Me (f25) and my boyfriend (m26) have been seeing each other for almost 3 months and officially dating for a week.
I know this is a short amount of time to show concern about this but I have been in toxic and unfulfilling relationships in the past and want to go about things in the right way.
He doesn’t really ask about my interests or hobbies and he doesn’t ask me questions about myself.
I’m not expecting him to partake in my hobbies, were totally different people and that’s okay but when it comes to his hobbies and interests, I actually make an effort to participate.
He is really interested in sport whereas I’m not but he has invited me over to watch games, wear his teams shirts and I actually get invested as much as I can.
I am curious about the music and movies he likes and what games he likes to play.
However, he doesn’t seem to return the favour.
I seem to be telling him things rather than having him ask me and me answering.
Just earlier I asked him what his favourite animal was but he didn’t ask me about mine.
We know a lot about each other in terms of our past and mental health issues, I am fully aware he has also been in toxic relationships and struggles immensely with his mental health and self esteem, it is clear to me he has trust issues and I know he is trying his best with me and our relationship.
Is this him being scared to get more invested in our relationship? Does he not want to get attached because he thinks everything will go sour? I am not upset at this, rather I have empathy because I know how terrifying it is to be vulnerable with someone after being burnt so many times while also not thinking very highly of yourself.
I promised him that I would stick by him and work through everything that came our way because thats what a healthy and loving relationship is – I do not intend to give up at the slightest sign of difficulty.
Do I give it time or should I have a conversation with him about this? and if I do talk to him about it, how can I approach it without seeming accusatory or like I’m scolding him?
TL;DR my boyfriend doesn’t ask about me and I’m not sure how to talk to him about it
Comments
Why would you commit to someone who doesn’t care about you ?
It doesn’t seem that he’s very interested in you and what you care about. You are putting in the effort to share his interests, what is he doing?
>seeing each other for almost 3 months and officially dating for a week.
>I promised him that I would stick by him and work through everything that came our way because thats what a healthy and loving relationship is – I do not intend to give up at the slightest sign of difficulty.
That’s wild. You make that kind of promise when you’re getting married, not to someone you’ve been “officially dating” a week.
That’s not how relationships work at all. The “seeing each other” but not “dating” is a distinction without a difference. And you’re putting the cart before the horse by committing to not giving up on a budding relationship without determining whether this person or this relationship is right for you.
This early stage of a relationship is where you assess compatibility and whether someone is a suitable partner. It’s not where you commit to staying together no matter what and overlook pretty significant issues.