Please bear with me since this post maybe a little long, but I need to give a little backstory so you all can understand where I am coming from.
My boyfriend ‘M47’ and I ‘F37’ have been dating exactly one year and a month and we both have kids outside of the relationship, her mother is actively involved and my daughter’s dad is nonexistent. Around February we both decided let’s take the kids somewhere over the summer where we can all hang out and have fun and Coco Key Resort became the choice. My boyfriend booked it and we were all set. I said to him and made it very clear that her Mom needs to meet me before any trip because I don’t want anyone feeling anyway or feeling as though I want to take her daughter away without her permission as well, but I was told not to worry and everything would be fine, which still worried me.
So fast forward to now, we met the other day and things couldn’t have gone anymore south. Her first question basically was, why would I book a trip with her daughter and me not even knowing who she was? Then I was asked when did I even book this trip? Then I was told how could I even feel comfortable knowing I am taking someone’s daughter away without even consulting her mother as well, and I was in complete and utter shock when I heard the phrase, “when I booked the trip”.
I said to her how was this trip presented to you because honestly I was not sure how to answer any of those questions because I was not the one who booked, reserved, and did any confirmation on anything, just the reservation on the car and that was it. Apparently I booked this trip for my daughter and myself, invited him and his daughter, and he told her three weeks ago. I was completely caught off guard because I was not expecting to hear any of that, given I had been telling him for months to talk to her about this before it blows up in your face and now I can understand why she was very annoyed and bothered by me because here I am, apparently booking trips and planning trips for her daughter and she doesn’t know me from a hole in the wall.
The only thing I really did say was you and him need to have a conversation regarding that booking together at a later date, I honestly was not sure what to say because prior to this dinner I asked him is there anything I need to know that you may have mentioned to her that I do not know about so that I am not caught off guard with anything and he said no, yet here we are. He made me look like the bad person and crazy in front of his daughter’s mother, as if I would seriously book a trip for someone’s else’s child without the other parents consent. I am not and I mean not like that. He wanted me to go along with his story he concocted, but how do I go along with a story I didn’t even know about. So he is mad and not talking to me at all, saying I didn’t have his back and I am disloyal.
He told me he was going to call his daughter’s mother and cuss her and he would talk to me, “sometime the next day”. We have been together a year and I am completely perplexed as to why he needed to lie about who paid and the time frame this trip was booked. It’s been three days, no call, no text, nothing and honestly I am extremely hurt by this and not sure what to do.
I appreciate it if you made it this far. Please help. 😭
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all too messy with him, dump him and find a better boyfriend.
Why would he need his exes permission to take his daughter on holiday?
He lied to his ex and wanted you to lie too. Now he’s giving you the silent treatment and planning to cuss her out??
He’s a terrible person. Get rid of him.
He’s a stupid shit, the emphasis being on the shit. Dump him. He’s only going to cause you more grief in the future and his reaction when challenged is just ridiculous. Juvenile, in fact.
So he lied to her, lied to you about what he told her. You have no idea why, he didn’t apologise to you, offer an explanation… no… just silent treatment, and he is mad at you somehow?
How does this read to you? Are YOU not mad at him? One thing for sure he is a liar who doesn’t own up to his mistakes and blames them on you…
Do what you wish with this, but this is a huge red flag…
He is showing you who he is, please believe him. He is happy to lie and throw you under the bus. Despite his advanced age, he’s unable to be responsible or having difficult conversations. He is showing you that he does not value you or his ex wife. He values himself only.
Just because he’s active in his child’s life doesn’t mean he isn’t a waste of space. He lied to his ex rather than talk to her about the trip in advance, he lied to you so you would be disadvantaged when meeting his ex. And now he’s sulking because you’re less okay with him lying than he assumed. And somehow, you were still polite enough to tell them to talk to each other rather than dumping him that exact moment for being a liar and a manipulator who’s actively making your life as his partner harder. 10 years older than you and playing, “I heard she said,” mind games like a teenager.
This is a taste of what he’s actually like. He might still be pretending to be a decent guy to you, but he’s dropped the mask with his ex, and this is his real face. You can tell who someone is by how they treat people they don’t have a reason to impress.
Cancel the trip and take some space from him to have a serious think about this relationship.
Think you’re finding out why he’s her ex.
He’s deliberately placing you as the antagonist of the story. I would be wary he keeps doing this to you. Making you the bad guy so he looks innocent.
If you’re going to stupidly continue this relationship, try to have your own open communication with the mum, so he can’t throw you under the bus.
So he fucked up, was found out and is going to verbally abuse his ex because of it?
Come now, he’s showing you who he really is.
Pity you can’t go on the trip with his ex with the kids.
I admire you for thinking of her when you thought she was in the know. Wanting to meet her to assure her you will take good care and not be an evil step mom.
You are good people OP. Your boyfriend however is a bloody arsehole. Boy I bet the ex could share some fucked up stories.
Now that you know he’s a POS how are you going to break up with him? Thank God you don’t live together.
Go on vacation with his ex instead.