My partner and I have been together for 2 years. We live together in my apartment. I love my boyfriend he is a very good man with what I know is a kind heart, he just doesn’t show it to me. He has become increasingly abusive towards me, he says I deserve it because I trigger him. He confesses that his ego will never allow for a woman to raise her voice at him, no matter what he is saying to her. He constantly criticises me for every thing I do not matter how small. He has a problem with me being on my phone, I’m only speaking to my mum but he hates this and says I’m secretive, he says my sex drive is too low we should be having minimum twice per day. He has told me he will cheat on me if I don’t meet his expectations. He says there is nothing good about me and always puts me down. I am depressed. His parents are staying with us and they have seen how angry he is and said he never used to be this way so naturally, I get the blame.
Last night he sat for 3 hours telling them all the bad things I had said or done in our relationship, which is normally things said out of frustration for him picking on everything I do. His parents love me and supported me but he wouldn’t stop it’s almost as if he will not stop until they despise me. He told them it’s my fault he has hit me and broken all my furniture, it’s my fault he can’t find a job because I don’t give him peace of mind. At no point does anyone ask how I feel, where is my peace of mind when the man who is meant to protect me is so quick to put me down and tell me he will cheat on me if I don’t sleep with him?! I woke up hating myself this morning. I went to bed and could still hear him telling them things, they don’t know half of the things he has said to me. It just hurts that nobody seems to care for anyone but him because he makes a big show in front of everyone
Comments
Your title: “My boyfriend hates me.”
Your fourth sentence: “I love my boyfriend he is a very good man.”
Do you see the contradiction there?
Not understanding why he is your boyfriend. You must have really low self esteem. You need to leave and work on that.
A great guy with a kind heart would not abuse you. He wears a mask for the rest of the world but shows you his true self.
LOVE DOES NOT HURT!! This man makes you unhappy!
He is a sick, cruel, dangerous individual. Lots of women only get away from men like this in a coffin! Please do not be one of them!
Go to your local domestic violence center. They will give you free information and counseling on what a healthy relationship is, why this is abuse and how to leave safely!
So many women come on here, disregard our advice in the hope it will get better, especially if they (foolishly) have a baby with him. They return in tears because they are now trapped in a dangerous marriage and can’t leave because he controls all the money or they cannot afford to raise a child alone. PLEASE don’t be one of them!
Get away from this man and find one who really loves you!
What I gathered from this post (could be rage bait, who knows) this man is physically and emotionally abusive towards you, destroys all your belongings, forces you into having sex, and his family seems to be fine with everything. Why are you still in a relationship with this dude?
I only got through the first paragraph before I realized you need to get out of that relationship. He’s never going to change. You already said he’s abusive to you. I don’t understand why you’re still there!. He is the reason why your family isn’t pushing for marriage. If I was your brother, no I’m sorry I can’t say that, that’s how I got banned last time…
Reddit does not support violence towards other people even though it may be warranted.
You need to ask yourself if you love yourself. It’s obvious he uses you as a doormat. He is never going to change. Get out now!
Find the door, walk through it, and never look back.
The number one killer of relationships is contempt. When one partner starts to feel contempt for the other, the relationship is already over. There is no coming back from contempt. To have contempt for someone means to hold them in strong disdain or disgust, viewing them as inferior, worthless, or deserving of scorn and lacking any respect for them. From what you describe this is exactly how your partner feels toward you. He constantly disrespects and treats you like your inferior. The only solution is to leave. There is no other option. Counseling won’t even work. You can leave now before it gets worse, or continue to suffer. It seems like an easy solution, but it’s a lot harder when you’re in it. Just know that every single comment here is encouraging you to leave, you deserve better, you deserve someone who values you. There are tons of domestic violence support groups and resources to help you get out. Please reach out or DM if you need any help.
Please leave him and most of all, do not have a child with that man
go live with your family. take your name off of the lease. literally just disappear.
Get the hell away from this guy. He’s toxic
I didn’t even get to the end of your message before I had to tell you you need to get out of this relationship… none of this is your fault… men that say that to you do it to control you and keep you second-guessing yourself so you won’t leave. No-one “deserves” abuse because they said something. In a healthy relationship, your partner listens to you and respects you… if you fight, it does not escalate to physical or emotional abuse… that is not normal and you should not put up with it. I’m guessing you’re young and feel like you can’t leave but you should talk to some-one you trust that could help you… that might be your family, or maybe they wouldn’t be supportive, in which case you should contact a women’s shelter, at least for advice. No-one really knows what goes on behind closed doors, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay there and live with it… I can tell you things will not get better… people that think it’s ok to treat you that way will keep doing it. Get out now before you have kids with this man, and then you’d have to worry about them as well. ABOVE ALL… never feel pressured to sleep with with some-one!! Value yourself… everyone is different and has the right to feel loved and respected, and everyone has different sex drives and if you decide you don’t want to have sex, that’s your choice and he should respect it. If he’s telling you he’s gonna cheat just to get you to sleep with him… he’s the dick, not you!! I would never stay with some-one that said all of that to you… Get out of there while you still can!
I don’t know what trama you experienced in your past that would cause you to love a person that treats you this way.
Run from him.
Seek therapy to work through what has caused you to think so little of yourself and identify healthy relationships.
He doesn’t hate you at all. He loves you a lot because you are actually fulfilling his every wish. This is a very twisted man who needs someone to put down, to feel superior over, brutalize, and fulfill his every physical desire.
There’s no right way to act to make this stop because it is working well for him. If he ever let up on the verbal and physical abuse you would be able to leave him and he’d lose his punching bag.
I doubt having sex twice a day is even sexual for him, he just needs to lord over you and make you do something you don’t want to do. Every time you submit sexually to him he gets to feel extra powerful and that’s what he wants twice a day.
“love my boyfriend he is a very good man with what I know is a kind heart”
Im struggling to see how this is possible after reading all you wrote after this.
Someone with a “kind heart” would never treat you this way.
Please read your post again, this time as if you didn’t write it.
What would you advise them to do?
No your boyfriend is a narcissistic sob. Do some research if you can. He will traumatise you in the end and you will be mentally broken. Please get out and go home to mum. Block all communication with him and get a restraining order. It will only get worse if you stay. So far he has destroyed your self respect, love of yourself an blinded you into believing everything he says is right. LEAVE NOW!!!!
You need to understand that he dosen’t LOVE you, no man will harm the one he loves, also he is not a kind heart, and he is not a good man, good man never try to harm anyone specially their beloved ones, he is constantly showing you from his words and behavior that he dosen’t need you so improve you self steem and leave him
You deserve respect and kindness, please prioritize your safety and well-being.
Your boyfriend is NOT a very good man. You need help to get out of this relationship, this is not good for you and it will never get better. He’s beat you down physically and mentally and you deserve more. Love doesn’t hurt like this. Please find a way out and protect yourself. Get yourself off this lease and leave to somewhere safe asap.
This is not a good man. If he was he wouldn’t say these things, no matter the situation no matter why. Only thing I can say to you is L E A V E him.
You need a new boyfriend
Your boyfriend is an abusive asshole, and dangerous. LEAVE.
The only reason why he is in the relationship is because he enjoys abusing you and as long as you let him he will stay in the relationship.Get the hell out of there. You are doing as much damage to yourself by staying in that relationship and justifying his actions as he is damaging you mentally, emotionally, and physically.
He needs a therapist and so do you. So many contradictions my head is spinning.
You are manipulated by a narcissist and that’s why you included nothing but how horrible and awful he is and how horrible he makes you feel but that you love him and he’s great so ppl get that as the first impression. But he is awful and no one, no one at all no matter what u do, this is not deserved ever. You deserve better.
He’s put u down so low you don’t even see it
He’s a huge piece of 💩
Get away while you can. You don’t love him. You’re becoming dependent on him because he has control. He’s making you feel worthless so he can treat you like crap.
He’s a narcissistic sociopath. Please get away and be safe. It sounds like your family would support you but they’re trying not to intervene until either you call for help or they start seeing bruises.
Our daughter lived with this manipulation for over 3 years. She’d always defend him and make excuses when we questioned things.
We got the desperate call just in time. She and our two grandkids are safe now because she finally recognised the abuse that she was suffering.
You are not alone.
Don’t be dense, save yourself. He’s telling you who he is with words even, you should listen and believe him. Run.
I am so almighty sick of posts that begin, “my SO is a great guy” immediately followed by all the reasons that she is living with a monster.
Run
Run for your life! (literally)
Sounds like this might be your place since he broke all your furniture. Not sure why you haven’t kicked this ass hat, manchild toddler to the curb before now.
This guy is dangerous… His anger spikes, he hits you, he breaks things. Change the locks, pack up his stuff and his parents stuff, alert the police, and get a restraining order. Get friends to help you get this done in a short window of time.
Please protect yourself. Time to surround yourself with people who love you and care about you.
Any time you describe your relatioship as abusive, it is time to get out. That’s the case here.
Things will not improve in this relationship. Save yourself.
I would be out of there already 😀
Try breaking up, give eachother some space
Give him time to develop tolerance to frustration
If you both feel like life isn’t good without eachother….
Then you’ll get back toghether BUT hopefully under a framework of mutual respect 😊
“ He told them it’s my fault he has hit me and broken all my furniture, it’s my fault he can’t find a job because I don’t give him peace of mind.” ~OP it’s time to go. Pack up your things and move out. This person doesn’t respect you or your boundaries, they are in fact using and abusing you. You may want to ask yourself why did I choose this person to be in a long term relationship with you. ~If you walk away now you will be saving yourself much time and grief✨
This Account is 2 hours old, I guess that explains it
What culture are you from? Smells like India to me. If that’s the case, your boyfriend might be unconsciously frustrated over that he didn’t really have a choice in being your partner, and is now taking it out on you.
You need to get the hell up, get your shit and walk out. Don’t ever talk to him again. He’s going to tell you, you can’t do better than him. Bullshit you can do a hell of a lot better than someone pushing blame on you. I know you love him but get over it. One day he’s gonna go to far and seriously hurt you. His father should have yelled at him like a dog and possibly worse.
I stopped reading when the abuse was being detailed.
Question: Why are you still with this POS? You do know that you deserve better, right?
Don’t let him become any more abusive and make him an ex. Your boyfriend is NOT a good man. He does NOT have a kind heart. You just want him to so that you can pretend everything is a fairy tale. Reread what you wrote and ask yourself if this sounds like a decent person.
Please leave. He’s not going to magically change. He doesn’t care about you, he only likes what you can do for him. He has no respect for you. HE HAS HIT YOU. HE HAS BROKEN YOUR FURNITURE.
Make an exit plan and see a counselor. Get out before he hurts you more seriously, or worse.
HELLO HOW ARE YOU
I NEED GILR FRIEND
This is insane to read there’s zero evidence of him being a good man in here.
Oh sweetheart. Bless your heart. He can’t be a good man and abusive at the same time. That is not possible. Good men do not have big egos like that and abuse their partners. Leave. If you have any dignity you will find a safe place and leave him.
Buh bye boy
“He has become increasingly abusive towards me, he says I deserve it”
OP, there’s nothing to be done about this but leave. This isn’t something you can make him change, it’s only something you can escape from.