my boyfriend 27M & i 22F have been dating for about a year & three months. we recently just moved in together & our relationship has just been a lot. i feel a lot of stress from it & im not sure what to do because i do love being with him.
but when i say a lot i mean we are constantly getting into arguments otp, on text & in person. an argument might happen like every week. & almost all of the time, he’s in the wrong & he knows that too. the things we argue about are mostly things ive already told him i don’t like him doing. but he continues to do it anyways. i feel like i constantly have to repeat myself to him, i am always babying him on simple situations & he just doesn’t seem to care. it then turns into me getting irritated & i start to say the most rudest things to him. because these situations are so frustrating & i just want them to stop so i just let my anger out. i don’t know what else i can do to stop these arguments if im continuously talking to him & letting him know that what he did was wrong but all he does is downplay the situation & make it seem like he’s not in the wrong. he also always says he’s trying his best & trying to be a good boyfriend but my thing is, it shouldn’t be so hard to stop making the same mistakes over & over knowing they bother me. it all makes me sad at the end of the day because i feel like im not getting the love that i deserve. it also seems like he never considers the way that i feel about certain things because he always does whatever the mistake might be then he realizes he fucked up then suddenly wants to apologize when i bring it up. so im just like why apologize when i say something but you can’t apologize after you knew you made the mistake. its just so annoying.
so i’m not sure if any of yall are going through the same situation or went through it or if i even made any sense lol but lemme know if yall got any suggestions.
TLDR: my boyfriend & i argue a lot over the same things, he downplays every argument knowing he’s in the wrong & never likes to take accountability. im tired of it & i feel like he never thinks about my feelings.
Comments
Can you give an example? I think it would help give context. I am very messy, I know leaving things out and on the sides annoys my husband, but he knows I am dyspraxic and easily distracted with no object permeance. I try not to do it and do apologize but there’s a point where he just has to understand that it’s part of who I am, and the pros of my personality outweighs the cons so isn’t worth having an argument about. There are things he does that I don’t like, and when they annoy me I remind myself how messy I am and that life is give and take.
However there have been times where we’ve come to each other and said certain things have effected us negatively and gently asked the other not to do it and have been listened to because it’s important. I will give an example of a time I was wrong (because I’m not trying to shame him on the internet, we all make mistakes!). When I wanted to make a small complaint I tried to soften the blow by saying “I love you but…” Like “I love you but you’ve got to stop closing the door to the washing machine because it’s getting mildew”. I thought this was a nice thing to say, remind him I love him first. He explained to me really kindly that every time I said I loved him he was waiting for a “but” and it wasn’t a nice thing to do. I took that on board because communication is important. I still on the odd occasion will start and catch myself and just say “no buts.”