I (28/F) came home from a 36-hour hospital shift, completely exhausted. My boyfriend (28/M), who only had an 8-hour day, had already been home. When I walked in, I saw the dishes left dirty, teabags in the sink, the floor was a mess, and the bathroom wasn’t cleaned.
I didn’t expect perfection — just a little help. I asked him why he didn’t clean a bit, and he barely responded. Then he suddenly grabbed the trash bag (which wasn’t even half full — and we always agree to wait until it is to save bags), and said let’s go out for breakfast.
While outside, I saw him place the clear plastic bag in the trash collection area — not even tied, with a used condom visible inside. I was horrified because there are several stray cats outside the apartment and asked him why he didn’t tie it and put it in a way other people might see the condom. He patted it like that would fix it. I calmly repeated that it wasn’t okay, so he tied it angrily and said:
“Why are you policing everything? It’s just a bag. Why is it always your way?”
That stung. It wasn’t just about the bag anymore. I asked for an apology — not only for the trash, but for the way he talked to me, and for some affection, comfort, softness. Just a hug or a kind word, especially since he knows I just came off a brutal shift.
Instead, he snapped that if we break up, I’ll be the one who will regret it and cry and then he walked away.
He came back hours later like nothing happened, and I told him I was still upset. I asked him to apologize. He refused. He said we spent 15 hours fighting over a trash bag, and told me I was being too sensitive. He kept asking, “What’s the point of saying sorry?”
He said he helped me with other things so why couldn’t I just let this go. He still refused to say sorry even after I explicitly told him I needed it — and again left angry.
Now it’s been 3 tries. I told him, I’m not asking for groveling, just acknowledgment. He still insists “it’s not worth apologizing for.”
It’s not about the trash bag anymore. It’s about how he treats me when I’m tired and asking for something small. It’s about how I have to beg for emotional accountability.
Now it’s affecting my work, my study time, my peace.
I don’t even know if overreacting.
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Backup of the post’s body: I (28/F) came home from a 36-hour hospital shift, completely exhausted. My boyfriend (28/M), who only had an 8-hour day, had already been home. When I walked in, I saw the dishes left dirty, teabags in the sink, the floor was a mess, and the bathroom wasn’t cleaned.
I didn’t expect perfection — just a little help. I asked him why he didn’t clean a bit, and he barely responded. Then he suddenly grabbed the trash bag (which wasn’t even half full — and we always agree to wait until it is to save bags), and said let’s go out for breakfast.
While outside, I saw him place the clear plastic bag in the trash collection area — not even tied, with a used condom visible inside. I was horrified because there are several stray cats outside the apartment and asked him why he didn’t tie it and put it in a way other people might see the condom. He patted it like that would fix it. I calmly repeated that it wasn’t okay, so he tied it angrily and said:
“Why are you policing everything? It’s just a bag. Why is it always your way?”
That stung. It wasn’t just about the bag anymore. I asked for an apology — not only for the trash, but for the way he talked to me, and for some affection, comfort, softness. Just a hug or a kind word, especially since he knows I just came off a brutal shift.
Instead, he snapped that if we break up, I’ll be the one who will regret it and cry and then he walked away.
He came back hours later like nothing happened, and I told him I was still upset. I asked him to apologize. He refused. He said we spent 15 hours fighting over a trash bag, and told me I was being too sensitive. He kept asking, “What’s the point of saying sorry?”
He said he helped me with other things so why couldn’t I just let this go. He still refused to say sorry even after I explicitly told him I needed it — and again left angry.
Now it’s been 3 tries. I told him, I’m not asking for groveling, just acknowledgment. He still insists “it’s not worth apologizing for.”
It’s not about the trash bag anymore. It’s about how he treats me when I’m tired and asking for something small. It’s about how I have to beg for emotional accountability.
Now it’s affecting my work, my study time, my peace.
I don’t even know if overreacting.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
This is absurd. Let it go or break up
Is this real?
You noticed a used condom, but you’re just worried about stray cats getting into the trash and an apology for the attitude. Not for cheating. Tf???
Does he regularly not contribute to the household chores and then, when he does, do it poorly and get upset if you complain?
Personally I’m not begging someone for an apology, because then they either won’t do it or will apologize & not mean it, just to get you off their back. You need to communicate to him what you’re actually feeling, because we all know it’s not about the trash bag.
Get some sleep, then think about whether you want to continue this relationship.
Sounds like you might have OCD and he is just tired of doing things “your” way. Either way, this doesn’t look healthy. I get it you’re tired too but you’re also nick picking. Good luck.
Do you want to stay w someone who is non-supportive and apparently without empathy?
BF sounds like a huge lazy jerk saying you will be the one crying if you break up. Pfft that tells you HE won’t care if you break up. He thinks he has you right where he wants you.
Girl, you don’t need to take shit from an overgrown child. Send him packing. Keep looking until you find a man who pulls his own weight, and treats you like a queen. You deserve it.
So this is what the relationship is if you stay.
He doesn’t like you as a partner or a person.
He sounds like he actually kind of hates you
It sounds like he’s projecting his insecurity of his short comings onto your reactions. He’s shooting himself in the foot over something that doesn’t have to be. He could clean up, do his part and avoid all of it. Instead, he’s letting everything build up, literally and figuratively. If you are invested in this relationship, I think a big conversation needs to be had. Expectations for each of you, opinions on roles in the house, all the uncomfortable conversations. He might have grown up in a home where the woman does everything and that’s his expectation. He could be depressed and having a hard time doing the smallest things. There is a layer of possibilities but if he’s not emotionally available to talk this out, you’ll have to decide if it’s worth it. The 38hr shift sounds absolutely brutal and no one should have to deal with such petty actions when they get home. I hope he’s able to be vulnerable and have a deeper conversation to sort through this. You don’t deserve to remain in this cycle and deserve to know why this is happening.
It’s sad that he had no empathy for OP’s situation and no desire to do his share around the house.
OP should decide if she wants more of this for the next 50 years
He’s a Douch bag get rid of him hell he thinks its ok to be lazy while he expects you to clean all the mess and if you guys alread decided to save the trash until it full he was being a punk a
Obvious AI writing.
The truth is, you sound absolutely exhausting to be with, are you always this utterly hellbent on having your point acknowledged and things being your way? It sounds to me like he’s had an absolute titfull of it and checked out of your constant haranguing of him. Does he sound a bit lazy and unhelpful around the house? Definitely, but acting like his overlord isn’t going to change that.
You two need an honest and open conversation about your compatibility.
Is he right in saying that things are always your way or the high way? Not judging just need more information.
Just because you worked a “36 hour shift” which I’m sure is illegal, doesn’t meant he doesn’t deserve to relax because he worked less. Seems like you’re salty about that too.
Why beg for an apology? Even if he gives in and says it, you already know he doesn’t mean it.
Are you always this dramatic? He took the trash out and you’re upset he didn’t do it your way? Break up with him. He deserves better.
Not overreacting, but something I picked up in your post, use or lose:
You’re asking him, he’s telling you.
This subtle distinction in how you relate to each other suggests he’s unlikely to change. As things stand the power dynamic is heavily skewed in his favour because he simply doesn’t care. You said yourself: he thinks it would be your loss if you broke up.
He is likely wrong, but he doesn’t know it. Which means he’s unlikely to do what you ask. Your pleas remain optional for him.
If you want him to treat you differently, the way I see it you have two choices: decide you’ve had enough, and leave. Or, if you are committed to staying, stop asking. Set a new standard of behaviour for him, a hard boundary around what you will accept, and stick to it. The relationship with either survive or it won’t. But either way, he will respect you more, and you will respect yourself.
Don’t tell him your expectations twice. And don’t beg. He has ears. If he doesn’t listen, it’s because he has chosen not to. But I suspect when he senses a change in you, those ears might start working a little better.
Honestly, this trash of a man needs to take himself out. If you did not have to deal with his mess, your life would be so much more peaceful. Also, are you sure that that used condom was one from your relations? He honestly sounds awful enough to be the kind of person who would be so brazen.
If you find a way to stay together-it will take some work-hire cleaning help. Having someone come in when you have a brutal schedule is worth it.
Did he disappear somewhere for hours? If so that used condom was not used on you. Even if he’s not cheating the way he treats you is not the way someone loves you would treat you. You deserve someone who is kind and loving. He will not change, he already disrespects you, you cannot fix that. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Even if he is nice sometimes, the way he treats you during arguments is not appropriate for a loving relationship.
Leave this relationship as soon as possible, don’t waste anymore of your youth on him. And read Lundy’s “why does he do that?” It’s free online, you’ll probably figure out a lot about your relationship.
This man doesn’t like you, respect you, he definitely doesn’t love you. Pay attention to his actions not his words.
Think of the way Justin treats Morgan, there is a love for you like that out there, you just have to quit putting up with men who tolerate you
“It’s not about the trash bag anymore, it’s about how he treats me”.
Tell him that. Preferably as you are packing your bags and getting the heck away from him.
If he at least acknowledged your fatigue and had promised to do better that would be one thing. His complete lack of understanding puts him in a completely selfish headspace. The best thing you can do for him is dump him. Maybe then he’ll learn to be more empathetic to his partners.
So he slammed his weight around and did it wrong so you won’t ask again. Is this really someone you want to spend time with?
He is a shitty room mate, much less a good partner. It’s clear he feels no responsibility for your home, and views it as “helping” you instead of being an adult. Dump him now, it’s never going to get better. Unless you want to be treated like a servant (or maybe his mother?)
He helped you with other things, huh? Does he not live there? Is all of this apparently your job? Is he just dead weight?
come on, at that point why are you hanging on with him? Just move on. You know you’ll be better off without him.
Why are you with a man who hates you?
When I had a boyfriend who started to mess with my bread and butter, he was gone.
I’m wondering what it felt like from his perspective that you came home and started pointing out things he didn’t do that you were dissatisfied about, which might have put him into a bad mood. You had a really hard shift and you were looking to come home to a calm and clean place to rest which is very understandable. But your bf may have felt that you came home and started criticising him.
I understand the apology is important to you, but it’s possible that he was still processing the argument and felt that his own feelings weren’t being heard. Instead of telling him what to do with the trash, and then telling him to apologize, can you ask him what he’s feeling or what he thought of this situation? You might have to wait for an apology until he has had a chance to process his own feelings and/or discuss them with you first.
You’re not in the wrong but relationships are about both of you working together towards a solution where you both feel comfortable.
Also, just as a practical note, you might be tired and hungry coming home from a long shift, and sometimes it’s best to focus on a shower, snack, and sleep before worrying about the trash.
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A 36-hour shift sounds AWFUL, and I can easily see that a person would be absolutely drained & exhausted coming off of one. But, judging ONLY by the episode you describe in your post, it’s not clear why you expected a dishes-free sink, a vacuumed living room and a freshly scrubbed bathroom at the specific moment that you arrived home…
We, the readers, have no idea what the division of labor is supposed to be in your home or whether both of you are doing your fair share 🤷🏽. I do know as someone who has only ever worked 9-5 type jobs that even though I’d ‘only’ worked 8 hours, I definitely didn’t get home and do intensive cleaning every day–and didn’t expect anyone else to have done that cleaning FOR me, either.
What I’m saying is that if there’s a larger issue of your bf leaving you to do all the housework, you need to address that issue as a whole with calm conversations when you’re both relatively well-rested. The only-half-full, untied trashbag no-apology ‘issue’? Let that go, take a step back and figure out what you’re REALLY upset about — and see whether you and your partner should stay together or not 🤷🏽
everyone has a different tolerance for cleanliness. i could walk home to all those things and not give a fuck because i’d do the same and leave them out of place way longer than some people. this is an incompatibility that will drive you both crazy eventually
That behavior is unlikely to change or improve as the stakes of your relationship get higher.
Your boyfriend is a jerk. Why are you with him? Seriously think about your relationship and ask yourself, why are you still with him?
I usually go a couple loads of laundry and most of the folding. She always comes home to a clean sink and I do most of the unloading of dishwasher. Once a week I will vacuum, sweep mop.
I never expect thanks, but I do enjoy the “thanks” she gives me with the extra time.
Forget about the trash bag. I can’t imagine you are happier with this jerk than you would be without him. Maybe it’s time to make a plan to change your life for the better. You can’t find someone who treats you with respect and wants to share the load with you as long as you’re with this guy.
The trash bag should only be the top of the iceberg. Your house was dirty with a mess he likely created since you weren’t even home for 36 hours and he did nothing to clean up after himself. Why are you with this guy?
Girl throw the whole man away.
It’s not about the trash bag, it’s never just about the trash bag. You know, we know.
Plus tying the trash bag closed is the normal way??? Whether he bothers to be discrete about anything in it or not, if he can’t even tie a bag it’s either on purpose or he’s really that ignorant about housework. Neither of those is a good look for a 28 year old, do not put up with that.
Now as this is a one-sided account, maybe there’s a lack of communication of expectations on your side or something idk your relationship or you, but even then the attitude is wrong. This isn’t just a problem with your relationship, it’s a fundamental problem with how he is, and only he can fix or change that about himself.
Cut your losses and find someone better, or just be on your own for a while. Even if no one else is cleaning, it’s also true that no one else is making a mess and it’ll be more manageable than you might think.
Seriously the difference between just one extra person that doesn’t pull their weight when it comes to cleaning is sooooo heavy you don’t even realize till you’re free of it and you go “wait, this is way easier than I thought?” Because your mind is accounting for doing the effort of a +One but doesn’t account as well for the difference when they aren’t piling on top of you. Basically, your brain thinks being single will be hard
because it’s been carrying extra weight as if it’s all yours, but when that weight is gone you’ll realize that it isn’t too bad to just take care of your own self and business and that things you clean stay clean.
There will always be unavoidable times when you have to take on more than the other person, but those times are meant to be temporary and if they are not you either need a different solution or a different person.
Take care of yourself! Wishing you the best!
How does it feel to be treated like the maid?
It doesn’t do any of the household chores and treats you badly. Why aren’t you breaking up with this man could?
Put him in 👏the 👏bin👏
You better run, girl
he wants you to dump him. he’s a pussy and wants you to be the bad guy
he’s literally baiting you to dump him
do it
NOR! I dated a man child and I worked at a resto (not the same, I am aware) 5am-2pm. Would come home to dirty dishes in the sink, him playing video games and was always “just about to do them”. Looking back I hate that I stayed so long, but when do hear stories like this am soooooo glad it didn’t work out.
Dump his ass. You deserve to be respected by your partner, be with someone who isn’t an idiot, and who can clean up after himself especially after a long night shift (in any profession) so you don’t come home to a full mess. And the not caring about neighbourhood animal safety and turning it into what he did – dumbass!
You sound like a very lucky lady.
My husband can’t tie bags for toffee. So this is more about the reaction from him than the bag itself.
If my husband did this he would be instantly contrite and go woops my bad can you tie it for me and I’ll heave it in? This is why bins are one of my chores because it just isn’t something he can do.
How your bf responded knowing you’d just got in from a long shift and that was his reaction says more about him than you. Especially now it’s a couple of days later and he is still buckling down and now ignoring it and trying to flip it into you.
How do my fellow ladies work 36 hours and put up with this shit 💔
Are you looking for a better roommate? If I were there I would have had the house spotless, breakfast ready and clean sheets on the bed. That’s the bare minimum.
How long have you been together? Is it typical for him to leave the house messy? Does he typically blame you for his bad behavior? What positive things do you get out of this relationship?
As a man you take out the garbage.
When I visit my girlfriend and her trash is full. I take it out.
I promise that after you have a good cry, you’ll be SO MUCH HAPPIER after you break up.
He doesn’t have what it takes to be a spouse to someone doing a (residency? Doctor? Nurse?) job in the medical field. You continually give and are sensitive to the needs of others. He will disappoint you and seems to resent you for expecting anything from him.
Day in and day out, this sounds like an absolute drag.
Is this how you want things to be?
After work and you approach your place, how do you feel? When you open the door and cross the threshold, how do you feel?
Imagine years of this. Tough day at work, coming home to what? A manipulative man-child?
Home should be sanctuary.
So he’s told you if you break up, that you will be the one to regret it and cry.
That’s enough surely to realise how he feels about you?
Break up, move out, get your own place and leave him to wallow in his own trash.
Don’t move in with men.
This is where I can’t take men’s comment seriously when they say women never tell them what we want. Again and again we tell them specifically what we need and what is important to us and they just brush it off.
Take the trash out yourself this time. And by trash I mean him.
If you were completely exhausted why didn’t you do what you needed to do to decompress first then bring up the house cleanliness? He is not a whipping post. You were wound up, you took it out on him over something trivial then got your feelings hurt when he responded by not feeding into the bullskit. You got your feelings hurt but you started the issue. Hes not going to apologize so stop asking for it. At this point, it would be meaningless. Learn how to communicate without job exhaustion leading the conversation. Maybe take yourself on vacation to decompress. Then when your stress isn’t so high, talk about labor division and what you need from him emotionally. These conversations come out better when there isn’t any tension. If he cant get with it then break up.
After typing this out, rereading it before posting, you know what you need to do now, right? I mean, surely?
..a condom?? A condom?? A CONDOM???????? Just out there, inside an untied bag in a garbage bin.. for just ANYONE to see and KNOW you have SEX??
He sounds like a 12 year old who’s spending the weekend at dad’s. Even though dad is staying at his girlfriend’s house.
Info: I’m not saying in any way that the way he threw the garbage bag was ok, but is it possible that when he does something you often tell him it’s not the right way?
I say this over and over again to people – this person isn’t partner material. Be done with this. There are better humans out there. He’s wrong – you won’t miss him at all. You just have to get out of it to see it.
Why are you with him? Sounds like it’d be nice to come home to a house that wasn’t a pigsty that he left that way since you’d likely do your own dishes after using them and put them away. This is a mess he leaves for you to walk into, then gets mad that you’re mad about it. It’s DARVO.
Dude, you’re in a stressful work environment and you have a jackass at home. Please love yourself more and leave. Don’t give into that ‘but I looooooooooooove him’. You don’t. You love who he was at the beginning of the relationship. This asshole is not that guy anymore. His mask is off. “But I’ve been with him for so long.” And you somehow think that justifies continuing to torment yourself by clinging to him? He’s not going to change. He will not say sorry. He thinks he’s not doing anything wrong. By this point, if he was decent, he would have apologized or you could have talked about stuff. This is his MO. It’s all ‘your’ fault.
Love yourself, girl, because he doesn’t and someone should.
Just another story of weaponized incompetence, please don’t put up with this any longer
You and anyone else out there struggling with this deserve better.
First of all, you weren’t asking for the floors to be mopped. Just the basics, dishes, trash & swirl some disenfectent in the toilet so it doesn’t stink. Working 36 hour shifts at a hospital means you’re some where on upper echelons of medical training, you’re tired & broke now. But soon you won’t be. That’s why he came back so fast. It might be jealousy (happens a lot in relationships), it might be fear that you’ll out grow him in a short time. Continue your studies & work. It’s going to pay off. Don’t let his mental blackmail throw you off your path. You have to decide if he is worth not completing your MD degree. Good luck & don’t get distracted!
What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? Besides being bullied and not supported? OP for your mental health, ESPECIALLY working shifts like that, having someone this rude to you will wear you down
This was never about the trash bag. It was just the last straw that broke, and everything came crumbling down. I would have just said you’re tired and get some rest, UNTIL he said: you couldn’t do better than him. That’s manipulative. Decide if this is truly something you want. It was never about the trash bag.
Stop mistaking your desire to be in a relationship and not be alone for love.
The simple answer is break up because you two are not compatible. The complex: it will absolutely hurt for a while.
Apologies, like respect, are not something you can demand from people.
Your boyfriend sounds like a man-child and a lazy one at that.
It’s harsh but his behaviour before/during/after the argument shows a complete lack of respect for you. Seems like he doesn’t like you much. I’m amazed you’re actively sleeping with this loser.
There are guys who refuse to see. It’s up to you to draw the consequences.
I have said this more times on Reddit that I can count, but why insist on an apology that clearly would not be sincere? What good is an apology that you have to demand? To insist upon? It’s not a real apology and the person giving isn’t feels no regret for their actions.
Stop asking for an apology and start realizing that he places no value on you. You can do better.
Do better.
If he wanted to, he would.
He’s showing you your future together.
It’s not about the trash bag. He’s a man child. He shouldn’t be leaving the house trashed. It shows no respect.
Geebus why are you with this person? Do they even like you? Respect you? Would you have kids with someone who can maintain basic standards of cleanliness or doesn’t respect the hard work you put in?
Best of luck
You should call his bluff and break up with him!
End this relationship.
Not overreacting.
“I didn’t expect perfection — just a little help.” And instead you got abuse and a lack of empathy or accountability. That’s the real problem. The trash bag is just the last straw – or at least, it should be. Idk if your immediate response will be to defend him or to reason that you two can work this out, but reconsider that and really sit with this sadness. It’s your gut instinct telling you this is wrong, that you deserve better and more, and that your hard work deserves to go noticed and rewarded, and you’ll never have that with him.
Don’t do anything at all for him or the house. No clothes, dishes, mopping, sweeping or cooking. Tell him a mom takes care of that and tell him to invite his over to take care of him. Because he’s a boy not a man.
You sound absolutely exhausting
This isn’t about a trash bag. Your partner doesn’t respect you enough to even pretend he likes you. I treat strangers a thousand times better than this. You deserve someone who cares about you and how you feel. At MINIMUM you deserve someone who cares enough to pretend.
He’s weaponizing his incompetence here.
Begging for an apology is wild.
He messed up in your eyes… but he doesn’t agree. Idk, but why do you want a forced (and not genuine) apology?
I would not bother
It’s never about the trash bag. It’s a culmination of all the things he doesn’t do. You deserve better.
Is he typically like this? Emotionally selfish and gaslighty? Does he normally help out more?
If he’s like this typically- get out.
You’re not fighting over the trash bag. You’re fighting over the disrespect.
A person who liked you wouldn’t treat you like that. Not even love, just at LEAST liked you.
Wait you worked for 36 hours straight at a hospital? How is that even safe for you and for patients?
He’s telling you that YOU are not worth the apology.
Believe him.
Your boyfriend sucks, time to get a new one, or be by yourself
Why be with someone who takes you for granted and assumes you’ll always be there no matter how little he values you?
You are overreacting this is a very common episode by a lot of women. Just be ok with not always getting your way. Little things don’t matter to men
Why TF are you with him? He is verbally abusive and domestically challenged.
Please. Please unload this guy. It’s not going to get better.
You’re not only mad about the trash bag, it was just the catalyst for the fight. When you aren’t exhausted, you need to have a real conversation and address the over all issue about his lack of contribution to household responsibilities.
“[I’ve long believed that “you’re too sensitive” is what people say when they’ve said or done something unkind and want you to believe that they haven’t. I’ve considered it a form of gaslighting. Still, when you hear something often enough, you eventually consider the possibility that it might be true.” Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-introverts-corner/201605/what-it-means-when-someone-tells-you-youre-too-sensitive)
He does not love you.
You are not overreacting.
Break up with him.
I’m guessing your life would be a whole lot easier without him in it.
It’s not about the trash. It’s the disrespect to you, and your home. It’s the not being helpful. It’s the having to tell him to do anything. It’s the mental and physical burden of carrying this relationship.
You know, if he didn’t live there – you would come home after a 36 hr shift to a peaceful, clean house and no gaslighting. Food for thought.
Just break up
Not about the apology. This is about how he’s treating you. Maybe you two have different standards of cleanliness and he would be perfectly fine sitting around in filth. Unfortunately he doesn’t live alone. You need to clearly explain to him how it makes you feel when he leaves his mess around, especially after you’ve been working so hard all day. And yes he works too, but this is a shared household. These things have to get done whether we like it or not. He doesn’t sound like a good partner.
Dump him he’s a jerk.
What in the Chris Watts is this? Girl. Thank God y’all use protection. Leave this loser. Take a day off…when he’s at work pack all your shit and get far the hell away. Or kick his ass out. Whatever is easier! Stay safe. He sounds like a ticking time bomb. Have people with you. Pls update us OP
Yikes. Why tie yourself to someone who has no empathy or respect for you?
Why don’t you deserve more than this?
IMHO
He wants to break up
Dump this asshole
Man leave that guy and for gods sakes don’t get pregnant
As you told him, it’s about how he’s treating you, and he very clearly does not see a need to treat you with respect or kindness or even basic consideration. This is not a workable relationship, get out.
This is called weaponized incompetence and he doesn’t even seem to like you.
Things aren’t “your way,” they are just “the way.” Why is everything with him so wrong, so half assed, so disgusting and sad?
If he can’t apologize at all, that will not change. I need you to understand that he is just not interested in accountability. I promise, from decades of experience with one like it, that he will not change. There is no benefit to people like that to change. Accountability is uncomfortable, so why do it?
He’s clearly unapologetic over mortifying you. You expected the bare minimum and he threatened you over it. You are currently only dating and he’s already acting like this. Would you really want to be tied to him in a legal way be it through marriage or having kids with him. Is he in a career where he could potentially cause issues for you (police, lawyer, medical field).
He is an AH. Slob, also. But.
Nobody should ask for an apology.
Why are you still with this drongo? He sounds dreadful!
Step back and create a list of the top 5-10 things you want in a relationship- ignore what he does or doesn’t do. Try to think big. Then compare your relationship to that. If you are getting 8 out of 10 then a) acknowledge the 8 and b) work on the 2. This process will help you focus without simply attacking and ignoring what you liked about the relationship to begin with. It might also show a larger set of issues that deserve focus rather than the trash bag. Good luck OP
Where do you find these asshole men who behave this way?
Please…PLEASE…marshal all of your self-respect and ditch this loser.
stop putting up with him. he is delusional to think another woman would ever want to deal with his bullshit.
Ew. This is unacceptable behavior from your BF. He should not be talking to you the way.
He is clearly already thinking of breaking up. Why not give him what he clearly wants?
Update me when you brake up.
If this is how he treats you after a 36 hour shift, how do you think he will improve his behavior in the future? You have asked several times for an apology and haven’t gotten one. Then he has the nerve to say you’re too sensitive, trying to justify his awful behavior. He’s already shown you who he is, and that admitting he was wrong or taking responsibility for his actions is not on the agenda. Do you want to have a relationship with someone who treats you this way and has no respect for your feelings? Let him go, he isn’t worth the aggravation.
Leave, quickly. I’m married to a man that doesn’t contribute and it’s exhausting. Cut your losses
So it’s not over the trash bag, it’s the fact that he treats you like trash. He obviously sees no value in what you do for work and what you do around the house and bring to the relationship. He is being lazy and avoiding having any kind of meaningful conversation where he would have to be held accountable for his childish behavior. Time to reevaluate your relationship. Is this someone you want to do life with? If he is going to act like a pedantic ass over something this, what is he going to do when life really gets hard? Time to cut your losses and really take out the trash! Him!
Girl. He does not respect you and won’t change.