My boyfriend (M18) thinks I’m (F18) cheating on him with Jungkook
Before I got into a relationship, I was already a fangirl. I loved k-pop and marvel. And yes, had celebrity crushes like Jungkook and Sebastian Stan. It wasn’t some deep romantic obsession. It was more like admiration, inspiration, or just being part of a fandom that brought me joy and comfort.
But ever since we became a couple, it’s been an issue. He told me that having celebrity crushes while in a relationship is considered cheating. I tried to explain it wasn’t anything serious, just lighthearted and part of who I’ve been long before he came into the picture, but that only led to a massive argument.
Out of respect, I stopped talking about the things I liked. No more fangirl moments, no more sharing new k-pop releases or getting excited over marvel updates. I dimmed that part of myself, hoping it would help.
But it wasn’t enough. He brought up how I still follow these celebrities on social media, how I still own photocard collections, albums, posters, merch. Suddenly, those things were a “problem” too. He said I was emotionally investing in someone else, and somehow it made him feel like I was choosing them over him. He literally told me to choose between him and Jungkook.
And I know it sounds silly, but that really made me doubt everything.
Because I do love my boyfriend. I genuinely care about him, and I’ve tried to reassure him so many times that me and Jungkook will never happen. He’s an idol and way older than me. I admire him for his music and talent, not because I expect some fantasy relationship. But my boyfriend doesn’t seem to believe that.
Now I’m stuck feeling guilty for being sad about giving up something that makes up such a huge part of who I am. I wonder am I being selfish for holding on to these harmless hobbies, or is he’s just deeply insecure and projecting that onto me?
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Dump him. This is insane behavior on his part.
The point of dating is to find someone who you are compatible with. Not to change yourself for someone else.
> am I being selfish for holding on to these harmless hobbies
absolutely not. you’re allowed to have hobbies and shit, same as literally everyone else on the planet.
>is he’s just deeply insecure and projecting that onto me?
it’s this one. he’s being a petulant little boy, and making it your problem. he’s trying to take away things that make you happy because he’s an insecure child. he’s being a controlling dipshit because he’s not grown up enough to manage his feelings like an adult.
it is not your job to teach this little boy how to be an adult, so please don’t waste your time trying. it’s not worth it, and neither is he, not until he does a whole lot of growing up and stops being a jealous toddler.
Celebrity crushes are not cheating by even the loosest definition of cheating. The answer is that he is being insecure, but also consider the effect this is having on you.
He’s basically telling you to give up your hobbies and interests because it is ostensibly in line with infidelity. That is absurd on its face, but also, it’s really controlling. You need to assume this is deliberate, the idea is to get you to give up something you like because he asks, and is using the most absurd pretense to do so. You might ask, “What is the point?” and control is the point. It’s not going to stop with Jungkook and Sebastian Stan, once you give in and show that he can make you give up things you love for him, it will always escalate.
Unfounded accusations of cheating are almost always a red flag. I get you love him and want to support him, but he is not being reasonable and this is a common red flag warning of abusive tendencies to come. To be clear, I am not saying he is an abuser, abuse is patterns of behavior, not singular actions in isolation, but this singular action is a common component, and there may be others that emerge which point to a pattern.
I’m only giving him the benefit of the doubt and not screaming at you to break up because you are both 18, and it is entirely possible he’s just incredibly insecure and has no idea his actions could be a red flag at all. But the effect is, he is changing who you are to be who he wants, and that needs to stop yesterday, and if you want me to continue to give him the benefit of the doubt here, he needs to understand that.
He’s insecure and passing off his insecurities as your fault, rather than control and manage his own feelings.
This is emotional immaturity at best and manipulation at worst, and something that will just get worse over time if he doesn’t work on himself. Very classic scenario for young men
Idol behavior can be really unfamiliar to some people… you can try to bridge the gap to explain it’s a community of people sharing this interest in a person, but it might not be something he can understand. It might come down to deciding whether you want to pursue a relationship with someone who does understand your fangirling (you do you, and you deserve someone who respects and celebrates that basic truth).
Mental, he’s mental, get rid
He is insecure and controlling, but I think he’s allowed to draw a boundary and say your behaviour makes him uncomfortable in the relationship. But I ALSO think you’re allowed to draw a boundary too – you are allowed to keep your hobbies and collectibles and (part of) your identity. Perhaps the two of you are just not compatible here.
Everyone is different and has different boundaries. That’s his (not having celebrity crushes) and urs might be different. Find someone compatible with you. Me and my bf personally don’t have celebrity crushes or lust/like over anyone else but that’s our relationship and our boundaries.
It’s not reasonable to expect your partner to never notice or acknowledge that anyone else in the world is attractive.
This is not cheating. He is insecure and controlling, and I can’t imagine this won’t come out in other ways if you stay with him, if it hasn’t already.
there’s a spectrum. there’s what you’re doing (safe) and then there are outright morons swooning over usher feeding them cherries, or jumping on stage to kiss them. your bf is being super immature.
This boils down to basic incompatibility. If he feels that it crosses a boundary, then it’s not your place to tell him that’s not acceptable. You don’t choose his boundaries, only your own. His boundary is one that is having a demonstrable negative impact on you, and this might be where you draw your boundary- that you cannot be in a relationship with someone who demands that you change your harmless hobbies because of their inability to separate admiration from romantic interest. You two are not compatible. He needs to seek a romantic partner that does not have these interests and does not fangirl in this way, and you need to seek a partner that is not threatened by it. It is not a failing on your part this this relationship sounds like it is no longer sustainable, and it’s ok to acknowledge that love isn’t always enough to maintain a healthy relationship that adds positivity to both of your lives.
You have posts showing that you spent 10+ hours a week having NSFW conversations on Character AI, I’m assuming either with AI Marvel characters or AI K-pop idols. The comments here are all going to defend you, but you have an unhealthy relationship with your fandoms, and if it was simply platonic admiration then you wouldn’t spend 10 hours a week participating in erotic role play with AI Jungkook. Most men would have a problem with that.
this is ridiculous. having a celeb crush is not cheating. you should dump him.
also it’s Jungkook. everyone should have a crush on Jungkook.
I agree its not cheating, but it is juvenile and can be hurtful to talk about them in front of your BF.
You cheater😂
Yes you love him and you care about him…but he doesn’t you.
Ahhhh yes, young love. I cringe at my own history while reading this. Celebrity “fan crushes” are completely normal… as a grown man, me and my lady literally joke about it. Her’s is Ryan Gosling… Im a black/white guy, so its not even like he looks like me LMAO. Mine is at least visually close to how she actually looks… but we joke about it because we’re in our 30s. When I was 18 I probably would’ve been in my feelings too.
Only you can gauge it… if hes acting too nuts, just break it off, but I have to tell you : no 18 year old boy wants to know his girl is fanning over another guy…whether attainable or not.
Good luck
Please grow up