My boyfriend and I were having a conversation about our families, and I mentioned how both of my parents worked full-time when I was a kid. He asked who took care of me and my brothers while they were working, and I told him that my uncle — who was 18 at the time — used to babysit us from when I was around 3 to 5 years old.
I mentioned that when I was still potty training, I would sometimes need help wiping, and since my parents weren’t home during the day, my uncle was the one responsible for that kind of caregiving. I remember it being more of a chore to him — something he clearly didn’t enjoy — and he was always trying to get me to learn how to do it myself as soon as possible.
My uncle has always been like a second dad to me. He helped raise us, and I’ve never once felt unsafe or uncomfortable around him. But my boyfriend’s reaction really caught me off guard. He looked horrified and said it was super creepy and disturbing. He said my parents were irresponsible for allowing that and that the whole thing was weird.
Now, instead of letting it go, he’s acting mad at me because I don’t see anything wrong with it. He’s trying to make me feel like I’m the weird one — like there’s something wrong with me for not viewing that memory through a sexual or disturbing lens. It’s like he’s pushing this narrative that I should feel ashamed or grossed out, and the more I try to explain that it was just part of being a cared-for child, the more upset he gets.
Now I’m sitting here feeling confused and gross about something that, until now, just felt like a normal, innocent part of my upbringing. It really hurts that he took something so harmless and turned it into something gross — and now I feel like I did something wrong just for sharing it.
Am I missing something? Am I wrong for not seeing this as a big deal?
Comments
No I don’t think you are wrong. Your uncle was
clearly only doing what he did because you
needed the help and not because it was something
he wanted to do. Your boyfriend is clearly the
one with issues and his behavior seems like a red
flag to me.
This looks like 1) Immaturity and 2) Projection. Maybe something similar happened to him that was sexual and he’s feeling this way without thinking rationally, or he’s a complete freako. Either way, he’s dead wrong.
It sounds like your boyfriend is looking to find fault with someone. From what you said, it sounds like your uncle was just a caregiver helping you.
There’s a lot of old fashioned weirdness beliefs about anyone but mommy doing certain chores involving baby, toddler, child nudity. My grandmother made the same type of remarks because my father helped at bath time with my sister in the early 80s. It’s all nonsense related to toxic masculinity and traditional gender rolls and the thinking that men can’t be caretakers, at least if it comes to anything involving a little girl especially.
Remarkable from the generation that had “funny uncles” and refused to “break up the family” over such. Surprised to hear this from someone so young, but everything old fashioned and out of date is making a return evidently…
Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how cruel it would’ve been for your uncle to leave you unwiped. There was nothing wrong with him making sure the children in his care had proper hygiene.
Sounds like your bf is the gross one and needs to be shamed for his immaturity. I would strongly advise you to rethink the relationship with this idiot.
Your boyfriend has unresolved issues he needs to address or is just extremely immature.
Not being able to seperate sexualization from necessary care-giving (diaper changing, wiping, clothes changing, etc.) for children is a red flag on his part.
Something tells me if he has a daughter hes going to want to avoid this responsibility. Take the red flag for what it is and leave him.
You spelled ex boyfriend who is a walking 🚩 wrong.
I genuinely cant understand what hes mad at you about ? is he jealous that your uncle got to wipe you ???? what the fuck ????
He ain’t the one kiddo, that’s someone who won’t help with a kid with that mentality.
He is the gross one.
Why is your boyfriend making an innocent childhood encounter sexual, or sexualizing you at that age for that matter? I think your boyfriend is telling on himself here, his issue with it reeks of projection. When I used to babysit my nephew, I had to help him wipe also and it grossed me out but it had to be done. My only thought when doing that was trying not to gag because I didn’t want to make him feel bad. If he sees a normal caretaking occurrence with a young child as sexual, he has to be twisted and sick in the head.
Contrary to popular belief, most uncles, dads and brothers aren’t pedofiles. The poor guy (who was remarkably young at the time, just in his late teens) took care of you as a help to your parents and just didn’t want to let you marinate in shit and get blisters and infections.
If your boyfriend can’t see it as anything else than that, it really makes me wonder, what kind of disturbed thing is going on in his head?
um wtf your boyfriend needs help that’s absolutely disgusting of him to say and imply
My brothers were 14 and 15 when my son was born and babysat him right up until he didn’t need a babysitter. They did anything and everything he needed while in their care including wiping his butt when needed. This is absolutely NORMAL. I babysat my brothers when they were young and wiped their butts too when they were potty training and they have no feelings about their sister wiping their butts when they were younger. Nothing to feel weird about OP. It’s weird that your boyfriend thinks it’s weird. Maybe he had an experience that contributed to his opinion?
The guy is weird AF. Dump him .
.
Him sexualising wiping pee and shit off of a child’s bum is what’s horrifying to me. That he thinks that this is inappropriate, that he feels like that if he’d ever come into the situation, that he sexualises children in any way shape or form is what’s horrifying.
You should ask your bf if he’s ever been molested.
Does he only feel this way about you because you’re a girl? Or does he also think that it’s equally as inappropriate for your uncle to have taken care of your brothers too? Just trying to get a good feel on how stupid your (ex) boyfriend is.
So does he also feel this way about Dad’s who have to wipe their daughter’s asses? Because there’s something wrong with this guy who is obviously making a mountain out of a mole hill. There’s a lot of really disturbing stuff out there, but a young man who would rather you wipe your own bits is not part of that problem, imho. Especially since you never felt weird about it.
you’re not wrong. children need that kind of care early in their lives and it isn’t weird for a trusted adult besides the parents to take care of that, because parents need a break too.
something tells me he’s either chronically online, or he might have sexual trauma from early in his life. it’s understandable either way and i don’t blame him for reacting so drastically, but he needs to learn eventually that there’s nothing wrong with your uncle having given you basic childcare when you were small.
ETA: what i’m more concerned about is this odd angle of blaming you for “not understanding” what he is viewing as sexual assault. which can also result from either trauma… or being chronically online. but he needs to understand as well that he’s not gonna get anyone to understand how he sees things simply by blaming you for not agreeing with his viewpoint. he isn’t facilitating a productive conversation or seemingly willing to change his mind, and that’s concerning in its own right.
You’re absolutely not wrong for not seeing it as a big deal — because it wasn’t. What you described is a totally normal part of caregiving, especially in families where people step up to help each other. Potty training is messy, and when parents are working, someone has to help. It sounds like your uncle took on that role responsibly, reluctantly even, and you’ve never felt unsafe or uncomfortable around him — that’s what matters most.
Your boyfriend’s reaction says more about his discomfort and personal biases than it does about anything actually inappropriate happening. It’s concerning that he’s not just expressing discomfort but turning it into a judgment on your family, your memories, and even you. That’s not fair.
It’s also troubling that instead of listening and trying to understand your experience, he’s making you feel ashamed for something completely innocent and normal. That’s a red flag. Emotional safety in a relationship means being able to share your past without it being weaponized against you.
You’re not missing something. You’re not weird. And you didn’t do anything wrong — not as a child, and not now by sharing that memory. It might be worth talking to him about how his reaction made you feel and whether he’s open to seeing your experience through your lens, not his assumptions. If he can’t, that’s on him — not you.
So, does this mean he won’t be changing diapers or wiping girl babies? Don’t have kids with him.
Oooo he needs to be an ex bf. He’s a pedophile
Okay. So would he rather your caretaker leave you with shit on your ass as a toddler?
Your boyfriend sounds like he has a fucked up childhood and is projecting big time.
It’s hella weird that your bf sexualized that…like my mind would never have gone to that being weird because small children need to have clean bums. That’s just part of taking care of them.
Either your bf has creepy qualities, or he was hurt as a child. Or has seen it too much. Either way he has stuff he needs to work through, you have done nothing wrong and shouldn’t feel weird.
If you send your 0-to-4-year-old to daycare, don’t you expect that someone besides parents will be responsible for changing diapers or making sure that they’re clean if they have an accident or something? This is some kind of trigger for him, but if you don’t feel weird about it, neither should he.
You’re not wrong. That’s completely normal behavior for a caregiver and toddler. I used to work at a summer camp and guess what, I had to wipe a lot of 3-4 year old butts. Nothing sexual about it, but it’s necessary when caring for children of that age to keep them clean and healthy. Your bf clearly has no concept of what caring for children entails. Don’t let him convince you it was something it wasn’t. It sounds like your relationship with your uncle was normal!
Maybe you should sit and chat with him. Tell him that your uncle was simply a caregiver at that time and only doing what was needed. Let him know it worries you that he sees it any other way. Ask him did he ever experience something like that as a child and maybe that’s why it bothers him. If not, ask him if someone he knows needed him in an emergency to watch their child who needed diaper change or help wiping what would he do? There are definitely bad people out there, and many are uncles unfortunately. But we can’t just go along with the narrative that men aren’t capable of caring for children without a sexual undertone.
Maybe something happened to him and he’s performing transference of the trauma to you and your childhood.. Stand your ground and ask him about his childhood
Props to your 18 yo uncle for being responsible enough to actually help out instead of letting you sit in your own shit till a parent came home.
Ugh, toxic patriarchy/misogyny strikes again. Flip it on him and tell him that the only one sexualizing the situation is him. That’s weird and creepy.
Your BF is weird.
As a girl dad and an uncle to a niece. Wiping up shit is an absolute chore. It’s frustrating when kids who should be able to do it themselves, can’t, won’t, or are too lazy to try. What’s weird from an uncle perspective is when a niece asks for uncle to be the one to do it, when uncle has no kids yet and has never wiped anyone but their own ass before. Honestly, your uncle is a good one for stepping up to that responsibility.
Your boyfriend is beyond immature if they believe there’s anything other than parenting going on.
Don’t let your boyfriend make you feel any different than how you originally felt! There’s nothing wrong with how you were cared for! I used to baby sit my nieces and nephew around your uncles age. Totally normal. We take care of family. I wonder why he feels that the way you were raised is disturbing and why is he pushing it? Maybe he had some traumatic experience with a family member at a young age and he’s projecting? Maybe it’s cultural differences? Either way this doesn’t seem like a compatible future.
Your boyfriend is a creep. That’s the immediate reaction I got to this story.
I wonder what other weird, antiquated crap is lurking in his head that you haven’t witnessed yet.
I hate the idea that men get so much shit for not stepping up, and when they do and are genuine and being a father figure to you as a kid, it has to be some other sexual motive…Seems like this guy is projecting a bit. This is the same rationale that I hear when men are kindergarten teachers, ex…
Don’t lose sleep over his judgments, and if you do, then find a different ent dude.
Your boyfriend has absorbed too many pervy uncle jokes and adapted that into real life, and is now projecting it onto you. Doesn’t he know the majority of uncles are just normal people? How cruel if he left you unwiped, causing a rash. He needs to back the fuck off and stop telling you how to remember your own uncle. Tell him to shut the hell up.
This man is unsafe and I would never have my children around him. He is announcing who he is.
So what’s he gonna do if he ever has a daughter? Just… Not wipe her?!
Uncle did nothing wrong. He was taking proper care of his niece instead of letting her sit in shit as a small child.
My dad wiped my ass and bathed me and my husband wiped our daughters’ asses and bathed them. Nothing weird here.
Geez move on from this guy. Sure as hell don’t get pregnant by him. He sure won’t help with any kids. Can’t be changing diapers or help potty train cause that’s just pervy and creepy for a guy to do. Your uncle wasn’t happy about doing it but he did what had to be done. He will be a good dad. This waste of space you’re dating would be a lazy one.
As a father with a 4yo son, no, there was nothing wrong in this context. If I’d left my child with someone and they needed help, I’d let the person know that in advance and make sure it was okay, and then I’d expect them to care for my child.
What, your boyfriend would’ve rathered you sit around crusted in your own filth?
No one enjoys wiping up bodily waste from children. But it’s part of the job.
The fact that your boyfriend sexualises it says a lot more about your boyfriend than anything about you.
Not a thing wrong about that. Your boyfriend is making it a problem and it isn’t.
Your bf has shown his hang ups, this will follow you through your relationship. Your Unkle, like many men, are fully capable of child care and are not in the least attracted to children…. Your bf might be. :/
maybe your boyfriend’s uncle was creepy and disturbing and he’s generalizing it to all uncles. my uncle wasn’t creepy and he would have done a great job caring for me if we’d lived closer to them. my brother is one of the only people i feel comfortable leaving my kids with and i hope they feel the same way about him that you feel about your uncle. it is normal and good to feel safe with your parents’ siblings. it is too bad your boyfriend doesn’t have the life experience to back that up; you are well within your rights to tell him to shut up about it. try not to let him get to you.
Uncle here, that sounds perfectly innocent. I’m also in a caregiving role, and when I tell you wiping butt is the last thing I want to do, it’s the LAST THING I WANT TO DO. I gag almost every time. It sounds like your boyfriend is just trying to assign you trauma? Idk that is such a weird thing to be upset with someone over.
your boyfriend have a porn brain. is he in anyway a porn addict? he might have gone too deep and consuming the worse kind of porn now. this is probably projecting from his side
I have a friend who’s partner did this. They took something innocent she shared about her dad and tried to twist it into something inappropriate. Your bf may have reasons for believing this, but if he’s anything like my friend’s partner you need to run.
“Would you love me if I was a worm” “would you love me if I was a baby and you had to wipe mu ass”
I have an uncle thats’ around the same age difference and my mom and her sister would leave all of their kids with him and I have fond memories of it only because… if they only knew what transpired haha. Oh we gave him hell too, he didn’t deserve that, I feel bad for some of it, he was basically just a kid! I remember him complaining to my grandma at one point about how someone destroyed something in his room. I have a 17 year old now and there is no way I’m leaving 5 kids ranging from 2-8 with him lmao.. and no.. he wouldn’t really enjoy the caregiving parts of it. your boyfriend is weird.
Dad of a three year old girl here.
I have had to wipe my daughter.
So has my FIL, my Dad, and other family members at time when they have watched her.
Tell you boyfriend he is a fucking idiot and ask him what he would expect to do with his own children?!?
Maybe he was molested himself as a child? I had a ex say something similar about my dad, Turns out he was projecting because he was molested by his dad but no excuse to try and gaslight me into thinking my dad was a creep.
Your boyfriend is making this situation weird because he’s projecting bis biases onto your experience.
There’s nothing wrong with it. To point out that there is means he seriously has some introspection and maturing to do.
So, are those tasks only reserved for women or something?
Men change diapers not a single sexual thing about it. Ask your boyfriend.
If you had to wipe a three year olds button are you thinking about sex ?
Cause why the dude thinks of it as sexy is a way bigger issue.
Reading this makes me wonder if your boyfriend has some trauma he’s repressing, to be honest. You’re not in the wrong here; he’s taking something harmless and blowing it way out of proportion in a way that’s affecting your relationship (even if it’s only in a “small” way). I’d sit down and have a thorough conversation with him to ask WHY he thinks the way your uncle cared for you was wrong. Tell him you want to understand where he’s coming from, then feel out how to reply from there. Stand your ground— this could cause bad blood between him and your uncle if he’s allowed to just carry on thinking unreasonable negative things about him.
He has absolutely no reason to be mad at you. If you tell someone something personal and they try to control you with it, that’s a big redflag.
Men take care of chidlren too and if this guy does not understand that, you do not want him to be the father of your children.
If my partner tried to paint me caring for my sister’s young children (including nappy changes, and gasp wiping their butts) in a sexual or inappropriate light, I would dump them so fast.
Your uncle was your caregiver. Cleaning a child’s butt, when they can’t do it themselves, is part of caring for them.
Your boyfriend is gross.
It’s bothersome he views normal child care as sexual or inappropriate. It says a lot more about his childhood and/or his view of children than yours…
This is dumb. Little girls change their younger siblings diapers regardless of gender. How is this any different than that?
People make normal shit weird for no reason..
He is wrong for reacting this way and how he has made you feel. It’s just weird how he reacted
What an interesting way for him to reveal he thinks that sort of caregiving is for women only
Does the bf think it’s gross/weird/creepy when a babysitter/nanny or a daycare worker has to help a toddler or baby wipe themselves?!
If someone tried to sexualize me wiping my nephews ass I’d question why they are trying to sexualize a child. It’s disgusting.
Your boyfriend is the gross one. Absolutely nothing wrong with your uncle helping you in the bathroom.
The only weird one here is your bf.
I bet if you’d said auntie he’d have said nothing. Pure sexism.
FYI, if you ever have kids with this dude he is going to say you have to do all the work like nappy changing because you’re a woman. Keep that in mind.
You are not wrong, but your boyfriend is gross and awful. Do with that what you will. Don’t trust him with any information about anyone you care about. He is not to be trusted. He’s a terrible person.
This is your RED FLAG about your boyfriend.
If you were left with an aunt who had to help change nappies or potty train, I have a funny feeling that this wouldn’t be his reaction.
But… who knows, maybe I’m just jaded.
🚩 🚩 🚩
A lot of males, in a caregiver position, do that.
It’s totally normal and non-sexual. You obviously have never had a problem with it, so don’t worry about it.
I would be worried though, as to why your boyfriend automatically sexualized a completely innocent act, done by millions of men in order to help young children out.
He needs to see a therapist
His reaction is a little worrisome and not normal.
Is this something that he has thought about before?
The only thing that’s gross here is your boyfriend. Does he often sexualize things in a disturbing way? I’d want to know what’s going on with him that he’d jump to basically accusing your uncle of being a child molester – then getting angry at you about it.
As someone who WAS molested by her uncle, your boyfriend’s such a dick. My fiance has a niece that we have babysat a few times and he’s TERRIFIED of being viewed this way. Most of the time, I cared for my niece, but once I had to work and he was so terrified to help her. He did, because she had a very poopy accident and of course he loves her and cares for her as he should, but he was understandably nervous to be viewed differently.
I’m so sorry he’s done this. It’s not fair to you to have to think about something like this when nothing bad happened and was completely innocent. Your uncle would’ve been a monster to NOT help you.
Don’t let him do this to your memories. Don’t let him warp them. And don’t let him make you feel bad for not feeling weird about it.
I feel weird about my uncle because something nefarious DID happen and I couldn’t protect myself, and I wasn’t protected by the adults around me. In fact, I was abused even MORE for “telling on him.” If he was in this room, to this day, he would find every reason to be near me. Sitting beside me. Escorting me if i went somewhere. THAT is creepy. Not what you’re experiencing.
How old are you both? If he is a teen or early 20’s this is just a lack of life experience. If he’s older than that then he’s an idiot.
I was that uncle at one point at 18. Your boyfriend can fuck off. I watched my niece from 1-4. Changed her diapers and taught her to use the potty. Anyone that would sexualize something like this is fucking a lunatic. If your boyfriend sexualizes this, he can’t be trusted around kids.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I was in the same boat as your uncle; I was 16 taking care of a 2yo, helping her potty train, etc. In my case, people have seen it as “that’s normal, you’re a woman,” but I believe it comes back to double standards. There’s no ill-will from your uncle, he was simply being a caretaker. Would’ve been the same as if your parents hired a babysitter who’s in high school. Don’t let your boyfriend’s opinion affect the way you remember this particular memory
No… you’re not missing something. And no you’re not wrong. Sit with that for a moment.
You shared something human. Something tender. A memory not about bodies, but about care. Vulnerability. The unfiltered version of childhood where trust is currency, and love is shown in the form of helping hands even with the messy parts.
But here’s the thing most people don’t understand: when someone takes your memory and runs it through the filter of their own fears, their own discomforts, it doesn’t make your memory wrong. It just reveals something about them.
Your boyfriend isn’t reacting to your story he’s reacting to a story he created from your words. He took innocence and laid shame on top of it like a heavy blanket. He mistook duty for deviance. And that’s not on you.
You didn’t just describe a bodily function. You described being cared for. A memory wrapped in the safety of family. That doesn’t need fixing. That doesn’t need censoring. That needs honoring.
Now here’s where it gets harder… when someone takes your truth and insists it must be seen their way, they’re not engaging with you anymore. They’re arguing with their own projection. And trying to make you carry the weight of their discomfort.
And you deserve better than that.
You deserve someone who listens and says, “Thank you for trusting me with that.” Someone who can hear the little girl in your story, not the adult in their own fear.
So no, you’re not wrong. You’re real. And if he can’t sit with the reality of your past without rewriting it, then maybe the question isn’t whether your memory was okay… but whether he is safe enough to hold your truth without turning it into something it never was.
You don’t need to feel gross. You need to feel seen.
God bless
I’m an aunt and have been an active caregiver in my nephews lives since they were each born, even living with them for several months at a time. Oldest was born when i was 20. I understand the gender roles are a bit different, but I’ve done bathtime, wiped butts, administered rash cream, etc. That’s just… part of the job. It’s not perverse… it’s letting my sister get an extra hour of sleep while making sure my nephews don’t get an infection. Leaving them in dirty diapers is neglect… what an amazing way for your uncle to care for you. I hope my nephews have the same fond memories of me one day <3
Your boyfriend sounds like he doesn’t understand or believe that men can be caregivers to children… I would explore that thought, especially if you would like to have children one day
It’s always a red flag when someone sexualizes basic needs of children. Like kids who can’t wipe can get infections if not taught correctly.
I suggest telling him to ask his mom how many people changed his diapers and how many people wipes his butt when he was learning to use the toilet. He sounds ridiculous
If your uncle was female would he still be so weird about it? I’m a woman with like 10 younger cousins (my parents are both the oldest from huge families) and I grew up changing diapers and helping with potty training ages 11-20. He’s being weird about it.
He’s jealous it’s a big problem and big red flag
I mean, I don’t think it’s wrong for parents to use caution with people around their kids, especially with bathroom things. That being said it’s incredibly rude of your boyfriend to be so insistent about it when clearly it’s in no way a source of trauma for you.
Does your boyfriend realize that there are male daycare workers who change diapers and assist with diapering every day? Male caregivers get a bad reputation a lot of the time and I think it makes the men who want to pursue things like ECE and Elementary Education so hesitant to join the field. We need more great male role models in these types of professions though!
It sounds like your bf is being a weirdo and your uncle was being a responsible adult babysitter.
Can you imagine having a child with this man and him refusing to change diapers because he can’t imagine wiping a child’s butt without making it into something sexual. This guy has issues and they are his, not yours.
As someone who has worked with people who think like him in my field, he may not be the type of person you want to have kids around. The fact that the first thought to him was to sexual the encounter indicates that 1) he has had something sexual done to him as a child that has wounded him and 2) that wound has not closed. That means that that there is a 35% chance (according to some studies) that he could harbor laten sexual thouths about Children and by hearing you speak of what that bond that he can’t understand trigger some sort of cognitive dissonance where he can’t fathom a world where this is normal. Now, this is all speculation, but I would ask questions as to why he believes it to be sexual when the evidence shows the contrary. And why he got so triggered at you for trying to explain and defend not only your uncle but yourself as well.
People like this turn me off, I end up side eying them and thinking they’re the problem for sexualising children in situations where the children are clearly not being abused and the person being spoken about isn’t creepy/slimy/pedo/perverted. Like when they get jealous of siblings, make awful comments about a dad/brother not being immature about periods but instead knowledge about it or helpful and not making their female family(wife/sister/daughter/niece feel self conscious or bad about something natural.
Most of the time these people start projecting their own or their family issues on others when their way is/was not the mentally mature or healthy ones in those situations but want to act like their way is right. Like what was your uncle meant to do leave you with a dirty bum? You get rashes or ill?
Anyone trying to manipulate you or shout at you to make you feel bad about yourself or family is not the person to settle down with
Did your boyfriend ever have a female babysitter? What’s the difference between an 18 year old dude helping his niece wipe, and an 18 year old aunt helping her nephew wipe?
And even so, if he really and truly thought your uncle did something, your bf should be concerned, not angry. “OP, are you sure everything was on the up and up with him? Was there anything weird? That seems uncomfortable to me” is verrrrry different from what he said, which is almost accusatory. As if YOU should feel shame. And if someone gets assaulted, the shame is not theirs to feel. Bf sounds like an asshat tbh
Your boyfriend is projecting.
u/burbnbougie
Idk if you still browse reddit. This boyfriend needs to become an ex ASAP.
Usually when someone can’t imagine something happening like this and it being normal and what is expected of a caregiver, they’re uncovering that they couldn’t partake in doing that themselves within a caregiver role without viewing it as sexual or inappropriate. I am absolutely no expert but I would think on that.
Let me guess, when he becomes a father, he will refuse to change a single diaper because it’s “weird and inappropriate”.
DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS PERSON! If he cannot see a little girls vagina as nonsexual, that’s a major red flag!
Edit to add* There is nothing wrong with you or that memory OP. Sorry your boyfriend sucks!
It’s not weird. I have an uncle who went to live with my parents as a teenager because my grandma died, and he was a decade younger than my mom. He helped take care of my brothers and I when we were babies. My parents are gone now, and I’m near the age my mom was when she had me, and he was 18. My parents are gone now, but this uncle isn’t, and he is one of the best uncles ever. He dropped everything when my parents passed. My mom took care of him while juggling being a mother and a wife and working. She was his second mom, and my dad was the first father figure he had in forever (his own dad was in jail).
The fact that your boyfriend is seeing it as something sexual is frankly disturbing, and I would definitely be looking at him sideways. People who sexualize children, especially at a young age like that, are people you stay away from. There is nothing natural about looking at a child potty training and thinking along the lines of that. I also helped a cousin of mine help take care of their little brother with wiping as an older kid, and literally the only thing I thought was, “god, this is gross. I can’t wait for this to be done.”
So I would definitely be keeping my eyes completely open around this dude.
Your boyfriend is messed up. Was he abused or something as a kid? It’s no different than any other care taker watching a child. It would be weird if he left you to get a rash because he was scared to wipe you.
Somethings wrong with your boyfriend.
There is absolutely nothing sexual about wiping poop off a toddlers bum (and surrounds, that shit doesn’t stay where its supposed to). You know, unless somethings seriously wrong with you. Whats super creepy and disturbing is your boyfriend finding it sexual.
Your boyfriend is a fucking weirdo.
Nah, as an uncle who had to do the same thing with his neices, your bf is a twat. We dont want to do it, we don’t enjoy doing it (who enjoys cleaning shit off someone??) but if you’re caring for the kid, you do it. Wtf did he expect your uncle to do? Just let you marinate in your own filth until your parents got home? Cause THAT would be a problem. Tell your bf to grow up…. or ask him which family member did something to him, cause he could very well be projecting.
You’re not wrong and it sounds, from a psychological standpoint, like your boyfriend may either have been “touched” OR he’s projecting. I really hate to say it like that, but there’s no other way to say it.
Don’t feel weird. Your bf is wrong. Ive wiped my nephews butt’s and given them baths too. It’s not unheard of. Not everyone is a predator
Don’t let him project his narrative and lack of adult presence onto yours. I babysit for my nephew on the rare occasion his mom is sick and his dad is unavailable, and I would have to do this for him. I always looked at it as a chore and would sometimes jokingly tell him no bathroom until his dad gets home from work. Of course my nephew doesn’t care and we both don’t see it as anything other than a part of growing up with kids.
Sheesh tell your bf to bring it up with your uncle if he’s so pressed about it.
My guess is that he’s probably had a traumatic or at the very least a very bad experience relating to that, and that’s probably why he’s disgusted. My advice would be to talk about it to him if and when he’ll feel ready to. In the meantime let him know that whatever is the reason for his reaction you’re all ears. Communication is key
If he went to daycare or pre-K chances are a teacher also wiped his butt. Why’s he being so weird.
Why did you write this with ChatGPT? Is it even a true story?
The fact that if he were a young woman he would get no flack just goes to show your boyfriend’s internalized misogyny… that he thinks child rearing is women’s work.
Sounds like your bf is projecting. Maybe for him that would’ve been a sexualized experience.
Maybe your boyfriend is projecting?
Your bf has experienced sexual assault. Most likely during childhood. -experienced survivor
You’re not wrong. Does your bf think that kids came out of their moms, knowing how to wipe or deal with their lower bodies, which are inherently more complicated and intricate than anywhere else on their bodies? It sounds like your uncle was a good guy, especially for a teenager. *Yes*, there are perverts out there who prey on kids, but that doesn’t sound near like what happened here. Your bf needs to get over himself.
Do NOT let this man gaslight you into turning an innocent memory into something twisted and perverted and absolutely do not back down about that. It’s unacceptable regardless of the possibility of it being a trauma for him. You can be empathetic and caring while still maintaining your ground with him that what he’s doing to you is wrong. Please be very careful, and don’t write it off as just a trauma either, there’s definitely something unaddressed there and it could be dangerous. Don’t let this sit or blow over.
People who over sexualise nonsexual actions are disturbing. I feel the same way about people who get weird about parents showing their kids affection like kisses and cuddles. It’s definitely a red flag for me, it says volumes about the way they view the world that they see every interaction through a sexual lens.
This is a great example of the nature of bias. We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are. His inability to separate basic age-appropriate care for a child with an opportunity for sexual exploitation gives me pause. His insistence that there is only one way for this to be viewed is concerning.
It should be very easy for him to imagine himself caring for a vulnerable child without sexually abusing them…why wouldn’t it be just as straightforward for her uncle?
It’s often uncles, cousins, neighbors. But in your case it was NO ONE. Your bf needs to HEAR YOU. Maybe he should imagine how your uncle would feel if he knew your bf was making these allegations!
What does he think happens at daycares? They just leave the babies in the same diaper all day until their parents come pick them up?
I’m a guy. I used to babysit all the time for my younger cousins and for friends of the family as a teenager. The kids loved me and we had lots of fun. Once in a while, yeah, you’d need to help somebody out in the bathroom or give ‘em a bath. But that’s just child rearing. One day I became a dad and now have four kids. Babysitting was excellent training for me. It not only taught me skills for caring for a kid’s hygiene needs, but also that parenting could be a playground. You hear it said a lot and I’m here to confirm: guys need to be given the chance to babysit and not automatically looked at with suspicion.
Your bf has shit to unpack
This obviously isn’t the popular opinion, BUT……. As someone who did have a bad experience and knowing several others with uncle issues too, he may know it’s sadly not that uncommon!
Now it could be what many others posted about him or it could be actual concern. Talk to him.
No, you are not wrong. It does make me wonder if something happened to your boyfriend and projecting onto you. Set your boundaries and tell him drop it because of how he is making you feel. If he cant do that then he doesn’t respect your relationship.
As an uncle to two wonderful and amazing kids, as well as someone who had an uncle who was more like a father than my actual father, I don’t think you are weird or incorrect for viewing this the way you did previously. Some people abuse their power dynamic, but the vast majority of uncles do what they can to show their nieces and nephews the love they deserve.
If he refuses to accept that someone can love and care for a child without it being creepy or weird (even if that involves doing the necessary dirty work like wiping or changing diapers), I think you should rethink your decision to be with him (especially if having kids is something you’d like in the future).
He could have sexual trauma from when he was young. Before you go off half cocked with pitchforks and torches, you might sit him down and ask him. Regardless of what he says, ask yourself if you would want a family with this man. Omitt nothing. If the answer is no then move on. The wiping a child’s ass isn’t weird at all. Him freaking out over it is suspicious af…
As an uncle, this is so fucking offensive. Your boyfriend sounds like the child in need of wiping.
If your parents werent around to help you wipe and he wasnt supposed to help what were you supposed to do? Get an infection? Sit in poopy underwear?
The fact that your bf is projecting sexualization of a very normal part of childcare is ringing some alarm bells for me.
Don’t let him make you question the innocence of what happened. If anything, I’d be looking sideways at your bf wondering why he would think it would be inherently sexual if he had to look after his own niece that way.
Hi, uncle who helped raise his niece. I changed diapers, gave baths, helped wipe during potty training, and to this day give all my love to my niece. I even sang a wiping song to make going potty and cleaning up fun. She loved that song!
It would kill me if her boyfriend convinced her to question any of it. I love her as if she was my own daughter and I’m sure your uncle does too.
Your boyfriend is projecting some serious pathetic loser energy. I guess it could be some kind of unresolved trauma that he went through. That or he’s just cruel and immature.
Eww is he projecting his own personal issues?
If boyfriend doesn’t have trauma, I’d check is phone/computer because those kind of responses are only trauma or telling on themselves.
He’s sexualizing a perfectly normal part of a relationship between an adult and a small child.
That’s disgusting.
That’s break up worthy.
I get how u feel, it sounds like he’s just overthinking it and making something super normal into something weird. ur uncle was just taking care of u like any responsible adult would, and there’s nothing wrong with that. it’s also a little concerning how he’s trying to make u feel bad for something that was part of ur childhood. maybe he needs to realize not everything is sexualized, and it’s okay to have innocent memories like that. if he can’t see that, then that’s his issue, not urs.