Last night my (19F) boyfriend (20M) ended our relationship. Everything was great; we were laughing and smiling and went to the movies. Once we got home, he decided to drink and got drunk. Well, that is when he told me he felt like he did so much that I didn’t even do enough for him. I was shocked. I have done so much for him that I decided to not take medication because he said if I take a new antidepressant, he will break up with me because I will lose interest in sex. I’ve been by his side, especially when he pushed me away and did not communicate; I still stayed hoping he could tell me about his feelings when he wasn’t drunk. I just felt I wasn’t doing enough for him because he always told me he wanted to die, and it hurt me because I am not sure what to do anymore. I feel like I’m not the right person for him. Well, he said he has done so much for me by spending money to make me happy. I have told him I don’t need him to spend money to make me happy. He feels like getting me things makes me happy. I have told him spending time with him makes me happy; I don’t care about the money. I don’t mind if we stay home because I like being with him. He believes sex is love, but I told him we don’t need to have sex all the time because what matters the most is that we love each other. Especially when he told me he will break up with me if I take a new antidepressant and lose sex interest, what matters the most is that I am able to love him. Especially when I don’t want to sleep with him, he doesn’t want to cuddle; he just pushes me away, goes on his phone, and ignores me. He wouldn’t change for me; he won’t try to tell me how he feels when he’s sober and changed. It’s just not fair. Well when i got home i just cried awfully and my dad hugged me. I told him everything that had happened, and since my dad drinks alcohol, he told me, If you were with him for 3 months and he doesn’t trust you enough to tell you how he feels when he’s sober, then that’s not good or fair. Even if you are patient and comforting him, it’s just not okay; he can only communicate through drinking. You need to put your foot down because you’ll be draining yourself. Well I cried awfully and my dad bought me tacos. It did hurt him to see me cry over a boy…
UPDATE:
Hi everyone, I would like to say thank you so much; I honestly appreciate it you guys are so sweet. I’m still sad because we were together for almost a year, but I do know that I deserve better. I have been disrespected by him a lot, but for now, I would like to heal. By the way I’m still on antidepressants. My psychiatrist wanted me to take a new one, which was Paxil. When I told my ex about it, I might lose interest in sex. I was hoping he would be okay as long as I love him and am able to give him attention, then that’s fine. Oh gosh, when he said we might as well break up because sex is important, I should’ve said, “Yeah, we should,” but gosh, I told him I wouldn’t take it, and he said good. During our relationship, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough because he always felt like dying, and I just felt I wasn’t the right person for him. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he goes on his phone and ignores me—no cuddling or anything, just ignores me. If I go on my phone, he just sends me home. Literally, he’s always on his phone, and I would tell him to put his phone away because I want to talk. As I said, if I go on my phone, it is a BIG PROBLEM for him.
Comments
Sounds like he did you a favor by showing his true colors and leaving. You’re young. Find someone who isn’t a sex obsessed drunk who wants your mental health to suffer so he can use your body to get off.
Seems to him that sex is more important to him than your mental health. He had you not take your antidepressants bc he says it’d make you not wanna have sex?? I’ve been in those situations before with more than 1 ex. Good riddance to that man- actually no not a man- a boy. Bc that’s how he seems to act when he doesn’t get sex.
Also had an ex who was a very bad alcoholic. He cheated on me multiple multiple times.
Girl you deserve way more than that. He’s literally using your body to please himself while letting you sacrifice your mental health for it. He’s not there for you, he doesn’t appreciate your time and he can’t even be open with you.
You might hurt for a few more days but you will move on from this. This guy is an ass!! They is so many better people out there that will love you exactly how you need to be loved.
If a relationship is draining and causing emotional distress then it’s not healthy.
That boy did you a favor. He doesn’t actually care how you feel about anything, and only thinks of his wants. Find a boyfriend who wants the best for you, and will put your health above his desire/ego.
Re read your post as if your best friend or stranger wrote it..and your opinion of what you think you’re losing will dissipate.
Your loving him is valuable. It’s not valuable to him. Do not squander your resources and invest time and energy in a black hole of a person.
He did you a favor. He sounds just awful.
Guaranteed he will come crawling back soon. Please say no.
He may have an alcohol addiction. And if thats the case, its better to let him deal with it. Youre too young to be entangled in something this messy.
I know it feels like your life is over but it isn’t. It’s just beginning. TRUST ME. As a 35 year old woman I am telling you he will be a memory that you can laugh at as you get older.
Young lady,
Please listen to an old man. This guy just saved you from wasting years of your life being heartbroken. He has done you a favor. Anyone who would try to control your medications solely for their own convenience, is someone who will control every aspect of your life, solely for their own convenience. Let him walk.
What would you tell your bestie or your future daughter if they came to you and shared this story? Do that.
you were just sex to him. an accessory meant to serve him.
he did you a favor. now you are free to explore
It sounds like the “more” is female-coded labor like cooking and cleaning.
If you aren’t conservative, you’ve dodged the hugest bullet
Your dad seems like a pretty good man- plus Tacos!
Girl you set your mental health aside for someone’s dusty son… stop it
He saved your life when he dumped you. Run!
He doesn’t want you to take medication that you need because him having sex is more important than you or your health.
Really think about that. He doesn’t care or respect you.
This is not a healthy relationship. Please leave him.
You don’t have a boyfriend, you have addiction. And, all addictions slowly destroy your life by forcing everything out that is between you and it. Just you and the source of the addiction
In this case, he is your addiction.