My boyfriend (16m) and I (15f) have been dating for two years, and sexually active for one. I was raped as a child, so I have to take it really slow and be careful. I’m a touchy person, but not sexually. I like to hold hands, hug a lot, rest my head on his shoulder, stuff like that. We don’t penetrate often, usually just oral and hand stuff. I trusted my boyfriend to help me with the emotional side of things, and he usually did.
I’ve been staying with my boyfriend and his parents because my grandparents, who I live with, are out of town for my grandpa’s job as a professor. They’ll be gone for another two weeks.
Last night was my last dance recital of the year. I was showering after, and my boyfriend got in with me. I was fine with it, thought it was romantic and everything, so we started making out. After a while, the water was getting cold and we wanted to keep going, so we moved to his bed. We continued to make out and eventually gave each other head.
After he finished going down on me, he reached into his nightstand for a condom. I told him I didn’t want to have penetrative sex right then, and he said he didn’t care. I was shocked, he’s usually so gentle and kind. I told him no again, and he said that I didn’t deserve for him to wear a condom. He penetrated me, and I tried to resist, but I couldn’t. He didn’t use lube or anything, and it hurt really bad. I was crying and begging for him to get off of me, and he just kept moaning louder so he wouldn’t hear me. He choked me and I almost passed out.
When he was done, he kissed me on the forehead, told me he loved me, and rolled over and went to sleep. I didn’t know what to do, so I called my best friend (16m). He and his boyfriend, who I’m also pretty close with, were on a date and they left to come pick me up. They took me to the ER, and I got a rape kit. I didn’t want to be alone, so my best friend stayed with me the whole time. I had to describe exactly what happened, and answer a bunch of questions about my sex life before. It was awkward, because my best friend and I talk about our sex lives, but we has to go into so much detail. It was really embarrassing to be naked in front of him, but he had a change of clothes in his car and they let me keep as much on as possible. The hospital kept the underwear that I wore there. He held my hand the whole time. I got a scan, as well, to make sure that his choking me didn’t damage my neck or brain.
The hospital called my grandparents, and I talked to them for a long time. They can’t come back early, but I’m staying with my best friend until they do come back. My best friend drove me back to his house and we fell asleep on his couch together. He and I have been watching New Girl and cuddling today. I can’t really trust myself alone right now, because I think I’ll hurt myself.
I genuinely can’t understand why my boyfriend would have done this. He’s always been so kind and caring and gentle. At the hospital, I said no to all of the questions about him abusing me, and I meant it. Our sex life was always very healthy before. Sometimes awkward, but still healthy and loving. It’s cliche, but if we were making love before what happened last night was pure hate.
I have an emergency appointment with my therapist tomorrow. Writing this made me feel a little bit better, so hopefully it’ll help to talk to my therapist. My best friend will be taking me. I feel bad for him, because I know this must be traumatic for him too. This whole thing is just terrible.
Comments
Sorry this happened to you. **Hugs
I hope you or anyone called the police and didn’t just let him sleep peacefully that night.
First off I am deeply sorry hun-
Police report now. Tell his parents or legal guardian, tell your school and let people know. I understand this is very sensitive to you but he’s going to think he’s gonna get away with this.
You need to realize now this man does NOT love you. He saw you as an opportunity to get what he wants.
Just like that, he betrayed every ounce of faith and trust that you ever placed in him. He showed his true colors. He doesn’t deserve you- he deserves to be locked up. Make sure he gets the punishment he deserves.
I hope they gave you antibiotics. Did the results of the kit show any tearing? If so make sure to call the ed and mention you need antibiotics. Unfortunately my friend had a traumatic experience as well to which the doctors didn’t provide medicine for tearing down in the kit results and now many tears later she has trouble conceiving. I know you’re young and not thinking about kids or anything like that but I’m just sharing my little knowledge for the future you
I’m so sorry angel there’s nothing I can say that will help you right now but please understand that you’re not alone and you deserve love and respect and that bastard will get what he deserves eventually you are not overreacting or exaggerating and you are loved in this world by people you haven’t even met yet you deserve to live happily and in the meantime please know your life is worth living and none of this is your fault ❤️
This is hard to swallow, but the person who raped you is the real him. Everything else was a mask. I’m so sorry he did this and I hope his dick falls off
You said no. Full stop. He should have respected that. I’m so sorry you went through this, OP. But this is not the person for you. Please take care of yourself, ask for therapy, even if you can only talk things out with a school counselor. And yes, you need to make a police report. There needs to be a paper trail/record, in case he does this to someone else down the line. Bring your hospital records. This is one of the most violating actions someone can take against you, and it is NOT your fault. You are supposed to have control over your own body, your own boundaries, and this creep disrespected you in a horrible way. He does not love you, else he would have respected your initial refusal for intercourse. Love is respect. There was none of that in this case. Do what you can to cut ties with this boy. Block him everywhere you can, and let the necessary teachers/group leaders know what happened (briefly, don’t have to go into detail) so they can help protect you and maybe shuffle things around so you don’t have to see him or interact with him again. Accept adult help where you can. You don’t need to go through this alone.
I’m so sorry this happened. Your best friend really earns the title of best friend. You’re also so brave.
Don’t go back to him, don’t look back and stay away from him. This is who he is. And he showed you that.
I am so sorry that he did this to you.
I hope the hospital gave you plan B.
If not, you need to get that now.
I am glad you have a good friend.
Please remember you did nothing wrong.
This boy broke your trust.
Also, FYI
choking is the most serious of physical attacks, statistics show that choking is a sign that the violence will escalate. Domestic abuse or attacks that include strangulation are more likely to lead to fatal outcomes.
So police in my country take it extremely seriously.
I’m so sorry. You have great friends.
Dump him. Seriously. You deserve better, and he deserves to get in trouble for what he did
Since everyone has covered the most important topics, I really feel like I want to question what the hell your grandparents are thinking leaving you with your boyfriend for weeks. That’s actually nuts. Profs should know better. Everyone but you, your best friend, and hospital staff acted awfully in this situation!
*EX Boyfriend.
You can’t stay with him after this. You won’t be able to (or shouldn’t) ever trust him after this, no matter what he says.
Tell your friends and the real ones will be on your side I promise this is so horrible I’m so sorry this happened to you. I know it might feel like people will dismiss it since you are dating but this is important. Not only that, you are in danger now. The likelihood that someone will kill you if they choke you goes up 400%. This man is abusive, and was an abuser the moment he laid his hands on you in violence if he has not already. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Get out, stay safe, tell your friends, and go no contact with him. You can find so much better I promise you.
I was also betrayed by a significant other two years into the relationship. One I thought was good before that too. Do not stay thinking it’s a one-off. I do not regret leaving when I had the chance.
Exboyfriend hopefully. He don’t care about you if he forced himself on you.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Please don’t go back to him, he will continue to hurt you. And make a police report so he doesn’t do this to someone else
I’m so sorry that this happened to you Hun, you didn’t deserve that at all. I really hope that you broke up with him because he doesn’t deserve you at all. I’m so glad that you have your best friend there with you.
You need to report what happened to the police and have him charged if you haven’t already. Tell his parents too because they need to know what kind of monster that they raised.
I wish you all the healing in the world 💕
For the love of God, if you have any way to fuck him over back DO NOT let it pass, press charges if you can or do whatever in your power to at the very least, scare him shitless to at least not mess with you, people like him are cowards and when they realize they have consequences, make him face them and absolutely do not hold back.
Sends a message about you and sends a message to him to not even BLINK at you the wrong way. Stay strong, and I’m sorry that this horrible thing happened to you. And just so what I say doesn’t get misconstrued, do not take my advice as getting back to him or getting revenge. It’s about sending a message so he doesn’t escalate the situation. He needs to learn what he did is a heinous crime.
Don’t fall for his manipulations, he’s gonna tell you that he’s sorry, that he didn’t mean it, that he loves you, that he made a mistake, yadda yadda yadda. Don’t fall for it. It’s bullshit and he’s not sorry. He’s sorry for the upcoming consequences, especially because of you guys’ age. He’s absolutely gonna play the victim, so don’t let him, don’t even interact. Don’t feel like you have to justify yourself. The only one who has to justify anything is him to his family and, hopefully, a judge.
Stay strong and keep us updated if you can.
Your boyfriend should be your ex-boyfriend now and he showed his true colors, you deserve much better than a low life like him. You’ll find the right person for you eventually just don’t give up on everyone okay. You’ve got an entire community online that’ll talk to you and help you. You’re not alone girl never forget you’ve got people that’ll rally around you and be your sword and shield.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I know you said the hospital called the police and I need to tell you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not back down. Don’t let anyone bully you into being silent or retracting your statement. I had a very similar situation happen to me when I was 17 and I was too scared to come forward even after finding out I had contracted an STD (thankfully a curable one). I regret it to this day. You have the chance to make sure he can’t do this again and to show people that victims will fight back and put our abusers where they belong. You are so freaking brave for going to the hospital and telling your story. Keep that braveness and don’t let anyone, him , his parents, kids at school, or even the police tell you that you shouldn’t do this or that you will “ruin his life”. He decided to ruin it when he chose to be a piece of garbage. Sending you so much love and positivity 🤍
Has he been arrested yet?
My god, OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you.
You did the right thing by reporting it and going through that terrible process.
You have a great friend. Please know that this internet stranger will be thinking of you.
You’re stronger than you know.
Updateme.
Your grandparents got a call from their 15 year old granddaughter telling them she was just raped and they didn’t immediately leave to come home? I’m sorry but I don’t care how important the work thing is. If it had been my baby, nothing would stop me from getting home ASAP.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you have a good best friend who is there for you.
You’ve done everything right. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but you’ve been so strong and intelligent in the way that you’ve responded to it, and your friend is an absolute saint. It’s good that you felt able to make this post, because I cannot imagine the number of thoughts and feelings and just…
confusion, which must be going through your mind right now, and writing it all out can be incredibly cathartic. I’m so sorry that the person you loved and cared for betrayed you in this way, and I cannot begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now, it must be so incredibly confusing. I hope that your therapist can help you to work through these emotions, and try to make a little more… not sense of it, but to try to come to an understanding of who your boyfriend was, and whether there were any signs of him revealing who he really was that maybe were easily missed at the time, but in retrospect may have been glimpses into the type of person he actually is.
I’m just a stranger on the internet, but I’m sending you so much love and support, and I just want to say that I’m really proud of you, and you should be incredibly proud of yourself. You’ve handled this as best as anyone ever could; you immediately went to someone you trust, you went to the hospital, you did a rape kit, you got through the awful questions and examination, you’ve told your family caretaker (which is a huge struggle for so many people), and you’re staying with a friend who you trust and who has proved themselves in this situation to be absolutely heaven sent.
You’re so incredibly young as well, and given how horrible this attack was, both in the attack itself and in it’s confusing nature, it’s just genuinely impressive that you reacted the way that you have.
Please stay close to your friend, to your family, and to people who love you, while you’re going through this. It’s good that you’re seeing your therapist. It’s possible that at some point you may want to get in touch with a rape crisis centre, who will have experience dealing with the emotional aftermath of these crimes. There is no rush or pressure though; take your time and do whatever feels most comfortable and comforting to you.
hugs
You did everything right. Sorry you went through this. Time will help, lean on your friends for support, anybody on his side are not good people.
Your friend’s mum is a good woman for giving you the plan b. The hospital really failed in that regard.
Stay strong, you’re allowed to process this however you need. Just make sure you’re taking care of your mental health.
Wtf???????
I’m so sorry that this had to happen to you…
I’m genuinely curious about the reason that your ex had this sudden, disgusting shift in attitude… but well, he has always been like this, just never acted on it and pretended to be caring instead. That’s why this shift was only in attitude.
I cannot for the life of me grasp how someone could do this to the one they say they love…
Please report this scum to the police. Hopefully he’ll stay in prison for a long time.
I am so sorry this happened to you!! I hope he pays for what he has done to you!! How can anyone hurt someone they supposedly love 🤬
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Please stay safe. I can’t imagine the trauma you’ve just been through. You are so strong for reaching out to your friends, going through with the hospital, staying with your friend through this, and going to therapy. You did nothing wrong, and what he did is not okay. You’ll be in my thoughts ❤️
Cold blooded
Did he go to jail????????????????????????
Some things just don’t make sense- or do but are just distrubing and twisted.
I’m so very very sorry he did that to you… I hope you get all the help possible to move on from it. May you heal in your own time, and have a kinder, gentler future… 💛
I know this was a very difficult thing to go through and now process. I’m so glad the hospital was so helpful along with your support system. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I know what’s it’s like to be that age and going through something like that with someone you trusted. You didn’t deserve any of that.
Ex boyfriend/attacker/prisoner . He’s got it in his head that it’s not a problem, he needs to be corrected before he does it again.
Did the hospital give you a plan b pill to take? Didn’t op say he reached for a condom then didn’t use one after stating she didn’t want penateive sex!?
Also do not return to this guy no matter what reason or excuse he gaslights with. What he did is the true him! If he cruelly cared and loved you, if its real in a heart, no reason or substance will alter the thoughts in the mind! That’s just a bs lie !