First off I’m not the most sexual person either so it doesn’t bother me… most of the time. But like once a month or every 2 months I will get the normal, human urges (im a woman) and my long distance boyfriend just… doesn’t seem to care? I try to talk dirty a little, he doesn’t engage and just says “oh we can do those things soon”. I ask him for some spicy pics, he just jokes with it. I try to show him my body, he doesn’t really care, just says “nice” and moves on. This bothers me because I don’t feel desired and I don’t wanna have to look at other stuff to relieve myself either. Also, he has absolutely no problems feeling desire for me when we are together and we have an active intimate life so I don’t understand this switch up when we aren’t together. He even told me he relieves himself multiple times a week and not even once has he included me even though I’ve expressed desire multiple times. Anyone else’s partner like this and how did you handle it?
Have a great day everyone.
My boyfriend isn’t into the long distance spicy stuff.
r/Advice
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Long distance doesn’t do it for everyone, and it is such a pale comparison to the real thing.
I think it’s fine, I think everything will sort itself out once both of you are together in person. Just remember that his reactions are not about you, it’s just not his cup of tea. And that’s fine.
OP just got 5000 dm’s 🤣
You should talk to him about how it makes you feel because I think thats a red flag that his energy changes when ur not together – had that with an ex and well he’s my ex for a reason after I went through it for a year even though I would tell him.
Mine is no good at that either. Turns out, he just doesn’t know what to do or how to take selfie that aren’t just standing straight in front of a mirror. Zero creativity, but it also felt too high-pressure when I asked.
I have never taken or sent any spicy pics of myself, and sent them over the internet, nor will I ever. Once you transmit something like that over the internet, there are no take-backs, and that information is out there forever. It could always end up in front of eyes you never intended for. It could be used as blackmail. Let’s say the person who received it, had a virus on their computer, or a shady app on their phone with no security, pictures and/or video could end up on the dark web, or on other computers or servers. If you don’t care then go ahead and send it, but there is always a risk. I don’t blame him at all for not doing what you ask.
It sounds like it just isn’t his thing. It’s very much not mine either, so I get it. I’m obviously not speaking for him, but for me it’s not sexy, it’s just cringey, which is a huge turnoff. His dislike of that kind of stuff has nothing to with his attraction to you, or his ability to respond when you’re both participating in person and it certainly has nothing to do with his solo excursions. I would just learn to respect his discomfort. If it were the other way around and he was repeatedly asking for sexy pictures when he knew you weren’t feeling it, I bet you wouldn’t feel good about it.
Sometimes sexting/sex calls just aren’t people’s cup of tea, it might not be that he’s not interested but if y’all have had sex in person already then going back to nudes and videos just doesn’t do it anymore. I can’t keep my hands off of my gf when we are together in person but I also don’t see nudes as something that has very much weight compared to the real thing. It’s not that he doesn’t desire you or care about your feelings he probably just doesn’t like doing it, I saw you call him selfish but it would be just as selfish of you to simply get off to him doing something he doesn’t even wanna do. Yall should compromise and find a happy medium rather than trying to have one person be satisfied 🫶
I’m basically just like him so maybe I can give my 2 cents.
First, when it’s typed out in front of you, you are more conscious of what you are saying and it’s sometimes downright embarrassing having your own cringe staring back at you. I viewed it in the same light as erotic roleplays and makes you want to die inside during and after. It could be some levels of shame as well, that he doesn’t want to sound like a simp who is going crazy over pics and is trying to sound like a cool guy or doesn’t feel comfortable typing out certain desires or phrases as they could look bad.
As for him not including you and using self relief, if he’s like me, pics just “don’t” do it. That’s not to say he’s not attracted to you but sometimes during a sesh your brain gets bored easily and looks for more (visually or audio wise which is why videos are so popular). It could also be an element of guilt , that he doesn’t want to feel like he’s using you for his own pleasure or that he just wants to do it and move on with his day, including another person is more effort because then you have to set it up and then once he’s done he needs to help you out as well and that entire process could take a bunch of time. Alternatively he could just manage it himself in 5-10 minutes and be done for the day.
Anyway the fact that it’s not really an issue when you meet up means that he does like you and is more likely in his own head when it comes to dating his phone instead of you, guys in general aren’t very vocal about their feelings and having to put words to them is an extra obstacle and he needs to make sure he’s saying the right thing, not repeating himself too much by just saying you’re cute 15 times in a row and not accidently saying something diabolical that would kill the mood. It’s a lot easier for guys to just use actions instead of words at times and this is one of them.
It depends..is that what matters most to you about the relationship? If not, bring it up do you are still on the same page. But don’t make it about the relationship, remind him you just wanted to share a part of something you enjoy with him, no pressure. Let him know the effort is because you missed him and why it matters to you. That’s what you’ve gotta figure out how to compromise on. And why it matters 🫶 I know it’s difficult, but you got this OP!