I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we’re both 18 but last year (May 2024) he texted 2 different girls on a dating app calling them gorgeous, (the girls never responded but the intention was there) this was a week after I met his family (and 2 weeks before my birthday)
We had been together 3 months but talking to one another for 6.
I only found this out 2 days ago while at his and I’m still in a state of shock. I don’t know what to do.
I also caught nudes, and lude photos of other girls on his phone around a week and half ago, I was willing to give him a chance from that, although I was still very hurt. I see that as unfaithful due to my boundaries.
I don’t know what to do, I told him for the time being I need some time to think but I said we’re together for now.
I need help, I don’t know what to do. My mind is racing between will he change? or will he do it again and just hide it better?
Thank you for reading
EDIT: Can everyone please not say I don’t have respect for myself or that why haven’t I done it already.
Trust me I was always one to say that if someone cheated on me I’d be gone in a flash, but it’s alot easier said than done.
I’m still in a major state of shock and denial. I don’t want to believe that the person I never thought would hurt me in any way at all, would do something like this.
I will definitely give updates, but please, just respect the fact it’s fresh in my head.
Comments
You should break up with your cheating boyfriend.
the only answer is to leave. literally. ive been in your shoes & wasted 5 years on someone because i chose to forgive them instead of leaving them right where they had me fucked up. don’t be like me. you’re 18 & have your life ahead of you
from experience, they don’t change. Also being only 18 you have so many more years ahead of you to experience different and better people. He’s repeatedly broken your boundaries, and that’s just the things you’ve found/ know about. I get no one is perfect but if his actions are hurting you i think it’s time to say goodbye.
They always cheat again. Anybody who ever forgave a cheater, including myself, can tell you they literally always keep cheating. If you stay, you’re showing him he can disrespect you over and over and you’ll continue the relationship anyway. Respect yourself
You know what to do.. you want someone else to do it for you! Time to move on.. next summer you will be sooo glad you did
He’s obviously not sorry or going to stop. Ditch him!
Dump him sis. Every single guy I gave a second chance to just did the same thing again only it hurt worse to go through it the second time, cuz then that felt like my fault for giving him the chance at that point. Break the cycle – there’s so many other guys out there that will respect you
I’ve been in your spot so I know it’s a lot easier for me to say it than for you to actually go and do it, but you need to break it off. It’s pretty great once you start to get your peace of mind back and you’re not driving yourself crazy wondering why your relationship isn’t working.
Hook up with the 2 girls, and send pics to your BF asking him what’s wrong with him that they didn’t respond.
End it immediately and never take him back.
We teach people how to treat us by what we are willing to accept. Do not learn to be someone who accepts this, or any of his excuses for it. There will be MANY excuses. None of them matter.
Welcome to adult life. You wipe your ass with failed partners until you find a good one, or… you make do. Making do is always a horror story across years or decades.
Hugs, OP
🫂
You guys aren’t even together. At least not in his mind. Hes your boyfriend to you. But you’re just another girl to him.
He’s not ready to settle down. You have your whole life ahead of you. It will get better with time. Good luck.
Just go. You will 100% be glad you did.
He won’t change, leave him
LEAVE. you seen all the evidence you need it makes no sense to stay with a serial cheater
I don’t understand why you would need to question your decision to leave or stay. If you have any ounce of respect for yourself, you would know that this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable and a deal breaker in a relationship. Why stay with someone who clearly hasn’t put you first, is sneaky and selfish? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone you can never fully trust again? You deserve to be with someone who adores you and would never disrespect you in this way. He will NEVER change.
Leave him.
Don’t settle for someone who keeps you guessing about their loyalty.
break it off. itll just get worse. if you stay with him, he will think he can get away with it and he will get better at cheating
Just tell him you are disappointed because you honestly thought he was better than that, then just dump him cold.
OP so sorry you’re going through this.
Turning 18 only means that he’s legally an adult. Sounds like he identifies more as a dirtbag.
Could he grow out of this? Sure. But you don’t need to put up with it.
If he hid that for so long, I wonder what else he is hiding.
You deserve so much better.
> can everyone please not say I don’t have respect for myself …it’s a lot easier said than done
Ending it and blocking a cheater is one of the easiest things to ever do for somebody who has self-respect. Only somebody who has no self-respect would ever even consider staying with a partner who cheated on them.
He’s young and curious. Immature too.
But, once a cheat, always a cheat. Be prepared to call things off.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand that you need time to proces. You are so young and have only been dating for 1,5 years and he has been seeking attention from other girls right from the start. I think you know what to do, ofc you deserve better than him. Take care!
You cannot ask the Internet for advice and be upset about the responses. That’s the way it goes. You wanted advice? Some of it may not be the advice you want to hear but demanding that we edit our advice to fit your needs shows your immaturity. Leave him and be on the next before you know it!
dump the bum and concentrate your energy on spelling words that exist in the English language. You will get further down the road guaranteed.
r/justbreakupalready
Hmmm lemme think. Break up with him and Lose his contact.
He is a cheating boyfriend. He will not change, just hide hie cheating a little better. You will never fully trust him again. As bad as it hurts, move on.
Really sorry to say this but you should break-up with him, he can say he will change but he won’t. I had 2 exes who cheated on me and even after a 2nd chance they still cheated. So take the short pain and dumb him, and if you need someone to talk to, I am here for you.
As someone who was cheated on after 16 years, 11 of those being married. Recently divorced as of about 2 weeks ago after enduring it for 1.5 years after I found out.
That said, I hear you, it is very difficult to just say “see ya” after something like this. You’re going to initially deal with shock, disbelief, betrayal, you won’t feel like yourself, everything and everyone around you feels muted, gray, as if you don’t matter anymore. If you had the same social circles, you may even feel awkward. It almost feels like it becomes your identity because it consumes your every thought.
These are lies and it will pass with time, I promise. I know you don’t want to hear that and you probably don’t even believe that right now, but in time you will see. That is my only advice at this point. Feel free to ask any specific advice you need.
Make him ex and find a new one
I know its a shock and you are still processing it.
Break up with him. He is not going to change. He will do it again.
You’re young. It hurts. We’ve been there. You know he’s been cheating according to your boundaries. You just are in a place where you want it to work but honey you’re too young to tie yourself in knots. A disappointment in love is a gift actual but it takes time for that plant to bloom. Old guy advice: Go no contact for awhile. Get a sense of yourself.
I will give you the advice I wish someone would have given me when my 18 year old boyfriend cheated.
Leave.
If you stay, you are sending a message that he can cheat because you don’t have the self-respect to leave. My ex admitted he cheated again because he already got away with it once and I stayed. He thought I’d never leave his lying, cheating ass.
He was wrong. I left the asshole and have never regretted it.
I’ve seen firsthand that relationships can move past an infidelity, but it’s rare and they were married. You don’t have that commitment… save yourself some emotional trauma and move on with someone who will respect you and your relationship
My parents and grandparents had a saying: Once a cheater, always a cheater. I’ve seen this played out again and again, I’ve never seen an exception.
Oh sure, you might HEAR there are exceptions, but there aren’t. You see, when they get caught, they just get better at hiding it but they don’t stop cheating. You see it’s a type of mindset, and it’s pathological.
One of my brothers cheats on every woman he’s with, and he always has. He talks a good game, and they usually forgive him for a while, until he wears out their patience. His most recent ex-wife filed for divorce when he brought home genital herpes. Don’t be that woman. You’re too young.
Leave him
I know it is not easy to move on. But in time you will have to. The question is, how much hurt are you going to endure for you to decide you need to move on? If he is doing it now, he won’t stop. There are many good guys out there who won’t cheat. Who will adore you. Find one.
He will NOT change. Ever.
In not gonna say youve got no self respect, tbis feels very first relationship or first problem like this, and i dont blame you for wanting to ask others, sone will give more chances others not.
But if hes been talking to other girls, getting nudes, sending them for over a yearwhile ypuve been together,
Then he has no respect or love for you, and this is just what youve actually found
Can you say for sure he hasnt cheated already?
Can you believe him anymore?
Can you trust him?
He cheated = you break up.
Just leave.
honey no. nonono. you’re young, i know you’re scared of being alone and maybe you even feel like you dont deserve better. we’ve been there, many of us. as someone who went through this several times.. the longer you stay the worse it gets.
leave. it’ll be hurtful but it’ll be worth it. he’s nothing special.
Cheat back. Just go buck wild with like 29 guys who are all 50
Break up. He’s not being respectful and sounds too immature for an exclusive relationship.
Dude seems like he’s shopping and atm only wants a gf to have one, it’s your call obviously but you’re 18, this isn’t a romance for the ages, don’t stick around for people from the perspective that “my love can change them”, by all means give people a second chance or 3 if you feel strongly about them and no one’s perfect, but at some point you have to see people for what they are and go somewhere where you can be happy.
Listen. He’s too young to settle down. He’s doing what hulking guys do. Not saying it’s right but it is what it is. Leave him. He’s not the one right now. You won’t leave of course but you’ll wish you had. Good luck.
At any point during this year and a half have you both sat down and openly discussed your boundaries? I am by no means saying that what he’s done is acceptable or should be brushed off in any way but it’s really difficult to expect someone to respect a boundary that they aren’t fully aware of.
I’ll give you an example… my now husband and I both very much so were more comfortable with the opposite sex so most of his friends were female, most of mine male (we were both aware of why, for me I grew up very much a tomboy and so naturally I was around boys then men based on interests and as I grew up they were just who I was more comfortable with… my husband came from a very large extended family who all grew up together and the cousins and aunts near his age he was raised with were all female so again, he related more to females). We were both very open with this and both fine with this and openly agreed that if a friend made the other uncomfortable for any reason, we’d discuss it and set more firm boundaries. About 6 months in, one of his best female friends began asking for money, was attempting to get him to spend pretty much 98% of his time with her and was nonstop calling him even if he had told her we had plans. He realized the first day this friend started this, I was quite uncomfortable with it and he quickly set boundaries with her, she ignored them, then for 3 days straight, she called crying either about issues with her boyfriend or the fact that her cellphone was going to get shut off because she wasn’t going to be able to pay the bill (we aren’t talking a small phone bill, her parents lived in another country and this was years and years ago so we’re talking like a $700 phone bill for the international calls). We had been on our way to dinner, I was pregnant and the car was quiet enough where I could actually hear her. I ultimately snatched the phone and asked her what her issue with boundaries were, she cried saying I would never understand, and I told her that he’s not her personal atm machine and that she needed to stop calling. A mutual friend of hers and my now husband called a couple days later and the friend basically didn’t like that my now husband was no longer an “option” for her as she’d claim to be broken up with her boyfriend and hook up with my now husband (which had stopped before I got with him). When she could no longer use him, he never heard from her again. We discussed boundaries with these friendships, AGREED AND COMPROMISED on what was “friendship” ending and left it at that. We both have lost friends due to the boundaries we set in place.
Questions I have for you:
Did he have the dating app BEFORE you and him were together?
Are you uncomfortable with the fact that he complimented someone at all OR is it the fact it was on a dating app? (Taking your post for specifically what you wrote and not adding any personal thoughts to it, telling someone they are gorgeous doesn’t scream “intention to cheat” to me… was there more to the messages that pointed to intention? Are you uncomfortable with him, just in general in life OUTSIDE of a dating app, complimenting another female if the true context is solely just a compliment? If the issue is him complimenting a female at all, then it may be something you need to address within yourself. Not a bad thing, many have been there, myself included, but a compliment in and of itself shouldn’t be considered “intention to cheat”).
What kinds of conversations have the two of you had in regards to what you find as “acceptable” behavior in terms of the opposite sex?
As far as the photos in his phone, are they people he/you both know? Are they downloaded from social media/website? Have you discussed digital and electronic expectations regarding consuming nude/provocative/explicit material? (Full transparency, digital images and video are not my thing, I don’t care if he watches or views it as long as he respects it’s not my thing… that said, if you haven’t had a conversation BEFORE finding these and AGREED that he can’t view them, it’s not ok to consider that as him being unfaithful as HE wouldn’t see it that way… on that same topic, every last person has their kinks and even in a marriage, it’s not always going to be that both parties agree to the kinks so one party may have to “go without” that… but that needs to be a conversation and an agreement reached and it’s ok to be uncomfortable with it and then saying you don’t want to participate AND STILL being ok with him viewing those types of things even if part of that agreement ends up being like “as long as you don’t know them” or whatever)
How your post is written (and I’m taking it at face value), it sounds like a lot of these things were never discussed or boundaries agreed upon and because of how you view these things, you expect he have the same view. You DO NOT have to agree to things you’re not comfortable with, at the same time, these also may be things he’s not ok with giving up (now the dating site has to go if you’re in a relationship, I mean more so the complimenting in and of itself) so based on discussions you’ll have to decide what you are ok with and if he’s not willing to give in are you then willing to stay… but it can’t be an all your way any more than it can be all his way (because it does seem like you both view these things quite differently).
And again in regards to the compliment, if there was more to the messages and they seemed flirty (but nothing was outright wrong… no asking the out, no asking to hook up etc), some people are just not aware that they flirt so try to be a little understanding when you talk with him (I am very flirtatious. My husband knows that… I flirt with any man or woman, I am aware that’s my personality but often times, I’m not aware in the moment I’m doing that!).
Get another one
Definitely leave
It isn’t easier said than done. You know what to do.
Trust me. My ex cheated after 25 years of a really great marriage. Still ended it.
You will be sick with stress and lack of trust if you stay. Cheaters never change.
Do what you know you should and have a great life.