Me and my boyfriend have a good relationship. We have been dating for 6 months. Recently however, I discovered that he holds some opinions which I am not comfortable with.
Long story short, I was going through his phone and I found an old conversation (about 9 months old) that he had with a friend. I read a some of it out of curiosity. It was a casual conversation but they were talking about dating and relationships. I was quite shocked to say the least when I read the comments my boyfriend was making.
My boyfriend and his friend were talking about their racial preferences. I was surprised by my boyfriend’s comment on how “white girls are attractive but are the worst race to date”. This caught my attention because I am white myself, but my boyfriend is not (although he was raised in the same country as me). I kept reading and my boyfriend was saying stuff such as “white women can’t keep a relationship if their life depended on it” and how “white girls only care about their feelings, so you can’t trust them”. Him and his friend said so much stuff like how white women are “cheaters”, “selfish and superficial”, “have issues” etc.
I immediately questioned him about this and showed the chat messages to him. He shrugged it off like it was no big deal. He said that it was from before we met, so it doesn’t matter. I told him that I felt really offended and he just said that he “understands”, but that regardless he believes what he said is still true. I asked him whether or not he trusts me and he said “to be honest, I’m sorry but I don’t trust anyone fully other than myself”.
I really don’t know what to do here. Other than this, he is a really good boyfriend. He does a lot of stuff for me. He admits when he is wrong and does his best to make up for it. He is really loyal and dependable. He is funny and caring and a good person . I would have never ever expected any of this from him. Does anyone else have any idea on what I should do here?
TL;DR My boyfriend has some opinions about something related to me which I find offensive, but he is otherwise a good partner. What can I do here?
Comments
It sounds like he is too good for you. Why were you going through his phone?
You’re always going to find something to hurt yourself when you snoop
It’s early on in your relationship, if he feels that way and you’re truly offended by it, you guys probably aren’t that compatible and it’s best to part ways now rather than later.
I don’t know why you were going through his phone, but that doesn’t seem super healthy either ! There’s a couple yellow flags here though.
Shocker you go thru his phone get offended and play the victim.
It was before you were dating grow up.
He even said he doesn’t trust anyone but himself fully.
He’s also right and you proved his point 100%
You’re untrustworthy-going thru his phone.
You are only caring about your feelings.
And you just torpedoed your relationship
Congratulations that’s called a hat trick.
> He shrugged it off like it was no big deal. He said that it was from before we met, so it doesn’t matter. I told him that I felt really offended and he just said that he “understands”, but that regardless he believes what he said is still true. I asked him whether or not he trusts me and he said “to be honest, I’m sorry but I don’t trust anyone fully other than myself”.
What else do you need to know?
> I really don’t know what to do here.
Of course you do, come on.
> He admits when he is wrong and does his best to make up for it.
He sure hasn’t here.
> He is really loyal
He just told you he isn’t.
> He is … caring and a good person.
‼️ GIRL.
Sounds like you’re searching for stuff to get pissed off about. Also, shame on you for going through his phone.
Why are you going through his phone.
Why were you going through his phone? What prompted that?
Judge a person by how they treat you in the here and now. Lots of awesome people were assholes in the past. Also, privacy while in a relationship is a good thing, what reason did you have to go through his messages from before you two dated?
You went through his phone so far back that you happened upon a conversation with a friend from nine months ago why?
Damn, seems like you proved his point
Maybe he thinks your opinions are offensive but doesn’t make a deal about it.
He probably finds it pretty offensive that you violated his trust, so
If you are going through his phone, you obviously cant be trusted, and you don’t trust him either, so I don’t know what you are mad about here.
“Whyte women have issues”
Did he lie?
Who is snooping in his phone? 🫵🏾