My boyfriend (23 male at time) & I (23 female at time) were dating for 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. I had just graduated college & started my new career. While he had one year left. I had always wanted to be a mother & knew if it wasn’t the best timing things would work themselves out. I also didn’t believe in abortions for myself. Like to preference that I do believe in abortions as a women’s right. But for me I knew if I had every got pregnant by “mistake” the child itself is so mistake & would be loved unconditionally. I also felt finically things would be okay as we could get by with my salary that was over $100,000 a year after taxes.
My boyfriend felt different. At times he felt an abortion would be best as our relationship was new & we had both come from divorced parents & he did not want his children to have to face the same. He also felt in order to properly provide he would need to drop out of college and us marry so a child is not born put of wedlock. I assured him that my family would help us finically if times got tough as my mom makes over $500,000 a year. I also told him that we didn’t need to get married, I told him if it came down to it we could be good parents and co parent. I wouldn’t make him pay child support as long as he was involved in the child’s life. I had told my family, my friends, and picked a name out . I had already started planning baby shower, newborn pictures, and room decorations. He was more hesitant. He felt I was moving too fast & really didn’t like talking about anything baby as he had not accepted it really yet, we also had not told anyone in his family as they were strict Christian’s. I was overjoyed to be a mom.
One day at the hospital I was working out I started having pain & spotting, I thought it was due to the previous day there was a lot of sick patients & 3 people coded and being an active person I felt okay to assist in codes & do rounds of compression. Throughout the shift the spotting & pain got worse. I was able to go down to the ER to get looked at. I had felt I had miscarried due to working too hard. I will never forget crying so hard while trying to keep it together while getting an ultrasound. Thankfully the tech printed a picture for me to keep. As it is the only picture I have and keep it at my bedside in a frame with her name on it. The OB informed me I had a subchorionic hemmorage, these were quite common & I needed to be on strict bedside. Sadly the following day while on bed rest I felt what is still to this day the worst pain in my life. I also was bleeding completely through 2 pads. My boyfriend and I had went to the ER and waited 8 hours to be told we had a miscarriage. This took a lot mentally and physically out of and took a long time for me to heal from.
A couple months later I found out I was pregnant again on my grandma’s birthday who recently had passed away. I felt it was a gift from her 🩷 I had scheduled with Doctor office to get imaging & make sure everything would be okay given my previous miscarriage. The day before my appointment I started bleeding and prayed it was just spotting blood but on the day of the appointment with my boyfriend with me I found out I was having another miscarriage.
My heart was shattered and have had to do a lot things to come to terms with the loss of both babies and come to terms that it was not my fault or my bodies. It’s taken a lot of work to I do usually break down in private when I find out another one of our friends, siblings or cousins are having a baby. I am always happy to their faces & happy to them, just felt like my time was never going to come.
Since then we have moved to a different city together , become heavily involved in each others families & friend groups, have 2 dogs together. Recently went ring shopping & im aware he bought a ring, also we have been pre approved to buy a house for the next chapter of our lives.
A week ago my boyfriend came home from work & i found him crying more/harder than I have ever seen him. I instantly thought one of his family members or friends had passed away or was seriously injured. He told me there was something he needed to tell me before he proposes, something he needed to get off his chest for a long time. I then thought he was going to tell me he had cheated on me, which would be devastating to me given my last serious relationship I was cheated on and took a long time to not let it effect my relationships with people I dated after. I also had grown to be okay with my current boyfriend going to bars with his group of friends on weekends without me when I was at work because I full heartedly trusted him. What he told me made me wish he had cheated instead as it would be easier to accept . He told me that during my first pregnancy he had given me abortion medication without my knowledge or consent. He went on to explain he was scarred because our relationship was so new (3 months), he expressed it was because financially we were not in a place to give above and beyond care to child. He told me more reasons too much I was so stunned I don’t remember them all. He told me that it is the biggest regret he has and hated himself everyday for it.
Since then I’ve been reliving the hurt & pain but in a different perspective. How I had to lay in a hospital bed in so much pain with drug addicts screaming in the beds next to me all by myself because he was out of town at the time and my family lived too far away to be there. I am thinking about all his actions following the miscarriage. How everyone would break down and cry & say how my body failed me, failed us, failed our child, he would say it wasn’t my fault(which has so much different meaning now). How we don’t us protection for over 2 years now and have not got pregnancy since than and how the drugs he gave me could have made me infertile, meaning I will not get to experience pregnancy or being a mom the natural way, have to pay what seems like thousand to be able to be what at one point I was on the brink of getting to be. I also think of how the first time he told me he loved me was after we got back from the emergency room , but what he did doesn’t feel like love, I know it’s been years since then but it’s all so raw and fresh now. All I’ve ever wanted to be was a mom, to love a child unconditionally. I know there is adoption and foster care, before him telling me what he did I had come to terms those may be the options I had, but now I feel my motherhood was robbed from me.
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Backup of the post’s body: My boyfriend (23 male at time) & I (23 female at time) were dating for 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. I had just graduated college & started my new career. While he had one year left. I had always wanted to be a mother & knew if it wasn’t the best timing things would work themselves out. I also didn’t believe in abortions for myself. Like to preference that I do believe in abortions as a women’s right. But for me I knew if I had every got pregnant by “mistake” the child itself is so mistake & would be loved unconditionally. I also felt finically things would be okay as we could get by with my salary that was over $100,000 a year after taxes.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Oh honey, I’m sorry you’ve gone through all of that
As a small glimmer of hope though, chemical abortions don’t usually effect fertility rates. Plenty of time to have a child with someone who isn’t a complete psychopath
This man should be your ex boyfriend. You are not going to be able to work through this or raise a baby without the relationship being full of resentment.
Do not have sex with him, get on contraception, get checked out by a professional and when you are safe, report him to the police.
Hey so that’s illegal
Jesus
Please do not marry that man
This is a very scary relationship. I would never be able to trust him enough to marry him
What the fuck?
Where did he even get ‘abortion pills’? Those are not over the counter and are not prescribed to men. And you’re in doubt in what to do with this relationship?
Break up with him holy shit.
This is straight out of nightmare. OP, I am so incredibly sorry he did that to you. He not only violated your trust, but he took your child away from you. He killed your baby. Let that sink in.
I would never in a million years trust that man again. You need to get out of that relationship and get into therapy. There’s so much to unpack here.
My god, do you realise he committed a crime? What about the second baby.
Go to the police. I hope you’re not still with him.
I’m so sorry. I’m actually in shock.
Abortion pills that I’ve taken for a miscarriage but are the same as a medical abortion are taken vaginally. It’s not something you can easily drug someone with. What did he give you?
If this is true, it’s likely a crime. I sort of think it’s not true due to how abortion meds work. But if it is, do not marry someone who illegally drugs and harms you and feels this way about your bodily autonomy and causing you pain. Could have risked your life doing this.
Leave now, that is insane
Are you still with him? How far along was the baby when it happened?
This is something you can’t overlook, it makes me laugh how a grown man can do the deed with no protection but not handle the responsibility, especially the situation here where most parents (including me) would kill to have the financial situation you had back then. He’s a coward plain and simple, that doesn’t go away from someone so please think about that if you want to continue a relationship with this guy.
This isn’t love, that’s for sure.
I’m so sorry, but you should know that had no impact on your fertility. Miscarriages are common and you shouldn’t feel you can’t carry a pregnancy to term, you will very likely be just fine.
Please break up. He crossed a boundary here that is violating your body. What he did is very illegal! And even besides that, this is a level of breaking trust that cannot be won back. I’m sorry he did this to you.
Girl, this man drugged you. He could have killed YOU if those meds reacted in a bad way. What he has done is unforgivable and it makes him very very dangerous.
What he did is likely a criminal offense. Please please please go to the police! This creep doesn’t love or care for you, he doesn’t think of you as completely real. All that sobbing confession crap is just bs. What will he do if you become inconvenient to him? Put arsenic in your coffee?!
What concerns me is he likely had to get the pills from the black market online somehow. It is insanely difficult to get your hands on them. The doctors give women them directly in two parts and it causes horrible pain. The doctors would have told you that was the reason you lost the baby because they can check stuff like that.
He doesn’t know if what he was giving you was safe. He could have killed you. Do not stay with that man. He doesn’t get to take that decision away from you. That was your decision to make
. He is dangerous. Please keep in mind that statistically when a woman is murdered their like a 60% -80% it was their spouse.
Someone who is says they love them, kills them, not some stranger. You should stay away from this guy.
Did he abort both of your pregnancies? Is he drip feeding you before he tells you he did it twice? Is he now only worried because you haven’t gotten pregnant now after drugging you and aborting two pregnancies?
I’d really like to know what exactly he gave you, how he got it & how he got you to take it without your knowledge.
There’s no way it was actual abortion pills…right?
Break up and move on. He poisoned you for his own benefit.
Find someone worthy of your love and worthy enough to be the father of your children. This man is not.
I didn’t have my first child until 36 years old. You’ll find your right person and right time too.
Hear me out… he assaulted you, but he in fact, did you a favor Please move on from this individual! a baby should be planned and agreed-upon by both parties.
Ya you lost me the second religion was involved. Now I’m nauseated. Sky daddy has spoken
What he has done is assault, and he had taken something you can never get back. So any emotions you feel right now are more than valid. I would definitely consult with law enforcement and lawyers to see what can be done. I am sorry this happened to you and that definitely is not okay. I hope you take some time to reevaluate the relationship, and do what is best for you. If you can call family and get some support I would also recommend that. Maybe go visit family or friends and get some support. This is a difficult situation and I hope things get better for you.
REPORT HIM TO THE POLICE.
DUMP HIM.
Um, I seriously think you should go to the police with this. Get what evidence you can and report him because fuck.
Honestly, all the bollocks about women having abortions willy-nilly and then you get nut jobs like this! Where did he even get it, anyway?
Omg! I am so sorry that you have went through this. Reading this was heartbreaking. What your boyfriend did was the ultimate betrayal and at the cost of you probably never be able to conceive children naturally. All I can say is that I wish you all the best that this life have to offer.
How did he even get the pills? To leave you thinking it was your fault? Nope deal breaker.
Please go see a fertility specialist and get checked out. You’ve been on No Birth Control for 2 years and still haven’t gotten pregnant I’d be scared too. Those drugs shouldn’t affect fertility but it doesn’t mean they can’t. He gave you them twice in a few short months. Also it depends what the drugs were and where he got them!
Please rethink this relationship or seek couples counselling
Tell someone close to you that you trust. Do not go through this alone.
He’s a POS you gave him an out! He should have taken it the first time
This is a nightmare, I’m so sorry. Please think about what he did to you before considering marrying him. It was cruel, calculated and criminal. You will always resent and feel betrayed by him. Get on birth control and move on with your life without this guy.
Rage bait. Finically? Makes $100k? Mmhmm
I’m so sorry for your loss and the situation you’re in.
How sure are you that this wasn’t the only time that psychopath slipped you those pills?
And he didn’t want kids yet, but was ok not using protection? I’m thinking if you did get pregnant again, he’d ‘ve just bought more pills…