So my boyfriend and I have amazing sex together, but he said his kink is anal. We’ve tried it twice and I’ve never gotten any satisfaction from it and I’ve accidentally gone #2 on him both times. He continuously says he wants it and asks for it but I honestly hate it. I get zero pleasure from it and am uncomfortable the entire time regardless if he goes slow or not. I’m not entirely sure what to do as he said this is a deal breaker and it’s one of his biggest turn ons.
TLDR; he wants anal and I hate it, he said it’s a deal breaker.
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If it’s a dealbreaker for both of you then there you go unfortunately. I don’t like that that’s the hill he’s doing to die on tho :/
don’t do sexual acts that you aren’t comfortable with? you break up.
Dump him.
He doesn’t care about you, your comfort or your sexual pleasure.
Why are you even talking to this guy?
I personally hate anal and I’m a dude. Can’t see what’s hot about sticking your pee wee in a sh1+e hole. Am I gay? 🤷
You drop this turd lover.
I’ve been with my so for wlmost 40 years. We’ve always been very adventurous, but I don’t do anal. Ever
You’re getting this so wrong. His kink is anal, he wants anal! peg him.
Failing that, just say no.
You don’t do anything you don’t want to. He doesn’t have to either. This is about sexual compatibility
You say no. The end. Goodbye to him if he doesn’t respect that answer.
Wow your boyfriend cares more about violating your butthole than he does about your feelings. I think it would be a good time to break up, there’s no use staying with someone who only values what they can get from you..
Just say no, and let him know that you mean it. Then it’s up to him whether the two of you are compatible or not.
End it. There are plenty of girls who are into it. He’ll be alright.
If he is willing to end the relationship over trying to force something on you sexually that you aren’t comfortable with, that is your answer. This guy has zero respect for you or your boundaries. Please, break up with him. One day you will look back and regret the time you wasted on this loser.
Dump him. Period. He doesn’t respect your boundaries and that’s unacceptable.
But fyi if you ever do change your mind you should ALWAYS do an enema at least an hour before anal play to clean yourself out. It can be a wonderful feeling however no one should be forced into something they don’t like and you shouldn’t just take the actual thing in there unless it’s skinny lmfao you have to train for it but that’s info you can look up for the future.
Please don’t do sex acts you aren’t enthusiastically into. This is a dealbreaker for him and it should also be a dealbreaker to you to stay with someone who is trying to coerce you into doing his kink.
Anal sex is not for everyone. Just because it’s his kink does NOT mean his partner is required to do that to satisfy him. He should have been upfront about having a non-negotiable kink when you first got together, and found an experienced kinkster who enjoys that specifically.
I know someone that got serious hemorrhoids after this. Wound up having to get surgery- no joke.
Dump him. Let him shove his dick up someone else’s ass.
!!! Dump. His. Ass. !!!!
You say no.
A deal breaker for him? Excuse me.. what in the entitlement?? Why isn’t this a deal breaker for you. That man lacks so much respect. Please let this one go
Tell him no, and if he breaks up with you for that he’s not worth the #2 you left on his dick.
P.s. if you were ever interested in it for you I’d recommend researching how to adequately prepare for it.
He wants anal? Well alright. Tell him to bend tf over.
Say “I don’t want to do anal anymore, ever. I don’t enjoy it. If it’s a dealbreaker consider the deal broken.”
Say goodbye. He should find someone who shares the same desires.
If he wants anal tell him that you’ll start pegging him.
Reverse it on him, say pegging him is a dealbreaker.
If you’ve already communicated you’re uncomfortable with it (and during it!) and he’s still claiming it’s a dealbreaker for him despite that, it should be a dealbreaker to you that he values his kink above your comfort.
Dump him. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t care you’re uncomfortable?
It sounds like you’re in a tough spot where your needs and comfort aren’t being prioritized… which can really test the foundation of any relationship. Have you considered what kind of partner you deserve someone who respects your boundaries instead of pushing for something you clearly don’t want?
Personally, I would not want to be with anyone who is trying to coerce me into a sex act I don’t enjoy by holding the entire relationship over my head until I comply. It’d be one thing if you guys mutually agreed you’re incompatible and moved on. That he’s calling this a dealbreaker and just expecting you to capitulate… that’s the part that makes me question why you’d even WANT to hold onto this guy.
Being mismatched sex-wise SHOULD be a dealbreaker. It will continue to be an issue going forward and the end goal should be for each person to be happy.
If he can’t move on from it being taken off the table, move on from him and let him move on from you.
Just say no. You get to have limits. If that’s a deal breaker for him so be it.
If he’s into anal, peg him. If he doesn’t like it, then he’ll know how you feel
But seriously, this guy sounds like an asshole (no pun intended) who doesn’t have a problem doing something that makes you uncomfortable. It sounds like you should find someone who doesn’t pressure you or put ultimatums on you for sex because that isn’t ok.
Just tell him it ain’t happening and if that’s a deal breaker so be it.
> I’m not entirely sure what to do as he said this is a deal breaker
End things.
A loving boyfriend would never coerced you into a sexual act you don’t enjoy, especially one that could lead to permanent injuries.
If a guy is going to leave you despite great sex, because he doesn’t get to do something that makes you really uncomfortable and provides no enjoyment to you, you’re better off without him.
Honestly, if not doing anal is a dealbreaker over assumingly many great things about you, is he really right for you? You tried it, didn’t like it, you are allowed to not want to do it.
By saying it’s a dealbreaker, he’s just saying that too scare you. Call his bluff. Start packing up your shit and then see what he does. I have been with my wife for 17 years and I wish I could fuck her in the ass, but she says no so it’s a no. 🤷♂️ if he’s not respecting you by continuously bringing this up, he’s a controller.
Let the man go. Anyone who wants you to do something you hate so they can feel good is not worth your time.
This is so shitty. If you want, I’d sit him down one time and let him know that anal is off of the table permanently and that you don’t want to discuss it again. Remind him at his big ole age of 25 that consent is key and someone cannot be coerced into consent. Let him know that the next time it’s brought up it’s the end of the relationship. If he can’t live with that, then I promise you that you’re better off.
You break up, there is no way around that. He is fine with you being uncomfortable and getting no pleasure, just so he can get his kink on. 😒😒😒
Anything in the bedroom is a two yes/otherwise no deal. NO EXCEPTIONS. If you don’t want anal then you don’t do anal. He doesn’t get to guilt or pressure you. NO is the end of the story.
It would be a dealbreaker for me if my boyfriend wanted to do something to me that I absolutely hated. It’s ok for him to want it but the fact that he wants it over your comfort is a red flag, IMO.
Leave him. There’s no way you should accede to his demands in such a situation. Anal isn’t as popular as he likes to think.
That’s a two yea thing. Say sorry and if you keep asking am going to lose interest.
“No.”
You wanna know what’s a REAL dealbreaker? bullying people into unwanted sexual activity.
He wants out of this relationship. This is the excuse he is using. Let him out.
He is willing to put his pleasure above your comfort and boundaries, and then give you an ultimatum over the same?
Kick him to the kerb.
If anal is a dealbreaker he doesn’t love you.
“No” is a complete sentence.
He needs to lay off of the porn. Also he might be a little gay(no judgement). Be careful with this OP, because if he ends up cheating looking for anal with someone else this is a good way to get the “package”
This can and should be a dealbreaker for you too. Don’t let anyone pressure you into sex acts that you are not completely comfortable with, and enthusiastically participating in. Any guy who would threaten to dump you over a lack of anal sex is not good life partner material.
You let him decide whether he cares more about you or doing anal. You shouldn’t have to engage in anything that you don’t enjoy, and doing so will make you resentful of him.
Just don’t do it. He will survive or you will survive – without him 🙂
Listen to the situation for a second – he wants you to do something THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO AND THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AND BRINGS YOU NO PLEASURE.
Dealbreaker for HIM? I’d tell him “I didn’t want to, but tried it FOR YOU and HATED IT – it is a hard NO forever for me, and a dealbreaker if you ever bring it up again.”
Do NOT be with someone who prioritizes getting his dick wet over your comfort and pleasure.
Get a dildo and offer to do it to him. Tell him if he wants to give, he should know how to receive. Tell him it’s your kink. Why should,he be the only one who gets to,be kinky?
Get a very large dildo and tell him if you can’t shove it up his ass slowly it will be the real deal breaker. See if it’s still his biggest turn on.
I wouldn’t wanna be with someone who would make something like anal a dealbreaker anyway. That’s just an odd hill to die on. Especially since you have regular sex often. Seems really conditional to me. Also I don’t think my partner would ever demand something that made me visibly uncomfortable. Men can live without anal. Jesus.
Have you suggested he try being on the receiving end of this? I understand strap-ons are widely available.
It’s a deal breaker for him. So you break up.
You say NO. If it’s his deal breaker? Adios.
Your body. Your choice.
Don’t let anyone tell you what to allow be done to your body. Anal is not for everybody. If it’s a dealbreaker for him then he’s the one who will lose out.
💩on him again and then break up with him.
I’ve never understood why some other guys like anal so much. Letterkenny did a great bit about it that I think hits the nail on the head as to why it’s a strange preference.
I’m curious how the conversations about this have gone. What do you communicate to him and what does he say to you?
If he wants anal then you bring out a strap-on and give the man what he wants. He wants anal he gets anal.
Coercion into a sexual act is SA. I had a similar situation with an ex too and the first time it happened “accidentally” but even after “he” realised he kept going even though I was uncomfortable and then he kept “begging” for it until I was tired and gave in ONCE only to later find out he told all his friends that we do “anal”. He was a ginormous red flag. So is your bf.
Please please seriously consider if you wanna be with someone that doesn’t care that you do not want something and forces it on you.
Didn’t even read more than the headline. Say: no.
If he doenst respect this: leave.
As easy as that – he doenst respect what you want or need or – and that’s even more important – only enjoys what you enjoy, too? Leave! Do you want to be with a person who still enjoys something even though you don’t want to do it?!
It’s literally your anus. Just say no.
There are lots of things people “want”, very few necessities. Anal sex, generally speaking, isn’t life saving.
No one who loves you, would ask you to do something that you have tried and don’t want to do again. That’s not caring. That’s selfish.
Dump him.
He’s not a good partner if he’s going to hold your relationship hostage over something you’re uncomfortable with doing.
If your bf is making anal a dealbreaker, you need a new boyfriend. Tell him it’s also a dealbreaker for you.
Whoah, a deal breaker? Thats crazy, I would say it’s okay to be selfish at this moment. My wife and I have been together almost 8 years, unfortunately I also would love to do anal but she does not. I have accepted this though as we have amazing sex anyway, and nothing in that sense would be a deal breaker for me. You should do what you think is best for yourself, if thats not something you want to do regularly (because once he knows he can, he will not make it a seldom activity) then its best you plan your feet and stick to your choice. If he wants to leave then so be it, its not easy but you shouldn’t make yourself uncomfortable for someone else’s satisfaction.
basically he said he will break up with you if you don’t let him use sexual violence on you
It’s not the act that makes it a deal breaker it’s the fact that he doesn’t care that it is not enjoyable for you. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care.
Get a strapon and tell him “ok, you first…”
So.. say no. If it’s a deal breaker for him, he can walk away from the relationship.
You might not want the relationship to end, but if it’s that important to him, you’re not sexually compatible. Find someone who prefers what you do.
You say, “You’re right. Threatening ti break up with someone because your kink is unpleasant for them, IS a dealbreaker. I’ll really miss you, and hope you find someone more compatible . “
If you don’t just leave, he might “slip” into the wrong hole on “accident” one of these days.
No is all you need to say. If he continues begging/negging or gets an attitude, throws a fit then it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. A man that loves you will respect your decision, ESPECIALLY when it comes to your body.
Time to break up! No is a complete sentence.
I guess you can stay with him and have him push you for anal all the time.
Break up with him. Or suggest he let’s you peg him so he can see how uncomfortable and painful it is.
No is a complete sentence. If he can’t respect that, you break up.
Then it’s a dealbreaker for your bf. Why do you want to be with someone who is trying to force you to do something you don’t like?
Your body your choice. I like anal but my Gf does not. So I just don’t bother and I don’t push the subject. That’s just me
… then break the deal. Somebody else will be cool with not deriving pleasure from sexual acts you don’t want to perform for whatever reason.
Peggasus.
Tell him that you’ll pick up a strap on and some lube.
Ewww what kind of man do you want to be with that would threaten a breakup if he doesn’t get anal? Gross. Girl find a man who won’t break up with you when you tell him the type of sex he likes hurts you and you’re not interested in it…
There are so many different ways to have enjoyable sex. He doesn’t love you if he’s willing to let you walk because you won’t perform anal.
Tell him no. No means no. If he has any respect for you he’ll go along with your wishes.
No is how you go about it.
Help him.pack
You hate it. It’s uncomfortable and doesn’t give you any pleasure. He’s not willing to consider your feelings and is manipulating you into it by threatening to break up. So break up. This is a bigger priority for him than being with you. And he’s trying to force your hand. He doesn’t care about you and you deserve better.
Welp guess it’s a deal breaker. Don’t be forced into doing anything you don’t want. You deserve more. If he can’t find pleasure in other ways (without hurting you or making you uncomfortable) then it’s time to cut ties.
If he says it’s a dealbreaker but hasn’t broken up with you, then he thinks he can use the threat of a breakup to push you into doing it when he knows you hate it.
If it’s really that big of a deal to him, then the relationship is over. He can find someone who actually likes it and you can find someone who won’t force you into sex you don’t want.
Op, if his deal breaker is a sexual act that you don’t want or like, leave. He obviously doesn’t care about your comfort and that is obviously a MAJOR red flag.
OP, its nice to be considerate but its your backside.
I’ve never understood how a (caring) partner would subject their SO, especially in intimate relations, to something they obviously do not want. Some might disagree with my perspective but I consider these relations as a form of communication and that they should always be an US thing, not a ME thing.
And to hell with any ‘You would if you loved me!’ gaslighting stupidity.
Lack of respect is an undeniable deal breaker. Break the deal OP.
Your body, your choice. If not doing anal is the reason he would leave you, he’s not in it for the long haul anyway. That is the dumbest reason to break up with someone tho. Like he NEEDS to do anal to be in a relationship with someone? Having a sexless relationship is one thing but just not getting to do one thing because it makes your partner uncomfortable is why you would leave them? That’s wild… He’s putting his sexual desire above your comfort/bounderies and that’s not someone you want to spend your life with. That’s a really unhealthy dynamic.
Absolutely don’t do something. You’re not comfortable with sexually. And if it’s a dealbreaker, it’s a dealbreaker. The fact he keeps push pushing you could be assigned that he’s trying to see how far he can push your boundaries, which is not a good thing either.
You have actually tried twice and have shown him that you were open to trying it but if you don’t like it and it hurts and he’s willing to throw away your relationship for just that one thing show him the door.
It doesn’t sound like he loves you that much if anal is a dealbreaker…
So as a dude who likes giving it anally, I gotta say that I have asked all of my girlfriends throughout my adult life and the ones that refused, I wouldn’t push it afterwards. Making it a deal breaker is a dick move and it’s basically emotional blackmail.
Call his bluff, break the deal. My bet is it’s not as important to him as he claims, but coercion seems legit to him.
In any case, you don’t wan to spend your life uncomfortable every time he’s horny, right? You’re better off alone
Repeat after me: “If you really need someone who likes anal, go find someone who likes anal. I don’t want to hear about it ever again.”
His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
What do you mean you don’t know what to do? The guy gets off doing something to you that he knows you don’t like and makes you uncomfortable.
If he wants it all the time and you don’t like it what do you think is going to happen? You’ll suddenly love getting fucked in ass?
as someone (25F)who enjoys it and who has a partner (30M) that enjoys anal… we still DO NOT do it all the time. rarely in fact. we do what is comfortable in the moment and we listen to each other.
a partner who can push a vulnerable situational boundary to a breaking point may be capable of anything.
also sex is supposed to be a team thing and never an “im going to do whatever i want no matter what” type of thing.
PLEASE STAY SAFE!!!
Break up. Do not ever force yourself to do sexual acts that hurt and make you uncomfortable.
You don’t need to do any kind of sex you don’t want to.
If it’s a deal breaker for him, and a no-go for you, then you two are fundamentally incompatible. Break up and move on.
Here’s what you say:
“No.”
You go about it by telling him no. If it’s a deal breaker for him, he can leave.
Boy bye
Break up. He wants it. You don’t. Break up and go your separate ways.
I think that if it is something non-negotiable for you, there is nothing more to talk about, right??? He can’t force you!! Why don’t you ask her if she would like a dildo there, you’ll see how she will understand you 😊😊
What is there to go about? If you don’t feel comfortable doing anal, you say no.
Ask yourself if you want to stay with someone whose dealbreaker is something you don’t feel comfortable doing to begin with.
If he says it’s a deal breaker, then it’s time to break up. Actually, it’s time to break up regardless of whether he says it’s a deal breaker or not. He knows it’s not something you want to do, yet he continues to use coercion to wear you down. Does not matter how good the sex is. Does not matter how good of a person he is most of the time.
Once he starts pressuring you after you said No, you don’t want it, he is no longer a good person, he’s no longer a good sexual partner and needs to be an ex
Ask him if you can do him first.
Obtaining something through force or threats is extortion and has no place in a healthy relationship.
Give in to this and you are setting yourself up for a world of pain.
It’s his deal breaker? Then break up with him. If this one sex act means the entire rest of the relationship is irrelevant and you hate that act, you two are incompatible. There’s nothing to discuss and no way to meet in the middle. It’s over.
Offer to do it to him if he’s so into it.
UpdateMe
Sexual coercion is a form of abuse. If he says he’ll walk, then let him walk. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.
I find that sickening how he’s making it a deal-breaker. Talk about ick to the highest degree!
Do you really think it’s a coincidence that his only kink is the one thing you don’t want to do? It seems to me his kink is less anal and more forcing you to do something you don’t want to do
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
Get a strapon and give him anal
Say no. Simple. He either respects the consent or doesn’t, if he doesn’t then end it.
INFO: How long have you been in this relationship?
Kick his ass to the curb, he obviously only cares about getting his rocks off and not about who he does it with. If anal is his dealbreaker he can enjoy zero sex with no partner.
I very much want to do that with my wife, she does not. We don’t have anal sex lol. Simple as that.
Wish him well and break up with him.
>he said this is a deal breaker
Good!!! Let him go
You have every right to say no. And he should respect you and your decision but if he can’t, then he is being disrespectful towards you
If he wants anal, give it to him! Shove it dildo up his ass he’ll love it. I mean if he really wants it that bad how could he say no😇
Boundaries are sacred.
No is a no.
Let it be the deal breaker.
Peg him first; then say, “No.” when it is your turn. 🤣🤣
Tell him it’s now your kink too and you can’t wait to drive your new 10 inch strap-on up his poop shute.
Or dump him because people who force “kinks” onto others are just assholes.
That’s likely his kink from watching ungodly amounts of porn. Walk away hon. If he can get pleasure from something that causes you suffering, no matter what it is, then you deserve much better. He’s giving “I like to violate consent” rn.
You don’t. That’s it.
My gf and i are exactly your ages (me being the 27yo man) and you simply don’t have anal. Unless you’re both in, you don’t do it.
Sex is based on consent, connection and understanding. If one has to force themselves to do something, and/or the other person tries to push them, convince them, or threaten the relationship, you let them leave.
It’s fine for him to see it as a dealbreaker, I find it dumb, but it’s fine for him to feel that way. As it’s fine for you to not want to do anal.
Him pushing you to do it should be a deal-breaker for YOU!
THROW HIM AWAY.
No!
Reading your comments, is his turn on anal or the knowledge that you dont like it?
No but break up. He clearly dont wanna hear your no and coersion ain’t consent.
Break up.
Try it on him
If it’s a dealbreaker, then let him be done seriously trying to push you into a sexual act that you don’t want to do. That’s pretty disgusting!!!
My spouse and I had that conversation one time and I was like yeah not really my thing you know what 15 years later it has never been brought up again because he realizes that no means no !!!
He doesn’t care about you. He cares about fucking you in the ass. That’s it.
Let him break up with you.
Peg him and tell him that’s your kink.
He’s an absolute loser you deserve so much better.
Break up is literally the only solution. If you don’t want to then under no circumstance should you do it
Does he watch porn? If he does, I really think it skews what reality is for us women, who are not in that industry, when it comes to that particular act.
“No” is a complete sentence, and if he doesn’t respect it… well, you know the answer.
When someone asks you to participate in a sexual act and you say no, that should be the end of it. When they keep nagging you about it, that’s called sexual coercion and it’s not consent!
When someone tries to coerce you into things you don’t want to do, you leave them because they are abusive AHs.
If it’s his dealbreaker, then he should break up with you, not try to coerce you into a sex act you’ve said no to. He is trash and you should put him to the curb for disposal.
You tell him no, you won’t be doing that and to stop asking, and that this is a deal breaker for you. Then you break up with him if he asks again. This pestering you for something you don’t just not enjoy but actively don’t like is not the action of a loving partner. He is putting his momentary pleasure over your comfort and well-being.
Find him a boyfriend …
Unless you WANT to do anal with him, don’t do it.
When it works, it’s good, but it’s not good of it’s not something you want or are into.
If you’re interested in trying it and enjoying it more, less chance of accidentally going number 2, etc then there are things to try, etc. and you can get tips on that easily enough.
It’s not fair or reasonable that your boyfriend is demanding this, nor should it be a dealbreaker for him. Outside of porn, most women aren’t giving guys anal all the time.
If he’s that insistent and you aren’t into it, time to be done with him.
At least save something for your husband, good grief….
How long have you been together?
You say no and that’s it. Ask him if he’s OK with shoving something up his ass.
Your boyfriend doesn’t give a hoot about you. Tell him you’ll shove something in his butt and see how he likes it. Why are you even staying with a man who only cares about sexually pleasing him? You should never do anything in bed which makes you feel uncomfortable. You’ve already given in when you didn’t want to. Stop being a doormat. Stand up for yourself!
Say no and if he asks again break up
He probly gay
I am absolutely shocked by the deal breaker thing
You’ve set your boundaries. He wants you to disregard your boundaries for his selfish pleasure.
You can be all done with this guy.
You say “No!”
Break the deal and fuck off this relationship
Well, strap on a dildo and treat him to some back door action…