When we first met, me and my boyfriend agreed to lay things on the table, mainly things that will come up at a later date and possibly catch each-other blindsided. I asked if he would prefer not to know, and he said it was the opposite and to feel comfortable he would like to know these things. I dated and slept with his BEST friend when we were in high school, he comes around a lot still. And we talk casually still, so I decided to tell him we had history even though it was probably 12 years ago. He appreciated it and it never really came up again.
Fast forward to recently, we had a conversation in the car about what sex even means to us, and how some people see it as an emotional investment in a person and some people see it as nothing more then an activity, like going on a walk.
Somehow in the lines of this conversation he ‘admitted’ that he slept with his sister’s best friend a couple years ago before we got together in the house I’m in now living with him and sister.
I’ve met his sister’s best friend multiple times… drank with her, am in multiple group chats with her. She comes over all the time, she’s basically a family member. And he never bothered to tell me anything this whole time we’ve been together.
I got so upset. I Instantly felt disgusted by her, not wanting anything to do with her knowing they both knew something I didn’t this whole time.
I KNOW it was before we were together. I KNOW the ‘past is the past’ but it feels like the PAST is being shoved down my throat now.
We got into our first real fight over this, just confused why I had to lay out things from 12 years ago but he couldn’t tell me about this almost a year into us dating.
Comments
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You have every right to be upset. Did he give you a reason why he didn’t mention it?
I think people owe it to their current partners to disclose if any ex’s are still in their life. You did and he didn’t. It’s up to you to decide what this means to you. But yeah, not cool on his part.
As per Reddit rules of relationships, you should kick his ass to the curb.
He may not have mentioned it until it was truly over with her
Everyone thinks the worst of this guy. I can tell in the comments. What if he was just afraid to say? Everyone is always so quick to say kick him to the curb but this redditor hasn’t told us they are being aboosed or anything like that. He slept with someone before the relationship and when the OP admitted to their partner who they slept with, maybe the boyfriend just didn’t feel comfortable saying it? No one can truly know except for the OP and the boyfriend. If you want to hear some REAL advice, I would say talk to him more about this. Don’t just kick someone to the curb that you have an emotional attachment to. That’s cold. It sounds like y’all love each other and you are hurt that he chose to reveal this now instead of during your confession. Don’t throw it away because some incels on Reddit said “ohhh Reddit rules say kick him to the curb” or “maybe he didn’t want to say anything until he was done with that girl” like bruh are y’all living in a mystery romance book? Anyway. Best of luck to you
Oh this is definitely worrisome. You have every right to be upset cause you really laid EVERYTHING on the table for him and he chose not to do the same to you. Although the situation alone is not a good reason for a breakup (personal opinion) it’s 100% up to you how you’ll deal with it. Worth a sincere conversation about how you feel but do not expect much of him and pay attention to his excuses and if he tries to make you feel bad about it or turn around the situation would be a HUUUGE red flag and I would reconsider the relationship (also personal opinion).
Best of luck angel!
Tell his sister #1.
Then take some space to figure out if you are with being in this mess or dip out.
Do you feel disgusted by your bf and want nothing to do with him too or just the girl? Cause he’s the one in a relationship with you and never told you.
Why do you feel disgusted by her? She could have assumed he told you, it would have been super fucked up of her to bring up sleeping with your bf. Your bf is the big issue here he lied and had the chance to tell you and never did he’s the one who kept bringing you around her and never said anything.
“Reciprocity is the key to every relationship!”
When you both agreed to lay things on the table, did you ask him to show you his skeletons, or was it just him wanting to know your past? If you asked or if it was implied, then he lied by omission.
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You can fuck his best friend and still be in direct contact with the dude but he can’t just sleep with this chick once?
Gotta love how some partners just waaait to blow up like this, he probably thought you could never handle knowing without you…. Well doing exactly this.
He was never cheating on you and why would you be disgusted by her? Also she’s not your family or your best friend.
I NEVER talked about ANY relationships before my wife and I were together nor did she. Sure we knew general exes. The past didn’t matter to us and was best where it was left. I guess I see it as this. What possible benefit is in past relationships when your building your future together? Is exposing the past helpful? Or is it the kindling that will burn your relationship possibly forever?
My reaction while reading the title:
Wtf that’s fucked … oh ok, still bad but not as bad
I think you’re angry at the wrong person. Why are you disgusted by her and don’t want to be around her…when he’s the one who omitted the truth? For all you know, he told her that you already knew and were cool with it, so she didn’t think it necessary to bring it up.
Your feelings about this are completely valid, I just think you should talk to this about the guy who agreed to lay it all on the table and then just didn’t, not the girl who slept with him years ago.
It depends on the person. Sometimes sex is like taking a walk in the park, and sometimes it means more. If there are no lingering feelings, you need to step outside yourself and let go and move on
Am I crazy? Why are people saying the boyfriend is in the wrong? This happened years ago, before they got together. Why would you have to disclose everything about your life? For what purpose? Wouldn’t that come across as fucking weird? “Hey btw the girl that lives here? Yeah I fucked her a few years ago.” How does that help even in the slightest? There was no blindsiding here. There was no wrong doing. OP is fragile and needs to either move on or break up if it’s affecting her that much
…wait so you admitted to sleeping with his best friend but got mad when he admitted to sleeping with his sister’s best friend?
Math ain’t mathin.
>I asked if he would prefer not to know, and he said it was the opposite and to feel comfortable he would like to know these things
I notice you didn’t mention if you asked to know or that he keeps that information to himself which is pretty crucial information for this whole thing
Why are you made at her again? What makes you think she didn’t believe your boyfriend (who is the one who should tell you not her) hadn’t told you and she believed you were ok with it?
Put the anger where it’s due & girl it’s not with her.