So warning this is gay. I am 21M and my boyfriend is 21M. We met when we were 15 I was open and out and he was closeted. Any of my fellow gays know how that probably went. Eventually we are at a point now that we are both out, he is bisexual and I am gay and are highschool sweethearts.
So here is the situation for today. My boyfriend has an internship across the country at a national park. A girl that we both don’t know very well and I’d say we aren’t close friends with flew to see him. I asked him is she came to see the park or came for him. He said the former. They ended up spending the weekend together doing trails, horseback riding, and sunset watching whilst staying up late and drinking. He completely forgot that this weekend was also our anniversary…
Prior I had asked him to avoid staying up late and drinking(he needs a lot to get drunk) because it makes me uncomfortable. He ended up getting angry saying he did nothing wrong. He said they’re just friends. Which I was skeptical at first but now I’m just upset.
We had called one of the nights and he was drunk and didn’t make sense. At first he said she didn’t drink, then he said she had a white claw, and finally he said she had some of his drink. Til 1am.
For some context,I am a very insecure person. We had broken up once in the past very abruptly at the start of college because he had never been with a girl and he wanted to “try” it. We ended up getting back together a year later.
In the end we are both in a weird spot and we don’t trust each other anymore. What should I do. He says he plans to spend his life with me and marry me but I feel unseen and unheard and disrespected. And he still doesn’t know about our anniversary that he spent with another girl.
Do I want to be with someone who disregards how I feel? I’ll be honest I got toxic too, I have mental health issues but I feel valid that they shouldn’t drink and stay up late together. After so many drinks.
If you’re confused ask questions and I’ll be sure to give info. I just need advice.
TL;DR,
A girl flew to see my temporary long distance boyfriend that he isn’t friends with and ended up spending the weekend together. It was our anniversary weekend.
Comments
2 things:
Firstly, it’s quite controlling to ask him to not stay up late and to not drink as a 21 year old. These are the years you’re meant to stay up late and to party. You’re allowed to want somebody who doesn’t do these things but he is allowed to want to do these things. How you respond to that is solely on you.
Secondly, this is a long distance thing at the moment, yes? Did you make any firm plans for a visit or a call or anything for your anniversary? It’s not great that he forgot but did you communicate your expectations with him prior?
It sounds like you’ve just grown apart and truthfully, I think it’s time to consider what you really want and if he fits into the lifestyle that you envision for yourself as he is, not as you want him to be.
Yikes…this is something. If you guys dont trust each other- I feel the relationship is finished. Maybe you guys need a deep talk about what you want.
He says he plans to spend his life with you but he hid the fact a girl was flying to see him on your anniversary weekend? When words don’t align with actions that’s a problem.
Yes you were spewing your insecurities at him BUT I see where they’re coming from regarding how he has acted in the past.
I’m sorry I think your boyfriend isn’t ready to settle down yet. And I think he’s banking on you putting up with his behaviours because you’ve been together so long. I’m not saying you guys won’t end up together but I’m not sure if your time is right now.
Be open and honest with each other. But never beg someone to respect you.