My boyfriend (M23) and I (F23) have been together for 6 years. I like to think we’re relatively unproblematic compared to other couples. We rarely fight because whenever I bring something up that’s been bothering me, he apologizes immediately and doesn’t try to argue with me. Although it may seem good, it really isn’t. He’s great at apologizing but is so bad at trying to change. It’s almost been a year since I last posted about this in this subreddit, but he still hasn’t done much to change.
Last year I talked about how he rarely does anything romantic for me and that I wanted him to put a bit more effort into being romantic. Since then, I have probably repeatedly told him this numerous times again. Nothing seems to have changed.
We celebrated our anniversary a week ago. I wasn’t expecting a grand/expensive date, I was fine with what we had planned (we went out to eat at a mall then went back to my place to hangout for a bit). Before our anniversary, I had given him an early anniv gift referencing his favorite sitcom. I was supposed to give it to him on the day of our anniversary but he was so frustrated at work a week before and I wanted to lift up his spirits (it worked). During our anniversary, I gave him another gift referencing his favorite animated character. I honestly wasn’t expecting much as I knew he was tired from work and was preoccupied with his competition just a few days before our anniversary. But I wasn’t expecting to get absolutely nothing from him. When we met at the mall, he didn’t even say “Happy Anniversary” or compliment how I looked. I had to remind him it was our anniversary minutes into eating dinner. He smiled with this guilty look on his face then said “happy anniversary hehe” then continued eating. We paid for our meals separately then went back to my place. At my place, all we did was take a few pictures then he went home. He didn’t buy me flowers or anything. I would have been happy even if he gave me a single flower. He put a collage of our date on his story with “happy anniversary” as the caption. This frustrates me as well as he is a photographer/videographer. Even if he didn’t buy me anything for our anniversary, I would have been happy just having him put some effort into what he posted as he puts so much effort into the things he posts when it comes to his hobbies. If I’m being honest, my gifts to him were inexpensive but meaningful. If he had done the same, I would’ve been really happy. I even would’ve been happy with just a genuine handwritten letter (he knows i love letters)
I tried to suppress my disappointment and acted fine. I waited until the next time we saw each other because I thought to myself, maybe by then he’d have worked something out even though it’s late. I honestly still would have been happy even if it were a late gift/act/surprise. But he did nothing.
If it were just a normal date, I honestly wouldn’t mind…but it was our 6th anniversary. he had a whole year to plan something out, but didn’t. It just upsets me because the competition he was in a few days before our anniversary, he prepared for months. Even after a tiring day of work, he put the effort into training for this competition. Even a few days after his competition, he still diligently trains after a tiring day of work. Don’t get me wrong, I have always been 100% supportive of him when it comes to his sport. I am not asking him to sacrifice it for me, but just to put in the same amount of effort. Again, he had a whole year to plan something out, but did nothing. It just makes me feel that I am at the bottom of his priorities, that a sport means so much more to him than myself. Also, this has been an ongoing issue in our relationship for years now. I have openly communicated my frustration towards his lack of effort numerous times now, and I have gotten tired of communicating but getting nothing in return. I talked to him about it a few days ago face to face. He didn’t say anything, literally just sat there. When he left, he sent me a message saying he was an asshole for not treating me better and that he would do better, the usual shit. I am tired of it.
A few days ago I vented to my friend about this. I asked him, when breaking up isn’t an option but he also doesn’t change no matter how much you communicate your needs to him, what do you do? And my friend called me weak for thinking like that.
I have been very obviously upset at him (my bf) the past few days but he has not done anything to remedy the situation so far and has not gone to see me since I confronted him. He messages me as if everything is okay and it’s making me so upset.
Tonight, I also just found out he met a girl during his competition and that they followed each other recently. Atp, I think my emotions have piled up and that this has become the tipping point. I have him blocked right now, but I don’t know what to do.
I am so frustrated with the state of my relationship. My parents keep quiet about my relationship as they say they respect whatever makes me happy, but I know they don’t like him that much because they notice his lack of effort. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Was my friend right? Am I weak for feeling like this? What do I do, do I just let him keep treating me like this?
TL;DR my boyfriend severely lacks in putting effort into the relationship. This has been an ongoing issue for years now and I have told him how much it bothers me multiple times, but he has done nothing but apologize. Am I weak for feeling upset? What should I do?