My boyfriend 37M with 2 kids and me 30 F with 1 kid. Whenever he comes to my home he buy dinner and desserts for me and my kid many times. Yesterday we visited his house and went golf and fair with his kids and mine. Around 8.30 PM I went to took bath meanwhile he ordered ice cream for his kids not mine even though he knew my daughter was there. And then when she went over to him and asked can I have he said no I didn’t buy for you. Today she said to me he didn’t give her the ice cream. I asked him why didn’t you buy one for her if she is your own daughter you will do that?I said you didn’t need to buy one for my kid but if you give heads-up I will order it for her. He said he promised his kids that he will buy an ice cream and he claimed he quickly order only 2 before closing the store. I asked him if she is your kid will you do that? He said I’m not making sense bcz he always but whenever he is at my place. I break up with him because my daughter father passed away if he is alive he will never do that to his daughter in any situation. Am I being fair ? I started dating 4 years after my husband passed only because I want to give a fatherly person in her life but this really hurt me. I’m feeling like she had to go through this because of me.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I do think that is really rude and weird. Even if you guys weren’t dating and he was just your friend, only buying ice cream for 2 children when there is 3 there is rude as F!! Making the 3rd kid feel left out. If money was such a problem he could have asked you to at least pay for hers afterward or something.
You did the right thing. Anyone who can leave a present kid out isn’t worth your time. Especially as you wouldn’t do that to HIS kids.
Good on you for putting your daughter first. It is just mean spirited to get a treat for his kids and not yours when they are all together, if it was a money thing he could’ve gotten money from you. It sounds like he was either very thoughtless or he wanted to prove your daughter was less than his kids.
Yes you’re being fair. Your child comes first. What he did was inconsiderate, exclusionary and a vision into what your daughter’s future would be like with him in it. What an arsehole.
I think you’re doing the right thing for your child based on his behavior. How could he over look one of the kids, he’s caring for them all together at the same time. I would be really disappointed in him & probably leave, maybe a conversation however I’m not sure that would be productive.
I thought it would be a silly case at first but after reading your whole post, it’s clear to see that your ex partner did something childish and selfish: putting his ideals and emotions (perhaps resent or jealousy) before a child. A CHILD and there’s something that automatically doesn’t make that okay. And you did the right thing in my book
You did the right thing. No decent person would ever do that.
Thank you all for your comments…! I talked to him he sounded like he is right I’m making a drama. Thanks
INFO: so he “always” buys stuff, but didn’t this one time, so you broke up with him? Is my interpretation correct?
You did the right thing.
I have accidentally bought the wrong amount before. I grabbed a cup/bowl/plate and took a bit from everyone else’s.
It almost sounds like he does things for your daughter when you’re there to witness, then doesn’t think she’s important when you’re not there to see.
Good on you for standing up for your daughter!
He screwed up, but if this little incident makes you dump him, I’m sure you have a long list of other problems with him. Everyone telling you this single incident is deserving of a breakup is out of their minds.
I’d break up for this too.
Choosing what your daughter deserves over anything else will always be the right decision
Yeah that was just mean. If he had a problem (eg with not wanting to pay for things for your daughter) he should’ve spoken with you about it like an adult, not made your daughter feel hurt. He’s a child.
I bet if you had excluded his kids he would’ve been furious and yelled at you.
You absolutely did the right thing. He is still thinking his kids and your kid and it should just be the kids.
Good for you for thinking of your daughter. He has shown you who he is , believe him. It won’t get better and she will always be other to his kids.
Hugs for you both.
I think you’re a really really great mom for leaving him right away and not backing down. I think your daughter is in very good hands with you, and that the two of you will be happier and healthier and more at peace without a man who behaves like that in your lives. I think you protected your girl, and you also showed her through your actions just how loved she is by you.
I’m okay with you breaking up with a guy who would leave out a little kid like that. That’s horrible. I don’t care if he thinks of her as his kid or not. You don’t buy ice cream for two kids then make the third sit there and watch them eat it. That’s just cruel. If I had screwed up like that and forgotten her I’d be making a store run immediately to make sure she got her own special treat.
If this is all it takes for you to break up, you did him a favor. Whatever happened to communication? If you don’t like something, communicate it, try to rectify it, and move on. Major overreaction, IMHO. Ps. From i read, you’re not even into him. Wtf being with someone for utilitarian reasons is horse shit. He’s better off if this is how you handle conflict.
Its standard practice. If I go to my neice of nephews birthdays you always bring a gift for the other kid.
You don’t ever do that to a friend, lest a kid. Worst, it’s to a kid.
What if the ice cream was like a special reward or payment for something his girls did, and if he just bought everyone an ice cream it wouldn’t be special reward anymore.. not everyone gets everything everyone else gets all the time..
That was definitely really rude. You are at his house, you are in the bath, and your kid is with him and his kids and he buys them ice cream and not for your kid?! Even if you aren’t dating, if you are at someone else’s house with your kid and they get ice cream for their kids and don’t even ask you if they should get one for your kid also, that’s extremely rude!
I’m not sure if it’s quite break up worthy as I don’t know the whole picture of the relationship, but if it was a common happening where he never included your daughter, then I do think that’s break up worthy!
Your kid comes first. What he did was intentional and hurtful. That guy needs to go.
Look, if I have my kids and an extra friend there I’m buying them ice cream. Bc it’s just wrong to buy treats for some but not all.
ya that’s very rude and cruel to deny her ice cream and make her watch others eat it! She probably felt like she was being punished.
It definitely sends a message that she was the outsider being left out. If he thinks that’s ok, I’d seriously question if he’s a good father figure or will make her feel inept. However, since this is first time and usually thinks of her as well, then maybe this was a miscommunication, If he had already ordered the ice cream before knowing she’d be there,
He was cruel to your child. Imagine the things he does that she can’t or is afraid to vocalize.
Ok at the risk of being called a prude I’m going to just straight up say it: you shouldn’t have let him meet your daughter in the first place. For 10 years my son never woke up to a man spending the night. I never took him on my dates. I also refused to meet anyone else’s kids. My brothers were his father figures. There are Organizations for that as well but not your transient boyfriend. My son was 16 when he walked me down the aisle. It’s best not to get attached to anyone’s kids that is a sore path to heartache.
You’re right. Don’t date someone who excludes your child and treats them as lesser than their own. Don’t let it become the norm. And I’m sure he’d lose his mind if you had bought goodies for your child and nothing for his.
That’s actually cruel to your child. She was left without, while he gave it to his kids in front of her.
You need to do what is best for you and your daughter.