I want to know, from a man’s perspective, why y’all cheated on your partner (specifically if she truly made you happy, and she was your dream woman). I, 23F, got cheated on by my bf (21M), and he keeps telling me over and over that he will do ANYTHING for me to stay with him/build the trust back. He can’t give me a reason as to why he cheated, other than stating, “It was a horrible decision and I don’t know why I did it.” He claims I am enough, and that I am the woman of his dreams, and he knew by the second week of us being together that he could picture marrying me and having a family. Men who have cheated, can you give any insight on an experience similar to this, and explain from your POV why you cheated on your partner? And women who have stayed after your partner cheated, how is it going now, and what steps did you take to work through it?
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I picked up my poo from the toilet and put it on my friends food. Ive been guilty about it ever since, any advice?
If he doesn’t know why he did it, then you shouldn’t know why you should get back with him. You can’t rebuild without knowing the ‘why’.
A cheater will always cheat, they don’t need a “reason” and just care about getting off. Don’t take him back and seek counseling
He knows exactly why he did it: it’s because he wanted to. He doesn’t want to admit that, in the hopes that you’ll chalk it up to an “accident” and forgive him for it.
By forgiving him, you’re telling him that it’s okay to do it, and there’s no reason for him to not do it again. There’s no path to forgiveness if he can’t even tell you why he did it.
there’s no excuse to cheating and no reasoning behind it. Save yourself and stop wasting your time with this low life.
He’s a liar. Don’t believe him
Leave. Do not waste another minute on him.
Red flags all around. Second week telling you he sees you as his wife. But cheats on you the moment your back is turned… OP do you not hear yourself? Why on earth would you want to work through this? What would you be telling you sister or best friend if this was her BF?….
Raise your bar! Raise your standards! Dump this loser!
He did it because he wanted to. That’s really all there is to it.
Most men are “opportunist” cheaters, as backed by studies. Meaning, if an opportunity to cheat arises, they cave in. Maybe he is telling the truth somewhat, but his words have no value. He will cheat again, that you can trust.
Cut your losses. Cheating is only tied to his character flaws, not yours. Find someone who values loyalty and who lives by his values. Don’t waste your time.
I’m not a man… but a once a cheater always a cheater
He must be able to dig deep and tell you the real reason he cheated, or there’s absolutely no way you can move past this. I’m so sorry this happened to you girl and remember whatever decision you make is okay.
Cut it off. If you give him one more chance and if he ends up cheating on you again, you’ll be blamed for giving him the benefit of doubt in the first place.
Why does any partner cheat.?.. The reasons are infinite but mostly, if your dealing with two good people who have the “good intentions” of sharing their lives together but end up cheating I think it boils down to feelings of their lives not seeming like what the “believe” they’ve pictured life being…ie: stuck in a rut, money problems, lack of excitement or free time, alternating time off different than their partner’s time off… It can also be that their partner isn’t satisfying their needs for sex but more likely the intimacy that goes along with sex… If they’re just living together but not married then one can feel like there is no real commitment… I gotta go but Good luck…
Why would you want to rebuild trust? Do you own a house together? Are there children? Did you co-sign a large loan, or own a business together?
I mean seriously. My children know about consequences.
You’re way too young to waste your time with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to stay faithful.
Dump his sad, sorry as$ and find real love.
Any man or woman. who cheats is disrespecting the relationship and partner there is no excuse for it whatsoever. Drugs and drinking not an excuse. When your with someone that’s all that should matter is them no one else. He doesn’t care doesn’t love he is hoping you will be nieve enough to ignore his disrespect and stay if you have any respect for yourself move on and tell him sorry you screwed up and I can’t trust or marry someone or be with someone I can’t trust.
If there isn’t a specific reason it’s because he just wanted to. I’ve noticed this a lot with cheaters honestly they do it without thinking they don’t think ahead and don’t think about the consequences of their actions
Don’t stay with him. Honestly it destroys your mental health trying not to be paranoid and worried about what he is doing all the time and it’s a nightmare.
I stayed when I caught my ex and then 8 months later found out he did it again and so I left him. Those 8 months were honestly worse mentally than leaving him afterwards, which was hard and sad but at least each day was a step towards recovering and moving on.
I’m a man, and I’ve tried to think through what might make someone cheat, even when they’re in a loving relationship. The only scenario I can imagine being tempted by is the thrill of the forbidden, a kind of transgression kink. But even then, I wouldn’t act on it because I have a conscience, I respect my wife deeply, and I value my relationship far more than a fleeting impulse.
That said, I somewhat understand how infidelity can happen in a dead bedroom situation, when emotional or physical needs go unmet for a long time and communication breaks down. But even then, it’s still a cowardly and hurtful path. Cheating, to me, is taking the easy, selfish way out instead of having the hard conversation or leaving.
As for your situation: if he can’t explain why he did it, that’s a red flag because he is lying or has no ability for introspection to avoid this from happening again. You can’t rebuild trust if he doesn’t even understand what led him to break it. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to trust someone again after that.
I really feel for you. Whatever you decide, just make sure it’s based on what you need to heal, not what he needs to feel better about what he did.
I am stuck wondering if its worse or better that he had no reason to do it. I despise cheating and I believe there is never a “good” reason to cheat, its just plain selfishness.
Some men cheat because they cant handle their insecurities, desires or cant truly commit to just one person. Some other men cheat because they are sexually frustrated or just players.
But cheating without none of those reasons? He is either lying and knows way too well why he did it or he is just sick as a person. Regardless of the reason you are better off without him. He will do ANYTHING? Tell him to go back in time and not cheat 👍🏻
Not a man, can’t give you that insight, but as a woman older than you – LEAVE now. Not in a year, not in 5 years. LEAVE and do not take him back. You are worth more than a cheater.
For men, cheating is an impulse control issue. It usually doesn’t reflect on you or the state of the relationship, as opposed to when women cheat. Testosterone is a hell of a drug. Women don’t get this, but most men have a constant impulse in the back of their head telling them to fuck people they are physically attracted to. Someone who cheats is just scratching that itch, and has stopped caring about controlling it. He will do it again.
Think of this way. We’ve all had the impulse to punch someone in the face at some point in our lives. Most of us are capable of not acting on this and will never act on it. Some people do, often. What do we think of these people? Is it rational to trust these people? Are these people that most of us want to spend time with?
The “once a cheater, always a cheater” mantra is generally correct.
“I dont know why I did it” means he did it because he’s selfish af and doesnt care about you, truly. Only about his penis. Fuck him. You can do better.
He is just a bad person. There is no unique perspective that is even remotely legit. Save yourself the trouble and never see him again and resume with your life.
Because most men are dogs/pigs and can’t control the urge if another woman/p**+y is being offered to that man… When I say most men I’m generally speaking about men in the 16-45 yr old range…before 16yrs most still a virgin and after 45yrs have already cheated and have lived thru the horrible scenario/situation and won’t cause that type of drama again..
As someone who has been cheated on in the past, it’s best to just walk away. That trust is already broken, and even if you try to fix things, you will likely not be able to look at him the same as you once did. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you to find the right person. Please don’t let him hold you back.
Can you enlighten us on what happened? Reddit is black and white on cheating. I usually am but I guess I recognise that shit happens sometimes. That being said it’s really going to depend on the circumstances, how far he went, was it a stranger? Was it one time? Was he drunk? Or was this a deliberate thing where he had a relationship with someone else? Let’s start there…
You deserve better. Don’t date an insecure loser who needs to prove to himself that he’s desirable by cheating.
Crazy you still calling him your bf! Once a cheater always one
He cheated because the opportunity revealed itself and he wanted to. That’s it.
Men no longer have a monopoly on cheating (never did, really). Cheaters are motivated by: emotional immaturity, poor impulse control and an undeserved sense of entitlement. It’s never about their betrayed partner.
Just a suggestion, don’t ask cheaters why they cheat.
They will just rationalise their behaviour and you might even start to believe them. You might even feel sorry for them. Some of them are really good at manipulating the rules to suit themselves.
It doesn’t matter why they cheated. Cheating is never a single event. It’s backed by lies, sneaking, hiding and breaking the heart of the people they claim to love.
They are lacking in basic honesty, integrity and human decency. They cannot and should not be believed.
Only interview cheaters if you are doing a study on human deviancy.
He cheated because he is a cheater.
The dream woman is a lie based on his actions
I stayed with someone who cheated. I never felt the same about him and stopped loving him over time.
It’s rarely ever about you as a person, really, it’s about them and who they are as a person. He wanted to cheat and didn’t stop himself. Love wasn’t strong enough to stop him, neither were his morals. And unfortunately if you do take them back, they are very likely to do it again. Why? Because no consequences came of it. Why wouldn’t they?
And even if he doesn’t, you’ll always be torturing yourself wondering if he is. It’s not worth it. You have to understand that you deserve more. Even now you’re questioning your own worth instead of his.
Don’t break your own heart by staying.
DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM! He cheated, he doesn’t know why and he is going to cheat again. If you truly were the woman of his dreams, he wouldn’t have cheated.
Because dudes are dicks and dudes have dicks
If he knew you were the one, he wouldn’t have cheated, sis. Cheaters always cheat, again.
Get out of this relationship and get full STD/STI testing done.
Why are you asking other people when the reason your dude cheated is all about him. It could be learned behavior, low impulse control, he was bored, or he doesn’t love you as much as he says. These are a few possible reasons. Everyone’s experience will be different. Can you rebuild trust? Who knows, that’s up to you and him. You have trust that he won’t cheat, even though you know better. He has to not lie & cheat even though he is capable of it and he has done so in the past
The reason he did it is because he’s sexually attracted to other women , and that’s something every man has to deal with , but what differentiates us all is the ability to create moral foundations and boundaries that separate us from the cheaters .
Him cheating is a reflection that he has an ecosystem of beliefs that lead to justifying his action , and he may only understand this at an intuitive level , given that he supposedly doesn’t have a clear understanding of his behavior ( which is also a red flag ). If he doesn’t address his fundamentals he will likely not change , especially since he doesn’t seem to have access to them, unless he needs more time to think..
I’d end it
I’m afraid he lied to you, and he’s lying to himself if believes you’re the one. Apparently you’re not the one because he still cheated.
If he already knew he would want to marry you someday and still cheated then I imagine he will also cheat if you were to marry him. He doesn’t respect you. He just likes what you do for him. Get tested and move on.
As a man who was cheated on, repeatedly, by my ex-wife…leave. it’ll just keep happening, especially since he is taking zero accountability.