust, do not disrespect you. Trust me when I say you don’t want to marry the guy you’re dating at 19 who cheated on you with your best friend. You get to decide whether he’s going to cheat on you again or if he’s going to cheat on someone else. Let him go learn his life lessons. You deserve better and you’ll find better easily.
Walk away. You will be dodging two bullets. It’s better to break up now than in ten years with two kids. She’s not your friend and he’s not the one. You are young and you will find someone who will love you, be loyal to you and build a life with you.
It’s normal to have that feeling of “I don’t know how to live without him” at this age, but I guarantee you can, and your life will be much better for it. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are good for you, and he’s shown himself to be a cheating, toxic partner who you cannot trust again.
I see from a recent comment that you’ve cut contact and that is great news – proud of you!! I hope you can surround yourself with good supportive friends/family.
Yeah you can fix this for sure just love him even more and he will never leave you.
The pain of keeping both of them will be greater than letting them go
Please don’t forgive him, cut both of them off and live your best life. They don’t deserve your forgiveness, what they did is unforgivable.
This happened to my niece. At the same age too. She dumped the boyfriend and best friend without blinking an eye. Now, 8 years later, she is with a husband that looks like a model and who makes great money. In a new house, and they just had their first child.
Don’t settle for two people who would betray you like this. And don’t look back.
Cut both of them lose . It’s not about him or her . It’s you . How’d you forget and forgive and be one of those loser ?
Maybe you can fix it? Why on earth would you want anything to do with them? They are trash. Your best friend and BF f!cked. Do you really want to be in the same room with them? Ever? It would be a Hell No for me.
If you forgive them, they will do it again and again.
Never look at them again. You don’t know them. They are invisible.
I forgave my ex-boyfriend for cheating on me, he continued to cheat the entirety of the 3.5 years we were together. Don’t be me, please save yourself the heartache. You’re so young and I bet you’re beautiful, don’t waste your youth pining for a guy who isn’t worth the mud under your heel!
Hugs 🤗
Cut them both off, and I’m sorry to let you know not only was this not your best friend but this wasn’t a friend.. just a snake in the garden
When you tolerate a behavior from someone you are teaching them that you are willing to accept less for yourself and that will become the standard you set for your relationships. You need to remove them both from your life
Was it a kiss or did they sleep together ?
Cheating is an addiction. Sex from cheating is the most intense enjoyable thing in the world. Believe to a fact that this will not be a first or a last. As for your friend she was never a friend as soon as she desired your man. You are young you have options in life.
Dump them both immediately and go no contact, block, whatever you need to do to distance yourself from them both. Neither of them care about you at all. It’s your job to care for yourself.You will never be able to trust either one of them again. Self love wins every time.❤️ You’re way too young for this nonsense. Have fun learning about and loving YOU.
Its normal to consider it after putting the effort into the relationship, however once is enough, dump them and leave. Cheaters dont deserve second chances.
Your “best friend” wants to fuck your guy and always has.
IF you can forgive him, which is not advisable but you probably will, you can never forgive her. The well is poisoned, you can’t have both of them in your life. Choose wisely…she will do it again. He might or might not, but she definitely will. This was calculated on her part.
Take a MINIMUM 30 day break from both of them (more like 2-3 months, but start with 1) and only reassess after you’ve had time to think without heartbreak. It’ll take you 30 days to break the attachment and be able to view this objectively.
I read that you cut them off in one of your comments but I just want to assure you that you did the right thing. If you would have stayed with him and continued being friends with her, they would have just been more clever with their cheating. Also, no good friend would ever think about cheating with YOUR guy. Period! That type of friend has no impulse control and certainly does not think about you first! She has no moral compass and will only worsen with time!! Good ridden to them both!
Cut them both out it doesn’t just happen it’s a series of choices
Cut them out and move on. You won’t be able to actually move on from this (nor should you) and it will inevitably break you up anyway.
Being drunk might make something more likely, but truly loyal people client cheat even when drinking. He made a choice to do this and disrespect you. Same obviously goes for your friend
So my question is, is there any chance at all your friend took advantage of the fact that your bf was drinking? Was he drunk enough that consent was either not clear or not given at all?
Dump your friend either way, she was sober and knew what she was doing. Your bf either needs to be dumped, or he needs to be assisted through the realization that he was not a willing participant. You need to figure out which it is, and if it is the latter, you have to figure out how to handle THAT. Even knowing he was unwilling, if he was, won’t make things instantly better or easy. It would still need many things for you to work out. If it is the former though, you need to figure out how much hard work you are willing to take on for him to make things right. Neither way is going to be easy.
I just want to add, male rape is so rare for men to discuss openly, many men don’t recognize it when it has happened to them. Heck, many women don’t recognize it even though we discuss it all the time, because it can be masked in many ways. Him saying it was a one-time mistake doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape or coercion. It could be, it might not be. You have to do some questioning to get to the correct answer here.
This is why I don’t trust women and don’t have many women friends..I am a woman. I know how conniving some women can be. I am sorry you are going through this. They deserve each other. If the cheated with them they will cheat on them.