So my friend who’s getting married in August invited me to go on a bachelorette trip with her and 16 other girls to Wisconsin to a lake house. She invited us back in November, so I got excited booked the flights and told him after I booked it. Well it turned into a fight. He’s was saying that he doesn’t trust the other girls and he’s worried about my safety and “he knows what happens on bachelorette trips”…We actually broke up over it, but got back together the next day and I told him I would look into changing it.
Well there’s no way to change it because it’s on an airline that only goes to like 12 cities and I don’t want a credit that will go to waste. Well basically I just never brought it up again because honestly, I wasn’t sure we’d still be together by the time it came around. Well we are and it’s next week and I’m absolutely terrified to bring it up to him. I just need some advice on how to bring it up or what I should do.
I have a feeling he’s gonna get pissed and tell me how horrible of a person I am for lying to him and break up with me, he’ll try to make me feel like absolute shit and try to ruin my trip. He’s the kind of person that will just break up with me when he gets worked up over “something I did” and then come back a few hours later and be fine after scolding me.
We’ve been together for over two years and this is my first girls trip since we’ve been together. I’d also like to add, he just brought up that he’s thinking about going on a guys golfing trip somewhere…
TL;DR! Boyfriend doesn’t like the idea of me going on a bachelorette trip to a lake house. I’m going next week and need to bring it up to him, I just don’t know how to.
Comments
Let him break up with you. Go on the trip. Have an amazing time. Don’t date possessive men in the future. Problem solved.
Y’all gonna fuck random fish at a lake house? What is he worried about? You’re not going to Vegas and even if you were YOU ARE ALLOWED
This man is trash, find another one – you should not be terrified to bring this up and if he wants to break up with you about it, then great, the trash took itself out.
How about you break up with him and then go on the trip guilt free. This dude is a jerk. Why bother.
He doesn’t trust you to do normal adult things. And he’s a massive jerk about it.
He’s manipulative.
There is no reason that you should have to skip a bachelorette trip for ‘reasons’. You have done nothing to cause a lack of trust so he shouldn’t put that on you.
I’m sorry to say but if he breaks up with you over this don’t let him come crawling back. He thinks he can use that to control you and it will only get worse.
Why are you with him? You’re a grown woman you can go on a trip with friends whenever you like. He’s trying to control you, and that’s not love its manipulation
So break up. This isn’t a good relationship if he’s treating you like this. lol then he gets to go away for golf? Girl really?! Think about that double standard in your face
You realize that dating someone who controls your every move is abusive and unhealthy. Do you want to live a life free of eggshells and fear of conversations? The only way to do that is to break free of your abuser.
Why would you want to be with someone so controlling? When I told my fiance I was going on a cruise to Mexico in August, he practically threw me a party and was like “OMG I’m SO EXCITED for you!” Because he wants me to have fun. Why doesn’t your bf want you to have a fun life? That’s not how you want to spend your life, with someone who doesn’t trust you and doesn’t want fun experiences for you.
Why are you trying to stay together with someone who doesn’t trust you?
> He’s the kind of person that will just break up with me when he gets worked up over “something I did” and then come back a few hours later and be fine after scolding me.
This alone is more than enough reason to end this relationship. This should be a dealbreaker.
I’m a man. This is crazy behavior from him. You’re a 33 year old adult you can control yourself. If he doesn’t think you can control yourself he’s a weirdo.
Apologies, but posts like this never make any sense to me. Are ur friends a priority or not? If friends are disposable to you and always take a backseat to a guy, then, yes, ditch them to spare ur bf’s fragile ego (not to mention his complete lack of faith in you.) This will spare you from his ridiculous (and unjustified) anger. But if you are a person of character who values her friendships, then tell him the truth: you couldn’t change the tickets. If he badgers you about it, you’ll know he’s a child and you can leave happily on your trip without his baggage holding you back. Oh, but tell him in a public place to ensure safety. He sounds like he has anger issues that are seriously untreated.
You shouldn’t have gotten back together with him in the first place. All it did was delay the fight and almost certain breakup a year
You shouldn’t have been pressured not to go in the first place, you also shouldn’t have told him you wouldn’t go when you got back together especially since it doesn’t sound like you ever had any intention of changing your plans. (Which, to be clear, you shouldn’t change! You should go and have a good time. Y’all had been together a year-ish? and he was trying to pressure you to not go on a girls weekend you’d already booked? Wild.)
You’ve gotta just tell him at this point. Trying to hide or lie about it will only make things worse and delay the issue longer
Make sure you count every unsupervised future trip out of the question too.
It’s the Wisconsin woods, not Las Vegas, what the fuck does he think is gonna happen? Bigfoot strippers?
This has nothing to do with your safety and everything to do with his insecurity. Breaking up with him was the right response. Getting back together the next day was not.
Two thoughts come to mine…
If he is the kind of person who would break up with you just because he is worked up over something, and he is not the kind of person that you want to be dating. Let him break up with you, or even better break up with him first.
He honestly sounds so controlling and manipulative…
When he comes back after a few hours you tell him that treating you like shit is a non-negotiable dealbreaker and he should just keep him walking. Then go have fun on your trip!
I think he’s projecting from movies and what men do on their bachelor trips. He’s worried about you cheating. Period. He doesn’t ACTUALLY trust you. What’s a relationship without trust?
Have you ever done anything that would call his trust in you into question? Do you have friends that have done morally questionable shit?
I think he’s just going to have to get over it, but I do wonder if there’s a legitimate reason he’s worried.
Do you actually see a future with this guy? This is really how you want to live your life?
Who cares! Go! Wisconsin lakes are great! You can relax and have fun! 2 years is nothing. Now you know who he is. You did nothing wrong. This will be your whole life if you give in now. Tell him to grow up and you are going.
Ok, so let him break up with you. You’re 33 for god’s sake, why are you letting some irrational man browbeat you over YOUR choices?
He doesn’t like girl’s trips? Neat. He can continue feeling that way while you enjoy yourself with your girlfriends.
Break up. Getting back together was a mistake but you can always fix it. He is treating you like a child. He thinks you need to be controlled and shouldn’t make your own decisions. That’s some bullshit. You’re 33 years old. Do you want him complaining every time you want to do something fun for the rest of your life?
Why would you be with someone you are terrified to talk to about going on a planned trip to celebrate a friend? Dump the boyfriend.
You don’t need to change it. He is trying to control you and what you do and that is unacceptable. He doesn’t need to trust the other girls he needs to trust the woman he’s dating. Not only does he not trust you but he’s projecting his own insecurities. This is a giant red flag. Go be with your friends and dump him permanently this time.
“ He’s the kind of person that will just break up with me when he gets worked up over “something I did” and then come back a few hours later and be fine after scolding me.” THIS IS ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR! He is emotionally abusing/manipulating you when he does this. Please, don’t walk girl..RUN.
Men who try to control women’s movements need to be single. Break up.
Ma’am, you are 33. We do not take orders from other adults like this. There is nothing for you to compromise on. This is not something normal to fight about. You are not overreacting.
It sounds like two years was enough time for this relationship to run its course. Have fun with your friends!!
After you mentioned that he will break up with you after “something that [you] did”, you should know that this is an emotionally manipulative tactic that a person will use in order to leverage another.
In two years, he can’t trust you to go on a bachelorette trip? That is not only hurtful to you, it is insulting to your character. It’s a weekend, not months.
Don’t let him treat you this way! You will miss so many opportunities by letting someone like him subject you to “consequences” by doing something he doesn’t approve of.
I’d go on the trip and let him dump me. He sounds like dead weight anyway.
Question
Are the women on this trip the kind of people a boyfriend should be worried about? IE the kind who cheat, lie, manipulate etc etc
OR
Are they just regular decent women who are going to hang out at a lakehouse and get drunk together?
I am not defending his reactions…but you left that context out
It’s easy to say he is being insecure or toxic
But if you have shitty friends…and being around them has caused you to make poor decisions in the past, then you can at least see where he is coming from
Look…I agree with others. If your friends are just regular people, and there will be no strippers or cheating on partners tolerated….then yeah, this guy is insecure and you can and should do better
But if you have shady friends…then you have to accept that people are not going to trust your judgement when you hang out with shady people
I had to scroll back up to double check the ages…
As for how to bring it up – ‘remember that bachelorette trip, it’s next week so I’ll be gone from date till date’. Easy peasy. If he breaks up with you consider it one less thing to stress over
Girl you are 33 years old, what are you doing thinking a man can “allow” or “not allow” you to do something. Break up and go to Wisconsin with your friends. Don’t give him another thought. I promise there are better men out there.
Why are you staying with this total loser? Break up with him and have a great trip.
It’s so refreshing when the trash takes itself out.
I bet if you look back, this dude probably has a history of controlling behavior.
Honestly, you deserve better.
To start, he doesn’t trust you to be able to say no unless he’s there to supervise. Think about it. So what if something inappropriate starts to happen. If you’re committed to your relationship, you are more than capable of saying “no” even up to the point of leaving if you have to. Except he’s unwilling to trust that you would do that. He believes you would participate in whatever inappropriate things might happen if they even do.
Think about the extended meaning behind that too. A common reason people tend to feel that they can’t trust their partner is because they know that in the same situation themselves, they’d participate. They’d give in to avoid creating conflict or even because they might believe they won’t get caught.
You say he’s recently mentioned going on a “guys golfing trip” recently. You know what happens on those trips? They spend part of the day golfing and then they spend the evening going out and partying, often to strip clubs. At least, that’s what I’ve heard so it must be true, right?
And even if it’s completely false or even if it’s true but he has zero intention of doing any of that, why is he allowed to go on a trip without you, but you’re not allowed to go on a trip without him? How is that fair? How is that respectful of you as an individual versus treating you like “kept property”?
So no, don’t let him tell you to skip the party. Go. Tell him you’re going. And if he wants to pull his manipulative tactics and break up with you, let him do that too.
You deserve to be trusted enough to stay committed to your relationship. If he can’t do that, then he’s not the one for you.
You should have stayed broken up. Tell him you’re still going on the trip and if he doesn’t like it, he can go fuck himself.
honestly the only regrets i have in this life is letting boys i was seeing take away from fun times with my friends, girls trips are important and get harder and harder to execute and pull off with everyone the older you get, protect your peace at all costs and enjoy your friends, you sit him down tonight so whatever fall out is not fresh during the trip, tell him you are going and if he doesn’t like it and tries to ruin your fun you will break up with him and block his number for the entire trip. this guy sounds like kind of a dweeb anyway, your person will want you to have fun with your friends.
You’re terrified to tell him. Let that sink in. Why do you want to be with someone who terrifies you?