Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 8 months. I manage a bar and my employee, the AGM, gave me a short side hug while he was sitting there and now my boyfriend is mad at me. He said it’s crossing over his boundaries and wants me to talk to my employee about hugging/touching me. I really don’t want to do it. I have had to have talks with this employee before about pulling peoples hair or touching their backs or other things that were genuinely inappropriate and he has stopped. I don’t think he crossed any boundary this time with a short side hug. My boyfriend has also accused me of looking at other guys while we’re out doing stuff at Walmart, the river, etc. We met because he started working at this restaurant but when we started talking, he quit and found another side job as this was his 2nd job anyways. While he worked there, he said I flirted with other coworkers like a 19 year old college guy and some of the bar regulars. I don’t know what to do. I don’t look at other guys when we’re out and I don’t flirt with anyone other than him. I’m over always being accused of looking or flirting with other people and I don’t want to confront an employee for giving me a side hug.
TL;DR: What do I do? Am I in the wrong? Am I not respecting his boundaries
Comments
Your boyfriend is insecure af.
Also, that’s not what a boundary is. This will get worse
Your boyfriend is jealous and controlling. These are red flags for future abusive behaviour.
Also, he is purposefully using the word boundary to manipulate you. A boundary is something a person puts in place for their own behaviour or pertaining to themselves ie. “I will have one drink and that’s my boundary” or “I do not want anyone touching my super expensive rare vase, that’s my boundary”. Your boyfriend dictating who can and can’t touch you is just controlling behaviour.
I’d get out if I were you. This type of behaviour rarely ever gets better.
The absolute state of dating in this country. The things people put up with! If getting hugs from your friends is a boundary for your boyfriend, you should just break up with him.
I hug all kinds of people. It is not sexual at all. I hug women, and their husband is right there. Your boyfriend is insecure