My boyfriend and I have been together for around 3 months now. This is only my second relationship and I’m happy enough. I’d just gotten out of a 6 year relationship that drained me completely. This relationship was completely unexpected.
To keep things short, I was speaking to my ex a few days back regarding his new course at the university (just a normal chat after quite a while. It isn’t a regular thing.) I mentioned to him that I’m just sleeping all the time because of my tiredness even when I’m with my current boyfriend.
My boyfriend saw the texts. I showed it to him because there was nothing to hide. He got mad and said “yeah let him know that we just sleep all the time because you’re not exciting enough in bed. Make sure you tell him that.”
That hurt me lot as u might have expected. I’ve told him before that it’s hard for me to physically connect with someone because of my previous relationship where I felt like my personal boundaries were always pushed.
I don’t even know how to respond to this or what to do. Any advice ?
Comments
I mean, you’re showing your boyfriend you still have some sort of attachment to your ex. I am not surprised he is upset.
But you need to realize, you told your ex “I am tired even with my boyfriend”, even if you didn’t intend it to be read that way.
Put the foot on the other shoe; how would you feel if you found out your boyfriend texted his ex and said “Yeah I am bored, even with my girlfriend”.
That’s pretty wild to even communicate with your ex at all
wtf
drop this loser immediately.
Since it takes two to tango then he must not know how to push the right buttons.
You’re acting like it’s normal to tell your current bf about how you talk to your ex- are you serious!? Why you still talking to him!? Makes zero sense, I get why your bf said that; girl wake up!
Bruh, gotta say this right off the bat – your BF’s comment was plain shitty, no two ways about it. You’re dealing with your past, healing at your own pace. That’s legit and he’s gotta respect that. Don’t let him or anyone else rush you or make you feel bad for needing time to find your bearings. Relationship ain’t a race, it’s a marathon, and any dude worth the title gotta understand that. Stand your ground, don’t be afraid to lay it out for him – if he can’t handle that, IMHO, he ain’t the one for you. ✌️💯
The title of this post should be ” still have feelings for my ex and it’s ruining my relationship”
Stop talking to your ex that drained you completely.
You should cut your ex off
Why were you sharing intimate details with your ex? Why is it acceptable to be talked down like this? Two valid questions you should ponder.
It sounds like your boyfriend was hurt that you’re actively talking to your ex and he said something honest, but hurtful when he got defensive.
Things aren’t going well if he’s feeling bitter, but it sounded like he was more hurt that you’re texting your ex about your current relationship with him. Consider whether you have the energy for this new relationship. Look at this relationship holistically to figure out what’s wrong instead of blaming your new boyfriend for lashing out in a bad situation.
So, everyone makes mistakes, right? It’s only your second relationship and it’s only been what, 3 months with him? Dating etiquette isn’t a class we are taught. Most people aren’t comfortable with communicating with an ex…rightfully so. However, there’s a bigger issue here, in my opinion. The way your current responded to you is mean, degrading, immature, and an indicator of how his future temper might present itself. What should have happened was a clear, kind conversation about what happened and a mutual agreement to not violate that moving forward. Instead he jumped right to anger and insulting you. Take the lesson and move on. What will his reaction be to something more serious in the future??
You’re both kind of in the wrong. If your ex drained you so much, why are you still communicating with him, and telling him personal stuff? And your current boyfriend shouldn’t have said that, there’s other ways to convey he’s upset with the messages and/or not completely satisfied in bed.
I would say to first look inwards and figure out your attachment to the ex, then talk to your boyfriend to 1. discuss his comment bc wtf 2. see if you can come to a compromise that would satisfy both of you in bed
Icl the fact that you just got out of a six year relationship and got into a new one and you’re STILL talking to ur ex is very telling…
No, your boyfriend is clearly upset that you are still attached to your ex and speaking to him in a way that’s not really normal – you mentioning your boyfriend was unnecessary. Why are you still talking to your ex like normal if you’ve moved on and you’re also saying he crossed boundaries with you? I would be annoyed too and probably say something offensive bc what you did is a slap in the face.
I would apologise to him for that and show him you’re sorry with changed behaviour – i.e. stop speaking to your ex
Tbf it sounds like you’re boring in bed if you always felt like boundaries are pushed, now your current bf is saying you’re boring in bed. Sounds like you’re very vanilla to the extent your ex always had to feel like he had to push you to do anything remotely fun and your current bf is saying you’re boring.
Such a toxic response. Some women are hopeless.
Hey look at me texting this guy I used to fuck that’ll make you feel fine right?
Like come on… Harmless in your eyes but if I was in the dudes shoes I wouldn’t like it. The bed comment is a bit much but that likely him lashing out from being hurt
Why are you in a new relationship when you’re still talking to your ex? I don’t blame him. I’d probably react the same way if I was in his position
Honestly he got upset that you were talking to your ex about it. It makes him feel like you’re talking to your previous man about how boring and exhausting your current life and relationship is. He’s just saying that to hurt you like you hurt him. If I was you I would first not contact my ex anymore, just as a general rule not specific to this situation, and then sitdown with him and establish that you’re happy (or not happy) and talk about what each of you want going forward. Your bf seems sensitive but this action and your lack of understanding his defensiveness is pretty insensitive.
Just imagine he texted his ex of 6 years how boring his life is even when hes with you. It would really hurt
Why tf are you even talking to your ex about anything? You’re weird asf. Hopefully your boyfriend dumps you.