Me (38f) and my boyfriend (37m) have been seeing each other for 2 and a half years.
He has a son from a previous relationship and I have 2 girls from mine.
Recently (since the beginning of the year) he’s stopped making an effort to come to mine. He’s been round probably 4 times in 6 months. It always seems to be me travelling to him and making an effort. Cooking him meals and bringing him meals to take to work, taking his dog out so he doesn’t have to etc.
We used to see each other during the week regularly but now he never asks to see me and always seems busy and makes excuses saying he’s tired from work.
When it comes to the weekends we alternate when we have our kids so one weekend with and then the next without. When we do have the kids he always says he’s not doing anything just staying home, and if I say I’m taking mine out he never wants to come with us. We only ever go out together if it’s what he wants to do or on his terms. But then I’ll find out later on that he’s been out and took his kid somewhere but not invited us.
I understand he wants alone time with his son but I don’t know if I should be concerned about the lack of wanting to spend time with me and my kids too.
I never get a say in what we do and it feels one sided a lot of the time.
We would only see each other once every 2 weeks if I didn’t make the effort to go round on the weekend. He seems ok with that.
Today we had a conversation about it because he always says “I’m not going anywhere today but you can come round if you want you don’t need me to invite you”. I told him I know but it would be nice if you actually showed that you wanted to see us. It bothers me how unbothered he is. Like he’s never excited to see us or anything or wants to come to ours. I’ve even took my door key back from him and he hasn’t even noticed.
He’s usually pretty good at messaging but I just don’t feel like you can build a relationship on just texting all the time because it seems like that’s all we do.
I would just like things to be reciprocated sometimes in the effort. I don’t know what to do now.
TL;DR boyfriend unbothered about seeing me
Comments
I know it’s hard to hear but… If he wanted to, he would.
When effort on either side stops , that’s when it’s time to walk away. Just my two cents. It seems like he doesn’t care. When they care, they show it. I promise you.
Sounds like its time for you to stop putting effort into a relationship where you aren’t getting anything back.
Stop doing housework – cooking, dogcare, etc – for him. He’s grown and you arent married.
His apathy is heavily unattractive. I’d have a single conversation about it. But he’s definitely acting like a guy who wants to break up but doesnt have the balls to do it himself so he’s just being bad until you do.