My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than 9 years. He would consider himself to be adventurous and a rule breaker. Im adventurous but not a rule breaker.
He likes to ask me to do things that make me uncomfortable (non sexual) for example, yesterday we were at a national park and we missed the last kayak rental. He was annoyed so he asked me if would either take a kayak after the employees left or take one of the campers kayaks that was left at the beach for the next day.
I told him that I was uncomfortable with that idea and that I didn’t want to do participate. I told him we would come back next week to rent the kayak. He became very annoyed and angry that I didn’t trust him to make this decision. He told me that I need to let him lead and know my place in certain situations. He also said i was being an NPC. I still refused to participate…he was very upset with him
What are your thoughts?
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You can leave. You may not like that answer but he’s controlling and manipulative and you’re falling for it. If you can’t respect your boundaries, he’s not going to and him trying to tell you to let him lead is just proof of that control.
I’d tell him that you don’t want a counsellor you want a partner. Basically he’s a bully who wants to tell you what to do when. Get rid of him.
PS referring to you as something that references characters in GAMING? F*** him, tiny boy man
Your bf is a criminal and your values don’t match he can go on to lead another women who likes to be a criminal. Unless you become criminal this relationship is doomed
Seriously calling someone an NPC at 40 is so fucking unserious lmfao he sounds like a manipulative loser and a man baby. Dating someone like this for 9 yrs sounds incredibly exhausting
Know your place?!? WTF – my husband would never use these words. Following his lead could get you thrown in jail or have other negative consequences. How would I handle this? I would never stay with someone that tells me to know my place, nor would I stay with someone that doesn’t have morals. Your boyfriend is an AH.
Know your place? WTF?? For me that’s grounds for a very serious discussion about boundaries and crossing them. Anything but an immediate apology would be grounds for bye bye
I don’t like the way he spoke to you. You need to let him lead? WTF? He sounds like a AssHat.
He sounds like a dick honestly.
You have your own boundaries, and he needs to respect that. You’ve been together this long, and you not wanting to do things like break rules (or let’s be honest, theft is illegal) is not something you just change. He should understand that.
Next time he asked you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable just tell him you’re an NPC. Seriously start standing up for yourself and saying no especially when it comes to things that are breaking the law and generally being a shitty person
Why do you stay with this adult child man who bullies you and pushes your boundaries this way? You don’t have to accept this treatment.
What is an NPC and why are you dating this dingdong?
Why are you dating a 15 year old?
It’s been 9 years. Stop wasting your time with an immature dipshit.
I would break up.
“Know my place” would be the end of it.
Plus, I value ethics in my partner. Not criminality.
I know it’s hard after you wasted so long on him, but that’s also exactly why you should not waste a minute longer. Telling you to let him lead in order to commit criminal dangerous (eg, no one there if you got into trouble on the water) acts is pathetic at his age. As are his insults. Npc? Know your place??? No. Your place is far away from him. Untangle your finances, etc, asap from him and walk away with your head held high.
Question: how serious is he about these adventures? My adhd turns rampant at times, and I get all sorts of idiot ideas. I usually talk myself out of them, though.
If he weren’t so mean to you, one option would be to play along for a little while — “yeah, that’d be so cool, we could get our headlamps and go far enough on the lake to see the Pleiades really well” And then add you’re unsure about this or that, and you’d feel bad about taking the kayak. This gives him a chance to get a little dopamine hit from imagining the plan, feeling like you’re his partner in crime, and getting a sidequest, like maybe finding a good spot for watching the Pleiades. Legally.
However. This man is acting horribly. Where did he get the “he must lead” idea? How illogical is it to complain about that when he’s proposing something illegal? I’d hit him with “Oh, so if you jump out the window I should follow, right?” And seriously check his podcast/youtube history. I’m not saying break up immediately, but he’s acting like a petulant teen and you’re acting like his mother and that is not a good romantic relationship.
Sounds like someone who would lead you into danger. Avoid those types of “leaders”. He’s showing you his moral character. How he spoke to you, how he wanted to take the kayak anyway.
I have never seen or heard of a relationship working out when one partner has contempt for the other and I’m not sure why you would want to. He thinks you have a ‘place’???
If someone told me to stay in my place they would never see me again.
It’s enough red flags to call it a parade and watch from a distance. Don’t participate in stealing or be with someone who uses NPC term to humans.
“Know your place”?? Why are you with this asshole??
There are breaking rules and then there is what he’s doing. I come from family of rule breakers, but they draw the line at theft. And him calling you an NPC is concerning. People who think like that aren’t right in the head.
He wants you to engage in criminal behavior? Weird.
If he thought it was such a great idea, why didn’t he steal the kayak himself? 🤔
He probably has a record already and knows he would get in more trouble than someone without a record.
Or just didn’t wanna risk it. A good partner protects you. This man is trying to put you in danger/get you into trouble.
‘know your place’? What?
And he’s suggesting theft, which you didn’t want t do, so he twists that into you ‘didn’t trust him to make this decision’? The decision to commit a felony? That decision?
Is he always dismissive of you because he is the main character?
What are you doing with this guy??? No, seriously!!! What are you doing?
I wouldn’t call stealing “being adventurous”. Grow a spine and leave.
I mean, he’s asking you to break the law, not try brussel sprouts. There could be actual consequences depending how things play out.
Dump him is the obvious answer, but it’s been 9 years so I doubt that’ll happen.
Your boyfriend is a spoiled child in a man’s body. Also he’s very manipulative. Don’t waste your time with him. Life is way too short. You deserve so much better.
Leave. He gets off on making you do things you don’t want to. Stop being this man’s doormat and leave. The more you put up with the more he’ll push. You need to understand that hurting you is the point.
Lmao does he even know what NPC is?
I’d leave.
He asked you to help him steal something. Kayaks aren’t cheap. Sure you’d return it but if someone caught you, there’d be potential legal ramifications. Also if something happened while you were out, I bet he’d want to sue them even though he stole a kayak. And he’s somehow blame you.
Why do you want to be with someone with questionable morals? There is nothing wrong with you. You just don’t want to get arrested. Perfectly reasonable desire.
I just finished a book by Lara Love Hardin and it talks about her incarceration and her introduction back into society. The legal system intentionally separated her post incarceration from her husband because he wasn’t ready to get clean. And the times they were out on bail together, he got her into trouble again. That is how this relationship can go. He makes bad choices. You follow along for whatever reason ties you to him. And he keeps enabling her bad choices. It’s a huge spiral.
And even if you don’t join him, you KNOW. And being an accessory could land you in trouble too. There is a reason our parents told us not to hang out with people like your bf. They could drag us down if we aren’t strong enough to get out on our own before things get too bad. We think we can “save them”. And sure. Sometimes it happens and people need a chance. But your bf? He’s just a criminal and doesn’t care.
Nine years? You’ve spent NINE YEARS with an asshole who tells you to know your place and let him lead, and calls you an NPC? Why would you do this to yourself?! Surely a good book and a well-steeped cup of tea is a vastly superior replacement for a man like this.
“Know your place” “NPC” ?? What in the douchelord podcast-bro did he just say to you? Go now, live your life as your own main character and wish him luck finding the one who knows her place (which might be jail, so)
You’re dating a twelve year old wrapped in a forty year old body. Grown ups don’t do shit like this. He won’t get better, but he’ll probably get worse.
Your bf sounds like an AH. Has he been redpilled? Telling you that you should let him lead and know your place is something that would make me walk away. He wants you to join him in stealing a kayak, which is illegal. And then he balks when you decline to do it. He has zero respect for you. Leave him.
Your boyfriend wants to steal and gets upset you don’t comply- wauw I don’t think this is a good idea. You don’t need to participate if your bf wants to be a piece of human garbage
bro needs to realize this isn’t Skyrim and he can’t cheese wheel his way out of this when he gets caught stealing (which is exactly what he was going to have you do).
How old is this guy? He sounds like a bratty 12 yr old. Let him lead? Like lead you to steal? Thi whole thing gives me the ick. He’s having a tantrum because you won’t go along with his stupid ideas. Nine years may be the limit of this relationship.
You do not want to be charged as an accessory to a crime.
How many posts does it take you change your mind? Your post history shows you aren’t ready to stand up for yourself.
So he’s trying to pressure you into criminal behavior? Your boyfriend is a reckless child. Break up with him.
You’re both well into your adult years. If this kind of stuff is new, he needs to see a doctor. If it’s been going on the whole time, it’s normal for you to have grown out of it.
Tell him this ends now and mean it – no more arguing. The next time he acts like this you walk away from him, completely disengage. In case of the kayak, go to your tent or to the car and read a book or scroll on your phone. Keep disengaging because you’re past the point of being interested in engaging in risky behavior. Consequences are too great. He’ll get the hint.
It’s not just things that make you uncomfortable. It’s theft. And people like him ruin everything. I myself own 3 kayaks. We couldn’t afford vacation this summer, so I bought boats and we would be devastated if they were stolen. (I hate your boyfriend)
But to call you a Non-playable character is beyond rude. Leave him, you are both too old to be acting like that. Him for being a thief, you for staying with him. Go find an adult who will not miss the rental time.
Time to break up.
You are dating a child.
Any man who says you need to “know your place” should know his place in your ex bf file. I promise you when you find someone who actually loves YOU and not what you DO for him, you’ll be sooo happy you left. And no, not all the good ones are gone, there are plenty of good ones who were busy building careers or who were also dating rude people who are out there. I found my true love at 36 and all I can think is why I put up with so much before
How have you put up with this behavior for 9 years. You need to leave before he does something and you get locked an as an accessory!
He asked you to do something illegal. This is not normal for a relationship.
Hear him out when he says ‘know your place’ and recognize that your place is nowhere near this embarrassment of a human. He’s going to get arrested and act surprised because he’s too special for that. This sounds a lot like dating a 13 year old… Girl, why???