I found out that my boyfriend (35) of a few months, has a couple of times (usually after an argument where I (34) had been harsh/indicated I was unsure of the relationship), logged into an old dating website he used to use for foreign women in a different country (no one in our area) to get a couple of likes from them to feel better/validated. I confronted him and he was honest about it and knows it was wrong and is a problem. In his mind, because there was no possible way for him to meet them, it was meaningless and just a quick fix to a bad feeling. He likes himself in general but felt guilt about it and was ashamed of it. I think it also correlated to him watching porn/in the middle of masturbation. He knows he has to change/doesn’t like this part of himself. He says he felt worse afterwards. It’s something he was doing long before we started dating. I am distraught and worry that I’ll never be able to trust him again. He never sent any messages or never replied to any of the messages many girls sent (I found the website myself) but a couple of times logged on, liked a few girls, and checked out the ones that had liked him. He’s an extremely communicative person, intelligent, caring, understanding of all my issues (I have bad anxiety/depression) and otherwise my best relationship yet. I’m very unsure what to do. I have really bad trust issues from previous relationships but a big part of me wants to help him and work through it. The other part of me is worried I’ll never look at him the same. He’s happy to let me have access to all his devices and wants to work through it. I just feel so lost but also feel this is nuanced. While I don’t feel like it’s cheating, it feels adjacent. It’s disrespectful and clearly he has some issues. It was a boundary of mine and he broke it.
TDLR: My boyfriend sought validation from random foreign woman on a dating website. No messages exchanged, just ‘likes’. Advice please!