Hi everyone,
My partner ’27M’ and I 27F have been living together for 5 months. Our relationship is still new, and we’re getting to know each other more deeply.
A couple of days ago, I discovered that he had been messaging his ex during our entire relationship. The messages weren’t flirty , they were mostly life updates , but he would send her photos from our vacations and of the van we bought together, while speaking as if he was alone (using “I” instead of “we”). He never mentioned to her that he was in a relationship until very recently. In his last message, he finally told her about me, but also admitted he didn’t know how to bring it up before. That part really hurt.
We had a long argument. At first, he didn’t really understand why I was upset, since (according to him) his intentions weren’t bad and their relationship has been over for a while. He said he sees her as a friend. But I explained that what hurt me was the lack of transparency, he never told me he was talking to her, and she didn’t even know I existed. I can understand people staying in touch with exes, but I believe it should be open and honest.
I did feel he was sincerely sorry, and I know he’s a good person. The fact that his most recent messages were finally about being honest with her helps me see he was moving in that direction. After thinking it through, I’ve decided I’m willing to forgive him. But I was also clear: if he breaks my trust again, it’s over.
Still… it feels a lot like emotional cheating, and it hurt.
We both want to make this work and are open to putting in the effort. He already blocked her and even gave me his password, but I don’t want to live in a relationship where I feel the need to spy. I want us to build something healthy, not toxic.
Overall, we are really good together, and I know he’s willing to put in the work too. He asked me what he can do to rebuild my trust, but honestly, I don’t really know what to ask for.
Has anyone here been through something similar? What helped you rebuild trust as a couple?
Any advice would be truly appreciated.
TL;DR;: This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?.
Comments
I mean if he’s willing to work on the relationship like you said you two can try working it out, some people change and some people don’t, i hope the best works out for you and if he doesn’t keep his promise than know it’s fine to move on to someone that respects you and the relationship, best of luck to you! ❤️
If she knew he had you, she’d probably push away from him emotionally and “close their chapter” for good, so he avoided doing that. I guess I’d wonder why it’s important to him that he’s not tied to you in her eyes
You’re in a “new” relationship and already living together and you’ve already violated his privacy and gone through his phone and read his messages?
Holy shit, stop making such shitty choices over and over again.