tl;dr, He is moving out of our apartment after living together but we are not breaking up, I can’t shake the feeling that this means we shouldn’t be together.
Me and my boyfriend have been together since I was 18. At the time it really felt like we were perfect. We have been living together since may, and ever since the beginning it has been terrible. We can’t find routines, and i’m feeling suffocated from the lack of alone time. I work 7 days a week and he works about 2-3 days a week, which means that I am never really home alone.
We don’t go on dates or plan fun things to do now that we live together, instead we just passive aggressively do the housework (if it even gets done..) and go to sleep. Recently it has also felt like we don’t have as much in common anymore, and we prefer to be with our friends instead of going on a date.
We have tried to go on dates again, but it doesn’t really feel the same now that we have so much time together anyway. We have decided to move away from each other, but stay together. I just keep wondering if there is something wrong with me for not being able to live with someone I really love, and if it means that we aren’t that compatible in the long run?
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It does sound like you’re incompatible, yes.
You have to ask yourself, would you be genuinely happy being in a relationship where you never live together? Do you want marriage, kids? They aren’t impossible while living apart but much, much harder. Paying for two different rents means you don’t really have a safety net if one of you becomes ill/loses your job etc. it seems like more stress than it’s worth.
Unfortunately this does sound like it’s incompatibility. A lot of times couples have a great dynamic until they move in together. That’s Because moving in together exposes a lot of things about each other that you wouldn’t have otherwise noticed before- routines, bad habits, quirks etc.
It seems like you guys are a little in denial and prolonging a split at this point. If you can’t live together then how will you move forward? Are you going to be married living separately? Having kids? Does this set up really seem ideal for a long term relationship?
I understand you’ve been together for a while but it’s ok if it turns out that you have outgrown each other or are just flat out not compatible.
Sure sounds like you two have sort of outgrown this relationship.
Old people tend to shit on the strength and staying power of young relationships and young people think it’s a dig on maturity level. But it isn’t. It’s just that old people were young once and they know that period from 18-25ish is a freaking rollercoaster.
You change SO MUCH, SO QUICKLY in that period. And often that means changing in ways that make you suddenly incompatible with someone you were perfectly in sync with just moments ago.
It just sounds like you and your boyfriend experienced some rapid changes and your love for one another was strong enough to cover for it for a while but cohabitation brought all those misalignments into the light.
Anyway, I think you know what the answer here is. It sucks but… it is what it is.