Hoping to get some well rounded advice on my current situation!
My boyfriend is extremely insecure. I didn’t realise this at first as his naturally quite confident and charismatic. We’ve only been dating since March so it’s still somewhat fresh.
For context, I work in the real estate industry and my workplace has a lot of people my age. We are naturally a very social and outgoing group and I have made some lifelong girl friends here. I have also become good friends with a couple guys here, some more of a mentor type relationship who have genuinely helped me through a lot of hardships in my life. I value all my friendships here and do not view any men here as anything but a friend.
Basically my boyfriend has made it very clear to me that he does not like any of the guys at my workplace and finds it very strange that I follow my male friends on my socials. He says my socials should be “private” and reserved for close friends? Something happened that set this off – where a guy from a different office replied to my story and said I was sitting super close to him at a sports game (I was with my bf at this game) and never saw my colleague there. This colleague then sent me a “fit check” which I thought was a little strange but I didn’t play into it. Kept the convo brief, but I wasn’t going to be rude to someone in my company? My bf also finds it really weird that my personal and work life are so intertwined and has made me feel like this is an odd dynamic to have. I have asked him what he wants me to do, because I am not quitting my job. We had an argument about this but it just went around in circles and we didn’t resolve it…but we moved on.
Fast foward to this week. We were having a normal conversation and he asks me how my day was. I say it was good, and that I caught up with some people who had just gotten back from there trip. He replied saying “Awesome. Perfect. Probs got to chat about how many people they fucked raw” and I said no it was actually a girl friend that I spoke too. He then continued to say “Probably wouldn’t trust her. After all she works for your company”. I decided I wasn’t going to take these comments anymore and called him out on it, saying it wasn’t fair. As you can imagine, it blew up from there.
He cannot get past this idea that the men at work are all creeps and are after me. It’s very off putting and seems like he does not trust me? I havnt given him any reason to not trust me so it’s all a bit mentally taxing
He said that he is really struggling with our relationship and wants to take a break. I asked him what we do from here and said “I don’t want to talk about this while we’re both at work. you’re probably telling everyone there” and now hasn’t spoken to me for 2 days.
The gag is, he is doing his certificate as he wants to work in real estate! Why would he want to work in an industry he despises? He has said all men in this industry are creeps and cheat
TL;DR My boyfriend is very insecure that I work with and am friends with guys from work. I have never given him a reason not to trust me yet his making this seem like it’s my fault?
Comments
You’ve been dating since March. I’d move on. That comment about your colleague telling you about his sex life is honestly crazy.
Well first, was your boyfriend aware of this dynamic when you first got together? If he was then he knew what he was getting into. He can’t complain because he moved forward with the relationship knowing that you have a good bond with your coworkers.
Also it’s pretty evident that he has some kind of past relationship trauma and is projecting that all onto you. I would suggest tackling this before it gets worst because it always does. Do not attempt to sweep this under the rug because These types of issues don’t just disappear, they’re bound to pop up again later. Especially because work is a major part of your life. He sounds like he isn’t ready to even be in a relationship until he gets past these issues if you ask me.
Bounce – he will make your life a living hell.
There’s nothing you can ever do to make him understand not all men are creeps like him. Every accusation is a confession.
Your boyfriend is being really weird and creepy and his behavior is setting off alarm bells. He’s making moves to start controlling everything you do. Those arguments are intended to tire you out so you give in to whatever he says. You should dump him because if you stay he will start rolling out even worse behavior.