Edit: Added more information after trying to talk to him about it.
TL;DR My boyfriend (21M) and I (20F) have been dating for 2 years, and have lived together since March. He lost his job, leaving me to pay for everything. I told him to power off his PC and the TV when he’s not using them, and he got angry.
I (20F) have lived with my boyfriend (21M) since mid to late March. Before moving in, I had visited him to stay for a week or so. During my visit, he repeatedly told me to power off his PC when I wasn’t using it. Fast forward to when I moved in. At first, I couldn’t find a job, so we lived off his income. About a month later, he lost his job and I started working at Walmart. Since I became the sole income provider, he constantly leaves his computer on when he’s not using it as well as the TV.
About 20 minutes ago, we were lying in bed and he was watching a movie. He turned to face the wall and watch Instagram Reels on his phone, so I asked him to turn off the TV. He asked me why, and I told him that if he isn’t using something to turn it off. We live paycheck to paycheck, every last penny we have goes to bills, and some weeks we’ve had to borrow money from his friend for groceries because we couldn’t afford them. I explained to him that leaving things on when not in use needlessly increases our power bill. He brushed it off and said it doesn’t really make a difference. In my mind, when you hardly have money to survive, any difference matters. He shut off the TV and I asked him to turn off his computer as it was also still on. He got upset, got out of bed, shoved his chair across the room, and powered off the computer.
I feel like there was really no need to get so upset, but maybe I’m just not thinking from his perspective. Am I in the wrong?
Edit: I tried to talk to him about it. He told me he wasn’t angry, that I was instigating, and that I was acting “schizo” for, in his words, “convincing myself that there was a problem when there just wasn’t.” He also tried to tell me that he did not tell me to turn off the computer when I came to visit before moving in. He also said, “I didn’t do this to you when you didn’t have a job.”
Comments
It’s reasonable to ask him of this, and to expect him to handle his own big boy feels without slamming, throwing or pushing objects.
He may be right that the impact on your power bill is minimal; however, it’s still fair to ask him to accommodate your very real and valid anxiety about your current money situation, with this kind of considerate habit.
The real problem here isn’t the power bill. It’s the hypocrisy he showed when he was anxious about the power bill, versus when you are the one anxious, and the fact that shoving or slamming furniture isn’t acceptable behaviour. A person who think it’s okay to hit or throw objects when angry, is always a hairs breath away from throwing things at people, or hitting people. It is not acceptable behaviour from adults.
You’re young. Nta. You can do better
It doesn’t really matter how much you are or aren’t saving by doing these things- you are the only one paying bills right now so you get to decide what money-saving procedures get done, plus when you were staying with him he asked you to turn off the PC… he’s immature and I’m not sure why you’re with him.
Tell him he can at least flip burgers and pay for the electricity bill.