Me (16f) and my boyfriend (17m) have always had a relationship where we playfully are mean to each other, but more than often he takes it too far and i get hurt but just brush it off. today i was at his house and we were talking when he started one of these banters but he was just saying stuff like “your a bum, jobless, good for nothing whore” and stuff along the lines of that but in a fake raspy joking voice. im not a bum nor jobless, and im not calling him a bum but he is jobless. i went back at him calling him the name of one of my old friends bfs who used to use her for his money and told him to get a job. to that he turns around and smacks me across the face, in response i said thats not okay then just kind of started sobbing and shaking as ive been in situations like this before. he held me and said he didnt mean it like that, and that he was used to being rough with people. me and him do mess around like that from time to time but something about this time was different. what do i do?
My boyfriend hit me but said it “wasnt like that”
r/Advice
Comments
He hit you. That’s not a joke, it’s abuse. You need to talk to someone you trust and seriously think about leaving, this isn’t safe.
He’s abusive. Not even just for hitting you, the “jokingly” calling you thinks like a “good for nothing whore” is also abuse. That’s not a joke.
You need to know this guy has anger issues and very little self control. When he says he didn’t mean it, it’s actually worse. He can’t control it. It’s only going to get worse. What you experienced is unacceptable. It’s not normal behavior. It’s a big red flag. There’s being playful and then there’s an impulsive violent slap across your face. Don’t overlook this.
My first boyfriend and I had an argument. He slapped me and had the exact reaction. He did it again not long after. Time to leave. Maybe you shouldn’t be with someone who jokingly insults you and you shouldn’t play along in this either.
Nope, nope, nope. He hit you. Over. Done. It’s time you get a better boyfriend.
Some playful banter and insulting each other is fine, I used to do it with my boyfriend too, I sometimes would call him homophobic slurs just for fun and he would insult me back in a similar way. But this should never get hurtful like it did between you (from the way you described it). And hitting you, even if he did it “jokingly” before is definitely abuse. As soon as you feel like he did it to hurt you and not “jokingly”, you should start to think about leaving.
I’m a married 32 yo female. I been through A LOT. Please trust me when I tell you, get out. Leave. Idk if you live together or not but if you can go home to your parents house, let mom or dad know what happened God forbid he retaliates against you for breaking up with him your parents need to be aware. You may think you love him and you may actually love some parts of him but I am telling you now, he will do it again and the way he “jokes around” talking to you isn’t okay and it’s not okay that you do it back and then he can’t handle it. Also it doesn’t matter if he is used to being rough with people like he should not be used to being rough with women at all period. That is some lame bullshit ass excuse. Trust me Sweet heart there is better. You got plenty of time to find someone. Your young. Go out and enjoy yourself. Finish school. Hang out with your girls. Love your family and parents and stay close to them if possible. Life is weird. And everything I know now I wish I knew when I was literally walking in your shoes. I have been there and I made the wrong choice and let the red flags go time and time again and paid the price every time. PLEASE just be safe. Much love and best of luck 🤞🏼
Yo, there’s playful poking, and then there’s straight up disrespect. I’m gonna break it to ya, sis: you’re clearly worth way more than this nonsense. Never cool to lay hands on someone, and bastardizing ‘roughhousing’ as an excuse? Nah, ain’t flying. Pack it up. No one deserves toxicity. Peace, strength, and love to ya! 💪✌️❤️ Stay safe.
This is abuse disguised as banter. Not the same as banter.
Oh hell no. Leave.
You are being abused.
You need to listen with your EYES.
This isn’t right.
He will probably lie and say everything right if you try to leave.
That’s the point. He doesn’t mean it and will be anything to stay in control.
You have to leave. This is the most important life lesson of your life, that you deserve better, that you are okay being alone, that this man is actively hurting you mentally, spiritually and physically .
Leave
Leave. He hit you, and that is not something that can be brushed off or explained away as “rough play.” When someone who claims to care about you crosses that line and then tries to minimize it, they are showing you exactly what to expect if you stay.
Tell someone you trust, walk away, and do not give him another chance to rewrite what just happened. This is abuse – both verbal and physical. You need to leave
Never tolerate abuse, physical or emotional. Leave the fool
This brings the worst out in both of you.
You can’t see it but from outside it’s obvious.
Get away from each other and find people you are inspired to help and care for.
People die all the time from going down this path.
Believe me im old
Leave. Keep documentation of this event. You can make a police report. Domestic violence isn’t an accident. And reading that you’ve been through similar situations repeatedly is concerning. There’s a window for statute of limitations by state, if you want to press charges in the future. Both your parents and his would likely be horrified to hear this. Its not okay. And it often gets worse.
You NEVER mess around like that! It leads to you being hurt. if this continues you will get hit again and he’ll blame you.
This trait will not change. Peace out now while you still have your pride.
Sometimes, young men do stupid things. I like to set boundaries early in a relationship. We are not buddies or friends. We are partners. Your behavior needs to look like that. Don’t treat each other like you’re both boys or you are his sister. Respect should be a focus when around each other. Just talk to him. Tone down the jokes. Never hit or insult each other. Always show respect and love.
All those previous play fights …weren’t play.
They were boundary tests.
You passed them by continuing to play along and now you are being graduated to the next level of abuse .
Don’t pass anymore of these tests. Get out now while you still can .
This guy hates you. If someone truly wanted to be with you, they wouldn’t physically and verbally abuse you.
No. He’s done. You can’t tolerate this and allow him to gaslight you into believing it’s ok. Ever. Respect yourself enough to walk away now.
Teach people how to treat you, because no one else will.
You need to cut ties like now.
You break up with him.
Don’t waste another minute on him. He’s trash. Break up.
You don’t belong together.
hit once leaveeeeee
he is bad,just leave him
Do yourself a big favor and end this now. He is abusive. How he talks isn’t okay. Hitting you across the face isn’t ok. This wasn’t playful. It’s abuse. Now is when you need to start letting people know what you will and won’t accept.
🚩🚩🚩 walk away and break up. He DID mean it. He got mad and hit you. You’re way too young to stay in a bad relationship with him. It will only get worse if you stay.
A partner should never hit you, and I think these “jokes” are going a bit far.. you mentioned you often get hurt. Doesn’t sound like a healthy partner.
You’re both too young for anything serious. Or for drama like this. Don’t ever put up with someone who treats you poorly. For any reason.
Leave. Run. This isn’t the only time he will hit you.
He’s abusive and gaslighting you.