My boyfriend and I broke up and now he texts me that he is going to kill himself – what should I do?
My boyfriend and I broke up and now he texts me that he is going to kill himself – what should I do?
r/Advice
My boyfriend and I broke up and now he texts me that he is going to kill himself – what should I do?
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Does he have family or friends you can call. That or send the police for a wellness check.
Call the police. That behavior is very manipulative. It’s his desperate attempt to hold onto you.
Police. Let a trained professional handle it, they know what to do.
Let him… let’s see if he’s serious or not.
I have a dvo in place for this behaviour (f37) tell him every time he says that you’ll send an ambulance around for a welfare check. And do it. We don’t have the skills and you don’t need the responsibility
Screenshot them and send them to his family and friends to get him help then block the number.
If you’re in the US give him the 988. In my experience that’s some manipulative bullshit abusers use to make you feel guilty and stay.
You broke up. He needs to respect boundaries. And honestly if he’s telling you ideation and plan and you think he’s serious I would call the local police and report it. Then wash your hands of his bullshit and ghost and block him. If he’s professing the desire to end his life he needs help from professionals.
Police call
Yup police call
First, I wouldn’t let someone use emotional blackmail on you. That is a form of abuse. Regardless of whether he means it or not, it is unhealthy and emotionally violent. He is being histrionic, seeking your attention. It is immature, inappropriate, and unfair. Regardless of the surface sentiment which would suggest you should always entertain someone who seeks to manipulate you like this, that should should some how put someone else’s mental and emotional issues before your own, you should first look at yourself.
You have a primary responsibility to yourself to ensure your own well being and happiness. That means not letting someone use threats like this to manipulate your thoughts, emotions, choices and actions. That is abuse, full stop.
If someone I boke up with, had no more romantic relationship with, someone I chose not to associate with anymore, tried to do something like this to me, I would block them. I can’t tell you what you should do. There is so much detail and nuance in any situation. There isn’t enough detail for anyone to truly give you a suggestion on how you should proceed. I can just say what I, myself, would do given the matter. I wouldn’t let someone being immature and not respecting my choices and boundaries put this type of abuse on me. When someone is addicted to drugs, you remove the drugs. When someone is addicted to you, you remove you. I’d block contact and hope that after a time of not being able to reach you with this posturing, that the posturing will be abandoned over time. Time heals so much. Your ex is surely full of regret, and regret is chaotic and painful and can lead us to say and do things we don’t truly mean. It is adulthood, maturity, that gives us experience and competence to handle stress and regret in healthy manners. Your boyfriend isn’t there yet, so you find a situation like this.
The TLDR of all this is when someone uses emotional terrorism on you, you treat them like a terrorist. Number one rule of dealing with terrorists and not to negotiate and give them what they want. If someone is manipulating your for attention on some regard, deny it. The way they feel and behave is all on them, it isn’t your fault or responsibility.
I wish you good luck.
Call the police. That’s all you can and should do.
Block him.
Tell him to do it outside
Forward the messages to mother or call cops on him
Call the police as everyone has said. Get him 5150ed so he can get help. Also keep this in mind. “Do what I want or I will kill myself” is usually a manipulation tactic. Yes, I am aware it is often a cry for help and should not be ignored. BUT you can not live your life as someone’s puppet to keep them from doing it. The first time my son threatened he was about 8. I punished him (it was something like “if I can’t have that candy I will kill myself”) . A few weeks later I told him I don’t negotiate with terrorists. It would break my heart if he did, and I would never get over it, but I would not be giving in to him because of that threat. He is 30 now and still threatening and soft attempting. Soft attempt means something that could end him, but always staged to get him help in time. And it breaks my heart, but I can’t stop him. I will not be controlled by that. Did you ever watch the really funny and horribly racist “Blazing Saddles”? Google “Blazing Saddles sheriff hostage”. Sorry about the language but I always think of this scene when someone makes that threat to get their way, not because of mental health issues.
When we were young, early 20s, my ex would do this to me when we fought. Citing since his uncle and grandfather killed themselves, he could do it too. It was a control tactic.
One time I called his parents. I could hear the eye rolls over the phone. 20+yrs later, he’s just fine.
Block him
Nothing. Block him.
Cops. Then family of his if you know them. Then silence his texts. I wouldn’t block him in case he escalates. You’ll want to know if he’s going to start stalking you
Let him. He’s just trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad. People do this crap for attention. I’m not saying don’t be worried or call the police, or even the local psych ward. If he was truly going to kill himself, he never would have said anything and just done it. Sorry you’re going through this!
Anytime someone says they are experiencing suicidal ideation you always:
take it seriously,
remember that you are not a trained mental health clinician (even trained mental health clinicians ask for help for their love ones)
call for help from emergency services in your area or report the situation to their family or close friend so they can call for help and provide support afterward.
Remember that the person will need to heal and you don’t need to be involved in that healing at all, especially where the suicidal ideation maybe an emotional manipulation tactic to pull you back into an unhealthy situation.
Call the police (the non-emergency line) report for a wellness check. If he has family that care tell them too. You have to show them texts or voice mails. After you tell those who needs to know block him and move on.
He will continue to take himself hostage, in an attempt to manipulate you into taking him back. He could have tried to be a better person and win you back, but he didn’t. Instead, he opted to try to take your decision away from you, by using the value of his life against you. This is grade A abuse.
Whatever he does to himself, is not your fault. You are a person, and you get to decide for yourself who you will date and who you won’t. His actions are his own, and they have absolutely nothing to do with you.
If you give into this even once, even a little bit (“Fine, we can talk for a bit, just don’t do anything crazy.”), you’ll be trapped. He will play this card again and again, and you will never be rid of him. He may swallow a bunch of pills and tell you he did so, he may slash his wrists and show you the wounds. Your only safe move is to notify the police and his family, and to permanently go no contact with him.
If you try to handle this yourself, there is a greater chance that he will commit suicide. He’s likely to turn up the pressure, and start self-harming, or make cry-for-help attempts, in order to manipulate you. A good number of people that do this miscalculate, and end up committing suicide for real, on accident. The safest thing for you both, is for you to never talk to or have anything to do with him again.
That’s a bit manipulative, call 911 and let them handle the rest
Id be freaked out but probably do nothing.
Or you could send the message to their family who can take over and handle this.
Try and block their number.
Call 911. Don’t mess with that. He’s either serious and needs professional help, or he’s trying to manipulate you and needs professional help. You are not professional help.
Well hun he is just saying that
Call police and report him. He is most likely manipulating you into guilt. But in case he isn’t you need get him help. But both manipulation or depression he needs help now.
Ring his parents or call to them show them the text. Take it serious
Contact someone in his family & tell them. Or call the police. He might really need a mental health evaluation. Don’t go meet him anywhere.
My ex said the same thing, it’s been 2 years and the mf is still alive ⏳⏳⏳⏳ tell his family so they’re aware. That’s not your responsibility
Sounds like you’ve done enough. Live with the guilt when he does it.