When we first met, I showed him a harry styles song, and he immediately started shitting on him. Listen, I’m not someone that fan girls over male artists. I’m always just an occasional listener. I don’t obsess, so I didn’t really care much that he disliked him, but it did make me feel embarrassed and judged, so I stopped listening to his music, and it did make me feel nervous to show him any other music that I listen to. Right now today he saw that I was listening to sombr I heard one of his songs on TikTok and thought “Oh this is a good song, let me find it on Spotify” and he started shitting on him, saying his music sucks, he’s a red flag, he looks douche, his main audience is definitely women. Then he said he was disappointed that I listened to his music and that it would be disrespectful if I continued to listen to him after he said that he disliked him. He also called him an industry plant, as if that matters. If the song sounds good to ME, then I’m going to listen to it. And again, I felt embarrassed and judged. I felt like I couldn’t show him anything. It makes me want to hide what I’m listening to. You would think for him it’s like an insecure thing, because the singers are guys, and he feels I’ll find the guy attractive, but I don’t think that’s what it is, because he was like that with Olivia Rodrigo and Sabrina Carpenter too. I generally don’t know how to bring it up to him that it bothers me, because last time I tried he claimed I was trying to argue when I was just voicing my feelings. So I really do need help/advice 🙏🏻💔 ?
(I would also like to add that our relationship is great he treats me like a princess 👸🏻 it’s just this one problem 😔)
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we don’t date people who yuck our yum. seriously
Clearly he doesn’t treat you like a princess if he shits all over the music you listen to and berates you to your face for it. Personally I find this behaviour absolutely insufferable and I don’t understand why you would let this slide. Should’ve nipped that shit in the bud the first time it happened.
Hes 27 and acting like that? Girl what are you doing
I’m not one to convert to anyone. Depending on how brazon you are. Me… I would return the favor and point out his negative flaws of music after all touche’ then after that I would save that music when I was alone . You enjoy it, he doesn’t have to. Why ruin something that gives you joy? You tried to include him in something you liked, and he didn’t. You don’t want to listen to him whine for an hr in the car?
Personally I wouldn’t be able to date someone like that. So incredibly rude, mean, and immature for no good reason.
My only suggestion is to sit down with him and very directly say “Why do you do this? How do you think it makes me feel? What do you get out of this?” If he doesn’t take you seriously and understand why he’s in the wrong, then I simply wouldn’t be able to keep dating him.
i find it very hard to believe that this is the only instance where he so openly and obsessively shits on your opinion/tastes… are you sure he actually treats you like a princess, or does he just tell you he does and you believe him? It does not even sound like an opinion he has, but more taking it as an opportunity to belittle your taste…
My husband does not enjoy some of the music I listen, and vice versa, but he listens to it with me and I listen to his with him, simply because we know it‘s important to share in these things.
Showing your partner music you like is a bid for connection, and him shitting on it instantly and always is a huge red flag. IMO it shows that he does not really respect you, especially in connection with him dismissing your feelings immediately and deflecting fault back to you.
He is 27, his brain won‘t mature any more, so I think you have to ask yourself if you really want to tie yourself to someone that is so ready to make you feel bad about something innocent…
It starts out that he only “criticizes” your music. Then it will be other things. It’s not about the music, it’s about testing the waters with regard to control and how he treats you.
If it was just about him voicing his opinion, he wouldn’t then say it’s “disrespectful” for you to listen to an artist he told you he dislikes. What that is, is controlling behavior. He doesn’t get to choose what YOU listen to, but he’s making you think that he can. He’s taking the joy out of something you enjoy. It’s changing your behavior. This is not ok.
I’ve had exes that did this, and it took me way too long to realize how much they were controlling lots of other things I was allowed to do too. Something to think about…
This is such an immature, “I’m so deep” type of behavior. I listen to a wiiiiide variety of artists, from unknown weirdos to top 40 popstars. Who cares?! If you like it, you like it. He doesn’t have to, but he should respect your taste as he supposedly respects YOU, right?
It feels like a small thing right now, but it is seriously a GIANT RED FLAG. He’s shitting on your harmless interests and feels dISreSpeCTed that you continue to listen to stuff he doesn’t like. How would he respond if you said “name of artist he likes” is a talentless hack? Pretty defensive, I would have to guess. It’s a winding road to control, and it’s certainly not just going to be about the music you listen to. Eventually it will be about the movies you watch, the places you visit, the people you hang out with, etc.
My ex used to do the same thing with my music. Even took me once to see my favorite band and shat over their performance the entire time. Wasn’t long before he went thru my car and destroyed a bunch of my CDs that he didn’t approve of (yes I’m that old).
But the relationship was so good otherwise (I had convinced myself at the time). Unfortunately I squandered almost 20 years with this person as his controlling personality took over my entire life. I kept waiting for things to go back to the way they were when we first got together, but it only ever got worse and it is my life’s biggest regret that I stuck with him.
He kinda sounds like a gatekeeping, judgemental, “name-3-songs” type of asshole. Start lightly disregarding his preferences and see how he reacts.
As a man, this man does not respect women, and he does not respect you.
Girl stand your ground! Let him know that he’s being disrespectful and judgmental. Music is something you can accept for your partner. Him shitting on your musical taste is an immature choice. Set your boundary and if he can’t respect that, throw him to the curb.
You can’t convince me that a man who waved red flags from the jump is a great human or partner. Your statement of he treats you like a princess, except for this one thing, is also a red flag. It’s a heavy indication that you’re romanticizing him, and the relationship. Cause someone who feels entitled and justified to degrade you is a toxic abusive trash human. Stop lying to yourself, wake up and see his true colors. There is absolutely nothing normal, healthy, or ok about him.
Hmm why is commercial music so popular.. because it’s liked by so many fucking people to make it popular.
My husband is more ‘alternative’ but would never dream of roasting me because I like Coldplay.. people who look down their noses at people for any reason whatsoever, including their musical tastes, are the worst kind of people.
Next time he says anything, ask him to examine why it matters to him what kind of music you like – and whether it’s because he’s an arrogant, condescending, self-absorbed prick? Because there’s literally no other reason.
This is how control starts. You’ve already stopped listening to one artist you liked. What’s next which clothes you or can or what you can eat?
Music is how our souls dance. Are you letting someone stop your soul from dancing? To me, this is more important than a lot of material things.
Break up with him before you’ve forgotten what you like and who you even are. Ask me how I know 🙃
Tell him you don’t like a artist he listens to and tell him it is disrespectful of him to listen to that artist cause you don’t like it.
Hold up that mirror and see how he likes it.
he sounds insecure
He’s immature, he doesn’t respect you so he’s trying to get to you by insulting the things you like. My guess is that he is slowly going to get more controlling and his true colors will come out.
> “disrespectful if I continued to listen to him after he said that he disliked him”
run run run. run! run run run run run
He’s not the one. My husband doesn’t love all the same music I do, but he certainly doesn’t shit on it. In fact, he’s come with me to several concerts where he’s had no interest whatsoever and the reason is he sees how happy I am seeing bands I love live and that makes it worth it for him.
So, I’ve been with my husband since before you were in kindergarten. Some of what I listen to is very much not his style, and some of the content creators I follow have voices that grate on him. He’s never said anything to the extent of it being disrespectful of me to keep listening to something. With the content creators whose voices irritate him, he asks me to turn it down or switch to something we both like (of which there’s plenty) and for the music that isn’t his style, sometimes he puts it on for me because he wants me to dance
So, when you first met you felt like you had to hide things you liked from him? If you can’t be yourself, I don’t think it matters if he treats you like a princess. It should’ve ended before it even started.
This isn’t really about music taste, it’s about respect for your autonomy. If you can’t even listen to a song without worrying about being shamed, that’s a sign of a bigger pattern: he feels entitled to control or judge things that don’t affect him at all. That doesn’t mean he’s a terrible boyfriend, but it does mean you need to set a boundary now, because left unchecked, it’ll spill into other areas.
“You don’t have to like the music I listen to, but it’s not okay to shame me for liking them. I’m not asking you to change your taste, I’m asking you to respect mine.”
Pay attention to his reaction. A caring partner might say, “Sorry, I didn’t realise I made you feel that way.”
But if he dismisses you, that’s a red flag about communication and respect, not just music.
Break up
He’s being misogynistic, babe. He’s shitting on Things Girls Like because he hates women. Clown his ass! Teenage girls anointed the Beatles.
I hope you can get on the other side of this debate. Partners don’t need to share taste, but they do need to respect each other. He doesn’t respect you. He deserves to be clowned into oblivion for ‘his audience is mostly women’ but be warned – your guy might implode, and that might not be safe for you. The real advice is get rid of the whole man.
I GOTTA know what he listens to
So listen, I’m kinda an old ass dude. Like, good to be a dad of your wreck of a boyfriend. And I kinda liked music all my life, not just theoretically but in a sense of playing an instrument, doing amateur bands, writing music reviews for newspapers and websites – you name it. I still enjoy it, I still have a moog studio standing in my cupboard that I take out almost every day just to play some stuff.
I read ton of books on the subject too, light books like artist biographies, and heavy books about theory of genres, philosophy of pop music and all kinda stuff. What I’m trying to say, I know my pop music shit.
So I could of course start by telling you the obvious – your boyfriend is a controlling piece of work that wants to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. This alone should be enough to throw this piece of trash to the bin where it belongs.
But let’s say I ignore it for a second. Listen, someone’s pop music tastes are never, never a good reason for a judgement in themselves. Pop music is just not that serious of a business. It’s an art, sure, but it’s main function always was and always will be a social function. It answers certain social needs – like, for example, early jazz was made for dance halls, and bibop was for black emancipation, and boys bands were because young girls want to see some of their romantic thoughts articulated by their romantic ideals. Trust me, every genre, every style can be put in social context. It is very strong sometimes – makes people gather together, like metalheads, or goths, or emos. But nevertheless. And also, people don’t dig deep enough to articulate and understand it, they just follow their emotions, and so do the artists.
So when you listen to something other than someone else, it just means you have different needs and different history. It doesn’t make you good, bad, stupid, or clever. Yes, it’s true, some music is deeper than the other, but which one you listen to doesn’t define you as a person, it just showcases some of your needs.
So when whoever criticises others for their music tastes, they are either immature, or really really stupid, as they don’t believe that people who are different to them exist, or should exist. So just listen to whatever hell you want and don’t bother with that. Music taste in itself isn’t a defining part of character.
So that’s that, and also – your dude is controlling AF, you are young, you can do better.
It’s okay for him to not like it but it’s not okay for him to downplay and mock your interests. My siblings were like this, if I so much as strayed away from their music interests (that they thought was peak and pristine taste) I’d get mocked. They had my ass listening to pop music in secret. You don’t need to be around someone who makes fun of your interests. Your partner should be mature enough to recognize that you’re your own person with your own interests and not an extension of himself. You should be able to enjoy what you enjoy without fear of judgement from him. He tries to deflect and say you’re arguing when you voice that you’re upset because he wants to keep you insecure and wants to keep you second guessing your emotions, he wants you to stay quiet to make it easier to put you down.
He is saying that if you like or do something that he doesnt like, its disrespectable to him.
Thats a huge red flag and breaking up reason
It’s okay to like what you like. A lot of people are opinionated about music or books or movies or whatever, and there’s nothing wrong with somebody sharing a negative opinion about something that they don’t like, but he went above and beyond that by denigrating you as a person with the ‘I’m disappointed in you’ nonsense.
You say that everything is great in your relationship, but the fact that he shamed you over something as minuscule as liking a song and that you’re so well groomed to accept controlling behavior that you actually hid the music you listen to makes me question whether you know what a truly caring, supportive, nurturing adult relationship is like.
He sounds like a dick and your music is slop. I agree with him, the music you listen to isn’t good. However, if you love someone and they listen to shitty music, you tolerate it or try to expand their musical tastes. You don’t just slam them.
Here’s some food for thought, why is something that attracts an audience of primarily women bad in the eyes of your boyfriend? If you’ve tried to bring this up and he’s dismissed you, he really doesn’t respect you or your interests.
Girl, white boys always act like they are the spokespeople of what is and isnt “good” music and it’s old, it’s tired, and it’s a personality trait motivated by their own internalized shame. Your bf’s creativity is probably blocked, his access to his own emotional experience is probably blocked, and in liking what you like free of preconceived notions you are doing all the things he’s too afraid to do. You are freer than him. His music taste doesn’t come from his own raw connection to music, it comes from projected judgements about how he will be perceived based on what he likes. Yes he is making you feel like you are lesser than with the things he’s saying but trust me, he is more insecure and inauthentic in relation to music than you are, and whether he admits it or not-his relationship to music is rooted in fear whereas yours is rooted in what it makes you feel inside. You know which one is more admirable than the other. Keep listening to what tf you want, this life is too short to deny yourself the things you like, ESPECIALLY in things as visceral as music, because of other people’s insecurities. <3
Does he understand everyone has different taste and his own taste is not a absolute fact if not that is a big red flag .