My boyfriend 23M and I 23F have been dating for about 2.5 years. Something happened last week with him and I’m not really sure how to feel about it. Our relationship has had a lot of ups and downs, but this moment really scared me and I’d love to hear some other peoples perspectives.
Last week we were driving back from a weekend trip with a friend of mine and while we were all in the car, and at some point during the drive, my boyfriend suddenly went completely silent. He just stopped responding, started breathing really heavily, and wouldn’t tell us what was wrong. It went on for at least 30 minutes and the entire time he was driving really fast. We asked him to pull over but he still wouldn’t say anything. Eventually, without warning, he punched the steering wheel really hard. It really scared both me and my friend and I had know idea what to say or do. A little while later, he finally told us that he was upset because he had recently found out his dad (who’s not in his life) had hit a family member, and it brought up a lot of emotions for him. But this was the first time he mentioned it, and the reaction seemed so extreme and just came out of nowhere. He’s mentioned before that he used to have anger issues as a kid and would punch walls and tiles and has also punched walls in college, but he hasn’t been physically aggressive toward me. But this felt really unsettling to me.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking it or if this is a serious red flag. This is the first time he’s done something like this around me or anyone else. I’ve just been feeling a little confused and anxious since that night. I want to talk to him and explain how it made me feel and how scared I was. What should I say to him so that he understands how serious this is and that if we are going to stay together that I have to trust that something like this won’t happen again?
TL;DR: My boyfriend 23M went silent, started breathing heavily, started driving really fast, and punched the steering wheel while driving me 23F and my friend. It scared me. What should I say to him and to be able to stay in the relationship but feel safe?
Comments
This sounds like a type of mental health episode?
Tell him you’re uncomfortable with what happened and have a conversation about therapy. No ultimatums, just love and concern. Good luck
Tell him that he put you, your friend, and himself at risk with his reckless behavior, and ask him what he plans to do to address it.
If he claims that it’s not a problem, or has no plan, then it will happen again, or similar risk-taking behavior will take its place.