Hey everyone, this might be long
So basically to keep a long story short, my (f35) ex boyfriend (m34) was a disgusting slob that didn’t wash or do anything to help around the house. He didn’t work for 5 of the 7 years we were together, and he also never once lifted a finger to help me around the house or with our baby. I begged for years for him to help and I always got excuses such as “I don’t know how to” or “my brain just doesn’t work like that”. He also stopped looking after himself and it got to the point where he would go days, sometimes weeks without showering or changing his clothes. He would only shower if he had to go somewhere and meet other people, otherwise I had to put up with the smell of him. He also used to have a problem with porn, and would watch it constantly as soon as I wasn’t home. Over the years I found PLENTY of used, crusty, stuck together socks that he had used to clean up just hidden down the side of the bed (I also had to clean stains off of the side of the bed too). I then found him messaging another girl and that was the last straw, I kicked him out.
Fast forward to today, I have been with my current boyfriend (m33) for about 2 and a half years. Everything was great at first, but he’s slowly slipped and started acting just like my ex did. He doesn’t help me around the house unless I ask, and even then sometimes he doesn’t. He works part time, but I work more and longer hours than him and I will still come home to all the washing up and the house a mess while he just sits on his PC gaming with his friends. He’s put on a lot of weight and doesn’t shower unless he needs to go to work or go out somewhere, so he can go for days without a shower, he also doesn’t change his clothes unless he has a shower, so he will sit sweating in the same pyjama bottoms and underwear for days on end. He says his “brain doesn’t work that way” when I complain about having to ask him to do simple tasks like wash up or have a shower.
A few weeks ago he had left a cup of coffee to go rancid on his desk. I told him “that’s got rancid coffee in it” and he told me he would sort it out, and he moved it onto the floor by the side of his desk. A couple of days ago it was still there so I told him I was going to throw it in the bin because it’s gross, he told me not to because he likes the cup, and he will sort it out. Yesterday while he was at work I decided to tidy up so I put the cup on his desk again as a reminder to sort it. When he came home from work he just moved it onto the floor by the side of his desk again. Even though I had tidied all day and made the room look lovely.
Yesterday was also when I made my “discovery”.
I was putting the clean clothes away. I usually don’t put my boyfriends in his wardrobe because I don’t see why I should have to, so I ask him to do it and they usually end up in a pile on the floor for days. The last time I sorted clothes out and I was going to put them away for him and he quickly went “no! I’ll do it!” And did it himself. So yesterday I thought I would just put them away for him seeing as he is at work, and it would be easier than waiting days for him to do it. When I opened the wardrobe I found one of my towels shoved in the back on top of all his clean clothes. When I pulled it out it was all crusty and stuck together with yellowing stains on it… I knew what it was straight away and was absolutely disgusted. I just threw it back where I’d found it but carried on putting clothes away and also put some of his stuff that he had left out in there so he knew I’d been in there.
When he came home he noticed straight away because he went “oh, have you tidied my stuff up?” And then I heard him quickly look in the wardrobe. Then he started almost love bombing me? Telling me every couple of minutes that he loves me, he doesn’t know why but he just feels like buying me a present. Within an hour he had asked at least 8 times if i loved him and had asked me multiple times if I was in a mood with him, so he was definitely worried that I’d found it. I just haven’t said anything because I don’t even know what to say.
What do I do? It’s completely disgusted me, but I also find it massively disrespectful when he knows my ex used to do horrible stuff like that and that I hated it. I have even spoken about what my ex used to do with my boyfriend multiple times and he has always laughed and called my ex disgusting, but now he’s doing the same thing!! I don’t understand why they keep it?? Just put the towel in the wash or use a tissue and throw it away?? Do they enjoy being fucking disgusting pigs? My Christmas decorations are in that wardrobe!
I’m so angry, disappointed, hurt… I don’t even know what to feel. I don’t know what to say because I never thought I would have to ask an adult man to shower, brush his teeth and not leave his crusty cum-rags around. Especially for a second time! It’s completely turned me off, I don’t want him near me, I don’t want him to touch me. It also hurts because he is a very squeamish guy and he doesn’t like “bodily fluids”, so when we get intimate he won’t go down on me and very rarely uses his hands on me because he doesn’t like to “get dirty”, but he won’t shower for days and leaves all his potential children on a towel in the wardrobe?! But won’t touch me because he thinks it’s dirty!!
Please someone tell me what you would do in this situation. I don’t think I want to be with him anymore but I hate confrontation and I would almost feel sorry for him if I brought it up and ended things because I know he will be upset and I don’t like to hurt people. I know that’s stupid, especially when he doesn’t care about hurting me. I just don’t know what to do or what to say, I feel so fed up… Why does this keep happening to me?!