Please help me out. Me and my boyfriend are in a long term relationship of 6 whole years. We both are doctors and made through med school together. This last 1 year has been nothing but full of abuse and fights. I compromised all of the times, trying to stick to his ways. When I would approach him to tell him that his ways are hurting my feelings, his only reply was, “This is how I am, if you want to stay with me, stay, if not leave me. Don’t stay here for even a minute longer.” I didn’t want to hurt myself by leaving him because I literally loved him so much. I was 18 when I first met him, he was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first hug. It would hurt me so much to leave him. Today, i was texting my brother a reply to his text while I was with him at a shop. My bf snapped at me and asked me to show him the text. I asked him, “why are you so insecure about my brother though?” He said he was just joking and brushed it off. But I was unhappy with how he responded. He is the kind of person who doesn’t make up for his actions, doesn’t acknowledge my feelings, never ready for a conversation. We came back to his place and he slapped me and asked me to leave. I asked him the reason of his animal like behaviour, he said I dont want to look at your face anymore, I dont need you anymore, and he slapped me twice more. In my defense I scratched his arms. He then framed me as an ‘abusive girlfriend’. He has done this before too, he has dragged me by my hair, punched me on my back, strangulated me, and he has tagged all of my defensive actions like pushing him away with my hands, minor scratches as ‘abusive’ and has made me feel guilty about my actions.
I am very confused right now. My photo is on his phone wallpaper. All of his passwords are literally my name. He does cute gestures most of the times. But when he is angry, the demon comes out. We have never ever sat down for a conversation in 6 whole years. Our fights always include verbal and emotional abuse. He always frames me as the guilty one. I always come back and apologize and he acts lovey dovey again. In front of our friends, he is perceived as an ideal boyfriend, who loves his ‘angry, sad, abusive’ girlfriend.
I am still at his place right now, not able to go out in such a horrible state, with his handprints on both my cheeks. He has been constantly yelling at me, “Aren’t you ashamed? It’s over now, just leave the house bitch.” What is the next step? I know I must leave him ASAP. Please help me out!
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Didn’t even have to read all this to know that this sounds like a guy you need to make your “ex” bf
Leave the house is the next step.
He’s physically abusing you, it will only get worse.
Best advice, take a picture of your face and call the cops.
So you know you should leave him, what is stopping you? I mean, if you’re a doctor, can you afford to go get your own place if you live with him? Or are you afraid he’s going to come after you or something?
And it’s very common for abusers to wait until a “milestone“ like marriage or having a kid before they start abusing. Yours is another example of that.
Girl get out of there
Girl wtf do you want to hear exactly? End this disaster of a relationship! He is literally beating you?!? This can’t be what you want for the rest of your life.
Are you comming back for Round 2?
I know it’s so hard for you because you love him so much. But he doesn’t love you back and you deserve much more. You are a doctor, you are smart, talented, can support yourself financially, loving him harder won’t make him love you back. Please protect yourself and leave for your own safety.
You need to leave NOW, he has no respect for you. i don’t care if you’re his password, background, beneficiary, got your name tattooed, kids together LEAVE
Definitely a question for Reddit
ex-boyfriend*
I’m sorry you have found yourself in an abusive relationship. The first step would be to reach out to any friends or family for a place to stay. You need someone in your corner. In typical abusive relationships the abuser has the victim cut off most friends and family but the friends and family are usually pretty understanding when the victim comes back.
You should just try to get back on your own feet.
I see no mention of kids or pets. You got out of this relatively unscathed. Keep your distance.
You deserve someone who loves and respects you. This person does neither from reading this post. Don’t trust the sweet words. They are just words. Even if he comes back, which he probably will.
It takes on average I think 7 times to leave an abusive relationship. The reality is some don’t ever get out. Keep yourself safe and get in touch with family.
You don’t live with him, right? Go home right now. And have a family member or friend accompany you to help gather any belongings that you may have there later.
Your BF is abusive and its not going to get better. It will become much worse.
Strangulation is a massive red flag. Women who are strangled by their partner are 7 times more likely to end up death by their partner.
End your relationship immediately and block him. Get a restraining order and report the abuse to the police. Take pictures of the bruises.
What help do you need? He is going to seriously hurt if not kill you. Take pictures of your injuries. Document everything. Leave NOW if you are safe to do so. Is there not someone you can stay with? This man does not love you, and he’s proven there is nothing about him worth loving.
Victims of just one strangulation are 700% more likely to be killed by their partner.
You need to leave. He’ll kill you.
https://courts.ca.gov/sites/default/files/courts/default/2024-12/btb25-precondv-05.pdf
Get the hell out of there. There’s no ambiguity here.
There’s no way to give him any benefit of the doubt. He’s a monster
Leave the house. Go file a police complaint against him. Get a restraining order and never talk to him again!
U are a dr at 24???????? How
what do you love? Leave today
POLICE
HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. LEAVE. He has strangled you, that is the top indicator that an abuser will kill their partner. He will kill you. Get out!
Find another man who will worship the ground you walk on..
For context, I’m 30F and have been with my partner for 11ish years. I was 19 when we got together. I knew him from his ex and his sister was a year older than me. All I heard was bad things from his ex. We were friends and worked together. Turns out she was the cunt. I went to uni and got rid of her as a friend. Then I had burnout and had to come home second year. I worked at the local pizza shop and he had stopped and asked if I wanted to go to the local fireman’s party because his friend ditched. I said sure. I had a partner who I was trying to leave but had so many issues that made me feel trapped. After this party, we talked non stop. I have ADHD and undiagnosed autism with a bunch of trauma. He never once made any of my issues a big deal or a character flaw. He built me up to not take shit. I ended up becoming chronically ill and he still stayed when I told him to find someone who would give him a family. He stayed. Makes the house clean and works often. I’m now starting to get slightly better to go back to work. He said just try. I will always be here and we can always figure it out.
This is the love you need to find. You’re young and smart enough to be a doctor. Find your confidence that you deserve better. He may do some good things but that slap makes none of it worth it. When you get married, you’ll become a bigger punching bag and will probably end up in the morgue. You can see the good in people but don’t do it to a fault. You’re not a doormat. You’re the future.
Are you from the United States? If so, there is no way you’ve been to 4 years of college and 4 years of medical school by the time you are 24.
He’s strangled you, slapped you and pulled you by your hair and you’re wondering what do do? Leave and call the police. He will kill you.
Go leave the house while the prints are still fresh and go straight to the police station. Report him to the board… you’re a doctor which means you’re a mandated reporter yet you’re not reporting your own abuse. How can anyone trust you to report theirs if you’re not even protecting yourself and the general public from this monster.
An abuser shouldn’t be a doctor. And for all of the indie listed… I’m sorry but I don’t believe this is real.
I’m sorry but what is wrong with you?? YOU LEAVE THAT’S WHAT YOU DO NEXT. Take pictures and go to the police. Imagine this was your child, what would you tell her…..sit there and take it ?? I know this is painful and hard but this is no way to live at 24
Your partner is verbally and physically abusing you!
It doesn’t matter that he was your first kiss and your first love. You need to get out of this toxic and abusive relationship before you risk the real possibility of him being your last boyfriend!
Please get photos of the injuries that he’s inflicted on you, get a medical report completed for the injuries, get the police involved and get yourself out of that house and relationship immediately.
Can you stay with your parents or brother? Another close family member? Have you checked for any domestic abuse shelters in your area?
Please, op. Stop thinking about the past and start looking at the present and the future. This man isn’t your future. The abuse will never get stop. It will only continue and get worse as more time passes. And there is a high chance that he will take your life and your future away from you.
I know that it’s common for people on reddit to just say “break off the relationship” as a simple solution. But in this case, PLEASE LEAVE THIS ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!
This can’t be real
I am very sorry but I don’t understand this “I love him so much” discourse. Go to a psychologist and check your mental health because why are you so attached to a person that is so evil to you?
What are you going to do next? Really ? You don’t know!? My friend …. Get a hold of yourself and do something. Stop being so weak. Do you want him to kill you? I don’t have patience for people that can leave and keep being a victim
You call the police, that is the next step. Call them there and tell them what happened and that you scratched him in self defense. You need to get that on record. Lock yourself in the bathroom until they get there.
Are you seriously asking us what should you do when you know the answer leave his abusive ass and press charges once they hit you and you stay they will keep on doing it
Never, ever, ever give someone a second chance the first time they put hands on you.
I mean, like… it seems crazy that some dude could start off semi-decent but just… lose his shit over time, ya know? So there’s gotta be something going on psychologically to make ’em get so much worse.
Take a pictures of your face and finger nails. File a police report to get it on record. Don’t worry about his fallout. Other people need to be protected from him.
Get your affairs in order. Protect your assets. Change your passwords and mailing address etc. Make sure he has no access to your money etc. If he has a key to your vehicle take it, or get the fob reprogrammed. Block him on all accounts. Let your family, your friends and boss know that he’s physically abuse so you’re taking precautions to protect yourself from him and not to let him know where you are etc. Find a safe place to stay. If you ever have to go back to the house, make sure you have family, friends, or police with you. Get therapy. Seek out resources for victims of domestic violence.
This will only continue to escalate. I would operate under the assumption that he will escalate until he attempts to mrder you. If he has attempted strngulation, he has already attempted.
If you do not live together, you need to call and friend and leave immediately. If you do: you need to call everyone you know and ask them to come over immediately to pack up your stuff and take it anywhere other than there.
You need to file a police report for domestic violence and report it to your country’s medical board. You need to file a report for the attempt on your life as well. He should not be around patients. He will k*ll his patients. You need to think straight and do the right thing. You took an oath.
This is only going to get worse so you need to get out! Make your plans quietly and disappear. The most dangerous time for a victim of abuse is right after leaving the abuser, but it has to be done, otherwise he might end your life in the future.
The monster is his true self. Everything else is a mask.
Good god!! Get away from him and stay away!! He will end up killing you! No one deserves that kind of abuse. You’re a doctor. You can make it without him. You have a fantasized view of him that is not based in reality Please leave and never look back.
That man does not love you. You deserve better than a man that would ever lay his hands on you. Please leave him
You need to break up with him and I would also get a restraining order so if (when) he escalates further you can document it legally. This is a dangerous man.
You are in an abusive relationship. You should leave and seek therapy so that you don’t wind up in another abusive relationship.
Abusers always play victim, look up DARVO
Call the police. Have them show up there so they can help you get your stuff. Never call him. You’re too young to put yourself through this turmoil.
Is that the best you can do? The best relationship you deserve?
You have everything to be happy. The longer you remain in this situation, the more it will change you. Worse case scenario?
You will forget what a healthy relationship looks like and will never find a great guy until you spend years reflecting in what happened, why it happened and after years of counseling, you might realise that you were just afraid to lose what you know, what is familiar.
Check this video at 12:20 , this guy will explain it better than me. One of the most important minute everyone should watch
https://youtu.be/-EvvPZFdjyk?si=96oxIPu8264ka0Cd
Wow. No accountability whatsoever. You need to leave. This WILL escalate.
This has to be fake. There is NO WAY you are already a doctor at age 24, and if you are, you can’t possibly be this naive.
Take documents of the abuse then go to a homeless shelter
The temporary pain you’ll feel leaving him and putting the relationship behind you will be far less than a lifetime of pain and possibly death at the hands of your BF. I promise.
I’d make a police report while those marks are still showing. I have a feeling when you end it, he’ll flip his lid and it will be good to have.
Afterword, GTFO of there, block him everywhere, and never look back.
Pack your vital documents and essentials. This is your go bag.
Do you have any family and friends you can trust? Ask them if you can stay with them immediately. You need to leave his place as silently as possible. Don’t let him know your plans.
Don’t come back to this house alone. If you do come back have your support system physically with you to pack the rest of your possessions.
Be done now. Dont wait for it to escalate.
Oh dear how can you be a doctor and be this ignorant and blind. It’s not your fault you’re being abused, and it is on you to stop it by leaving. Please leave. Don’t tell him anything. Gather your things, important documents, when he’s out of the house and leave. Contact a friend or relative that can help you, that won’t tell your abuser you’re leaving.
Take pictures. Leave. What are you waiting for? It will get worse.
First, have a plan ! I cannot stress this enough. Have a place that you can go that he can’t easily get to. Such as something thing with a security door. Because even though he says he’s ready for you to go. He will quickly change his mind. Because it’s called a trauma bond. They lovey-dovey it’s called hovering. Whatever you want to label these things as. They are tactics. They are used to manipulate you. And to get you to do things that make him feel better.. yes, I said better. When you feel small, he feels big. You don’t have to have money. There are people who help. It’s not going to be easy. You’re gonna wanna go back a lot. And you probably will a lot. If you stay, he will kill you. I was married for 26 years. Three kids. Trust me when I say it doesn’t get any better. This is as good as it gets. Everything else goes downhill. Because you’re never going to be good enough because of his issues not because of yours.. You are the best thing he’s ever had and probably ever will.. You are probably the nicest , strongest , loving person. That is why he is with you. Because he see that, he wants to be like that. He is not. You can not fix him. That is his issues to work through. Not Yours! Don’t allow yourself to be anyone’s emotional doormat , whipping boy or escape goat. You are what he wants to be. & sweetheart he will take it from you. Until you are only a shell of yourself, and a fraction of who you could be.
But the choice has to be yours. No one can tell you to do it. You have to finally get tired. You have to choose to live or lay there and cry.! And yes, childhood sweethearts are great romance novels. But it’s rarely LIFE.! My life begin similar, married at 16, barely escaped at 41 . Read the book…. “What does he do that” . ? Lundy. I can’t remember the first name. I will look it up and get back to you. It showed me my life written 10 years before I lived. Same phrases. Same songs played.. and yes, you’re an abusive person or a quitter. Yes you have to quit wanting to be in this relationship.. You have to be a quitter. Quit choosing to let yourself be abused. You have to quit crying. You have to quit going back. You have to choose to live. To walk away from someone you love. Is hard. The further you get away crazier things were and the reasons that you loved them become harder to recognize.
It sounds like this only started in the last year? He’s at the age where mental illnesses could surface. If this isn’t normal behavior for him maybe see if he’d go to a psychologist.
Honestly didn’t even read the post. Title says all we need to know. Get out before you become a statistic.
Take pictures of the abuse. You’re a doctor. You are a mandated reporter for fuck’s sake. Go to your fucking WORK and tell them what’s going on. Cooperate with the police and do not cover for him. Do not make excuses. Tell them that you scratched him after he slapped you. Tell them that he abuses you regularly by dragging you by your hair, punching you in the back, and strangling you.
Do NOT tell him ahead of time, he will hurt you even worse.
This man should not be a doctor.
And if you need more convincing, what would you do if your best friend or sister came to you and told you that her doctor boyfriend was doing this to her? You would tell her to leave, never let her go back, force her to be honest and stop covering for him, and prevent every person you could from going to him for medical treatment.
UpdateMe but first ….LEAVE!!
Believe him when he tells you this is who he is.
A lot of abusive people will pretend not to be abusive in the beginning. Sometimes they carry this on for years, sometimes it’s just months but then once they think you love the persona they were wearing. They slowly start to show you who they are and know that you’ll stay, because you love the fake person you met before.