Hey so I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for like a year and a half and things are mostly really good. He’s sweet, we laugh a lot, he remembers small things I say and surprises me sometimes with snacks I like or flowers and all that. I honestly do love him and we’ve even talked about maybe moving in together in the next year or so.
But there’s this one thing that just makes no sense to me and I can’t tell if I’m being dramatic or if it’s a legit problem?? Basically he hates that I play video games. Like not in a jokey teasing way, but he gets annoyed about it, makes little passive comments, sometimes full on sulks or acts distant.
I don’t even play that much tbh. I have a full time job and I don’t just sit on my ass all day or ignore him when we’re together. I might play an hour or two after work a few times a week, usually single player stuff like Stardew or cozy games, sometimes some Fortnite or Baldur’s Gate on weekends. And it’s not even every day??
He doesn’t game himself and says he just doesn’t get the appeal, which is fine, like you don’t have to love everything I love obviously. But it feels like he thinks it’s childish or a waste of time, even tho he’ll sit and watch football for hours or scroll on his phone on TikTok or whatever.
I’ve tried talking to him about it and he just goes “I just think it’s weird you’d rather do that than spend time with me” which is not true!!! We spend plenty of time together. I just want some time for me, to decompress and chill after work. It makes me feel guilty and like I have to hide when I’m gaming or rush off when he messages me.
It’s starting to really bug me, and I’m not sure if I should keep pushing this convo or if it’s even worth it. Like is this just a difference in hobbies or is it a respect thing?? Has anyone else dealt with this and how did you handle it?? I don’t want to break up over something so small but it’s also making me feel kinda…bad about something that used to bring me joy.
Any advice would be really appreciated 🙏
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Honestly, it’s a red flag when someone tries to shame you for having a harmless hobby, especially one that helps you recharge. If he can binge sports or scroll TikTok guilt free, then your gaming time deserves the same respect. This might be more about control than confusion.
Everyone needs their alone time. Tell him that. He scrolls in his phone and watches football and you don’t bother him about that. You’re just replenishing your energy
Relationships thrive on individuality. He should understand that.
I’m 47. Been playing video games since I was like little. I think video games are fine. My husband plays with me as well (MCOC is what we play together, then there are other games we like to play separately. Someday I hope to have a bigger house with a dedicated gaming cave.
my point, you 2 do not sound compatible. he sounds like a jerk actually. Drop that loser for a hot nerd like Henry Cavill if you can find one.
I had a husband who was upset when I started playing Pokémon Go in 2016. He hated that I played. He said I would meet someone else and replace him, even though I dont even think people could be friends back then, let alone play together. Ended up that he had cheat on me with over 7 people that I knew of and I divorced him. Protection is real.
>>>>Like is this just a difference in hobbies or is it a respect thing??
It’s a respect thing and a misogynist thing and maybe a red state thing. Is he also Maga?
>>>>>Has anyone else dealt with this and how did you handle it??
Some women marry the guy and when it’s time to change the baby or go out for groceries or do the laundry he decided that’s a woman’s job ( doesn’t matter if you work full time ) and he needs to “go out and decompress with the boys” or “go to the game while you stay home” or “watch more football while you cook and clean after him and his friends” They really get into their own hobbies after a couple of kids. Suddenly he needs lots of time away from the house and the kids and “pressure” and you “nagging”.
>>>>>I don’t want to break up over something so small but it’s also making me feel kinda…bad about something that used to bring me joy.
You are 27 years old. If you don’t know how to navigate the dating world without sacrificing what you enjoy in life then here’s a bit of advice.
The first year of dating is about fun and compatibility. No “sacrifice” or “working things out” or “arguing over and over again”. Do you have to work at a relationship? Yes… but not the first year of dating. If you are working at it, sacrificing yourself, bending again and again, feeling like your dragging dead weight or being gaslit into believing everything you do is wrong…. You are incompatible.
Go ahead and ignore that if you like
Go ahead and make excuses or doubt yourself.
If you wanted to crochet all day or join a dnd league or take weekend trips to free climb boulders, it makes no difference. The person you are with should be supportive from the sidelines, give you the freedom to pursue your interests or if they want, join you. You are doing something that doesnt’ impact your health, doesn’t hurt anyone, gives you joy, and lets you relax.
Are you in a red state?
Doesn’t he have hobbies he does without you? There has to be something he does solo or with other people who enjoy the hobby he has. Video games and gaming is your hobby. I love it too. My husband doesn’t play that much, and we rarely play games together. But he has his things he does without me too. We also have hobbies we do together.
There are plenty of guys that would love a GF that is into video games…find one
Ugh no disrespect, but it is so annoying for any man who’s primary interest is football to have an attitude over any other hobby, I could go on for hours about that. Firm believer that you should never let a man erase your interests just because.
That aside though, that’s just disrespectful to you. Shouldn’t matter what your hobby is, if you like it and you’re not hurting people or letting it take over your life, he should let you be, at the very least, if not be supportive.
I’m not going to say you should break up over it, but you should keep in mind that if he fusses about it now and you can’t find a compromise after a while, chances are it’s only going to get worse with time.
If I were you, I’d call him on it the next time he does and make it a full conversation, and make him do the work to get to the bottom of the issue – don’t let him wiggle out of it with excuses. If he just thinks it’s childish or embarrassing that’s on him & not fair, but it’s also possible he’s blaming “gaming” as a generalization when really he just wants you closer rather than at a desk pc in the corner or something like that which is totally workable. (My bf refuses to switch to PCs over laptops because he wants to be shoulder to shoulder on the couch and anything else is too far apart lol)
Some partners hate when you have something outside of them. It could be anything not just video games.
This kind of behaviour is often associated with abusive tenancies so definitely a red flag.