My boyfriend is incredibly kind, treats me well, is very funny, and truly is everything I want from a partner…except sexually. He’s mid, at best, at giving oral. It feels like he’s stabbing me with his tongue. I’ve tried talking to him about it and how WE can improve foreplay several times, but I can tell he’s uncomfortable in those conversations. He said he that when we talk about sex that it feels more like a “review” which is not what I’m going for but I have no intention of getting a new partner just because we’re a little off sexually. We’ve had amazing sex in the past when we’re on vacation when it feels like we’re both taking our time.
My question is, how do I come to him in a way that makes our talks feel like they aren’t just a report card review but I experience fully great sex and communication with him?
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First off, being able to articulate if something is uncomfortable or displeasurable during sex is just kind of part of the deal. You don’t have to be mean, but you also don’t need to sugarcoat or beat around the bush. If hes not open to hearing “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that X is kinda uncomfortable, can we try something else” then hes not ready to be in a relationship.
Otherwise, try talking about more general ideas in sex, and not about the specifics of your relationship. Gotta continue normalizing that this is a thing to talk about.
> I have no intention of getting a new partner just because we’re a little off sexually
you’re more than a little off sexually, though. he’s refusing to communicate with you about something that is a big, important part of an intimate, serious relationship. he’s not taking your feelings seriously, avoiding the issue and turning it around on you when you try to bring it up – such that you are here looking for ways that you can do something better to make him understand.
what else can he not talk about? what other big, serious or intense topics does he avoid? why is this a topic he is neither kind nor funny about?
Well girl, tell your guy that review is necessary. Even if it feels weird, it is important. You need to understand and know what your partner likes. Atleast, if you want to keep them long term. If not, let him go bite other bitches down there and get smacked later lol. Sorry, but honestly what’s wrong with talking? Do one thing, when you’re blowing him next time, use a lot of teeth. And don’t listen when he gives you feedback. Say it makes you uncomfortable. Sorry, again joking. But am I?
It’s strange that a 28 year old adult cannot have an open conversation about sex and yalls bedroom life. Tell him these conversations are necessary to help you both feel comfortable and get the most out of intimacy together. He rlly needs to communicate and let you communicate as well.
It sounds like you’re dealing with something that can really test even the strongest relationships… and it’s not easy to feel like you’re not getting what you need when you’ve got so much else going for you. Maybe trying to find a way to talk about it without the pressure of “performance” could help, but how do you even start that conversation without making it sound like another lecture?
Focus on telling him what you like, communicate in the moment, (eg focus on what makes you feel good, the C…etc). Positive reinforcement.
I agree don’t let this relationship go just because of this. Sexual intimacy is just a small piece of the relationship as you face bigger challenges in life