I’m 26F, been with my boyfriend (28M) for almost 4 years. We’ve always been monogamous and talked about marriage someday.
Last week he suddenly brought up wanting to “explore an open relationship,” saying it might make us stronger and he feels like he’s missing out.
I feel crushed. I thought we were enough for each other.
He says he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but I can’t stop thinking: if I say yes, am I just postponing the breakup?
Has anyone made this work without growing to resent each other?
My boyfriend wants an open relationship out of nowhere
r/Advice
Comments
Real quick find a guy ànd let’s see if he is serious. Íts só much easier for the ladies!
He doesn’t want an open relationship, he just wants to be single with a guaranteed reentry to a relationship.
I am sorry about this, but that guy isn’t worth your time anymore
If you don’t feel on board, don’t agree to it. Have a discussion about it on why he brought this up and if there’s someone he has his minds on already. If his answers are shaky or he avoids the questions, this relationship may be on its final leg and agreeing to an open relationship isn’t going to help.
He’s looking for cake and eat it to. He wants to venture off and come back. Unless he has a lot of money and rizz he isn’t doing anything.
Id tell em okay. Then just start going on a fuck spree at least 6:1. Make it hurt a bit like he hurt you. Tell em you’re busy tonight with Mike or something. We can hang tomorrow night.
Doesn’t even have to be real just fake it. He’s a dumb dumb but we all were at that point.
It might make your relationship stronger?! What a douche. Lose him.
He doesn’t want an open relationship. He wants a license to cheat with no consequences.
If you agree, he will fuck other girls. And put you at risk for STD’s. Can you handle that?
He can ask for whatever he wants, but almost certainly he is not straight with you. He probably firmly believed an open relationship means he can f….around and you will be waiting for him. As others have suggested, the moment you make arrangements to go out with a guy the dynamics will switch. A genuinely open relationship is super hard work. It would require a lot to set up and maintain. It’s also not for everyone.
Hello! I would highly recommend that you do not pursue an open relationship with your boyfriend. Usually when a partner brings up the idea of exploring an open relationship, it’s always because that partner has grown tired of the relationship, has fallen out of love for you, or has developed feelings with someone else. I recommend that you have a serious conversation with him and share your true feelings about how you feel on the issue and share with him that you’re not comfortable with this in a relationship and see how he reacts. If he still wants the relationship to be open, then I think the best thing to do would be to break up with him. Even if you do say yes, I can tell based on your post that it’s not something you are comfortable with in a relationship and so if you do say yes, I think you’ll start to (intentionally or not) develop bitter feelings towards him and the relationship will become toxic. Hope this helps!
Your boyfriend told you he wanted to end your monogamous relationship so he could fuck other women, and that he believed him fucking around would strengthen your relationship with him.
And he had the absolute gall to tell you “he loves you and doesn’t want to lose you,” when what he really meant was “I want to keep on fucking you, too, so I’ll try hard not to give you a sexually transmitted disease or get anybody pregnant.”
You know, it’s completely acceptable for you to be furious and deeply offended that he did not think this would not hurt you deeply.
Or that he did not think it would completely change the way you saw him. And that he was permanently altering, and perhaps ending your relationship.
When someone makes this request, they often already have another sex partner lined up. Sometimes they’ve already had sex with them and are asking for your permission after the fact.
Because if you agreed to this, he would not have to confess or feel guilty about already cheating on you.
If you break up with him, tell the truth when people ask Why.
Don’t keep it a secret and do not protect him. Do not let his shame become your shame.
Tell everyone.
This is out of nowhere for you but it definitely isn’t for him. He’s been thinking about this for a while and maybe even testing the water. He probably already has someone in mind. He’s including you so that he doesn’t look like a cheater. He wants to make sure to keep you. It’s okay for him to want what he wants but it’s not okay to try to drag you into it under the guise of strengthening your relationship. How does him sticking his penis into other vaginas strengthen your connection? He doesn’t mind if you’re with other guys? If you’re into this, then great, but please don’t do it to make him happy or to keep him. This isn’t an idea that is going to just leave his mind.
“He says he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but I can’t stop thinking: if I say yes, am I just postponing the breakup?”
He doesn’t love you, he wants to fuck other women and thinks you’re dumb enough to let him do it.
He already has a cheating partner.
Open the door, throw his a* out !! Tell him you’re not a fcking doormat and if he wants to who*e around he can do it while he’s single. Then shut the door in his face! 🚪 ✌🏻 💨
Sounds to me like he cheated and by you agreeing to an open relationship this could ease his conscience. Dump the man and find someone trustworthy and who will commit to a one person relationship.
If you don’t want it, then break up. Dont accept terms that you don’t want. You need to be strong with your boundaries.
And honestly, it sounds like your relationship ended the moment he decided he wants this. If you were talking about marriage and he suddenly brings this up, he doesn’t love you. He wants permission to look around but have a backup. Have enough respect for yourself to not be the back up.
He wants a license to cheat. Congratulations.
I’m sorry. That would be a very painful thing to hear if you were not aligned. Personally, that would be a hard deal breaker for me. Even if not explored, knowing that my intended life partner had a desire to sleep with other people would be very misaligned with what I am seeking. Only you can decide if this awareness is your dealbreaker. Be prepared that people may be all over the place so be true to your heart and be prepared that others may not agree. Ultimately it is your relationship and believed future marriage and no one else’s.
He wants his cake and eat it too!! He wants you to stick around whilst he gets to date/sleep with other people.
You need someone who’s going to respect you and take the thought of marriage seriously!
He likely has someone else he’s been seeing or ready to start seeing. Doubtful it’s an exploring event, time to find something new yourself.
He want yo cheat and has options. Be strong if this is not what you want. Break up. Let him move on. You move on.
He wants to hookup with other people and have a guaranteed backup, which is yoh.
Probably already cheated.
What a cowardly way to say he wants to breakup.
He’s got someone lined up. It doesn’t work if you didn’t go into the relationship this way. These relationships, in my experience, only work when both went into it with the intention to have an open relationship.
You are in a precarious situation and you need to shut down this talk or you will not be with him eventually
Here is how you define the “open relationship” to him. 1. Open front door. 2. Kick him out. 3. Bf is now open to do whatever he wants. Just not with you!
How would you objectively rate each of you? For example, is he an 8 and you’re a 6 (or reversed)?
One of my ex’s took me to his friend’ house. The feeling between the two of them and myself was really off. When we left his house, he told me he wanted to have a threesome. I told him I have a tendency of falling for the guys I have sex with. Turns out he used to do this with his previous ex’s too.
You should say OK and then break up with him
IF you do not want this and know that its best to say it outright. He needs to then decide does he want you and no one else or go date others. Don’t say yes out of fear of losing him. He is already doing this guaranteed.
He wants your permission to cheat on you and come back if it doesn’t work out.
I would tell him to go ahead and get into another relationship because your relationship is over.
Ask him if the open relationship involves you being with another Man?
He wants to sleep around and when he can’t find anyone better he wants to commit to you.
Don’t let him.
Thing is he’ll probably really struggle to find anyone while you will flourish.
Don’t waste your energy on someone who doesn’t respect you
>Last week he suddenly brought up wanting to “explore an open relationship,” saying it might make us stronger and he feels like he’s missing out.
He’s either met someone and he wants to ask them out or he wants to stop hiding an existing relationship. No one, male or female. honestly wanting to explore different relationship styles with their partner drops the bomb like this. They usually seek out books or podcasts about the topic. They want to learn a little more about what they’re feeling because it sounds scary. There is a LOT of social backlash you face when you come out as wanting something other than a traditional monogamous escalator romance pattern. Heck, people who don’t want to get married or have kids face a huge amount of backlash even if they’re deeply monogamous. Then there is the statiscally unlikely chance you’ll meet someone who will also be happy outside a monogamous relationship. Most people want monogamy to be happy. If you cannot offer them that sort of relationship, they will not want to date you. Even people who say they will be happpy with that sort of relationship are quite likely to change their minds once their “wild oats” have beeb sown. You’re a lot more likely to remain single if you want an open relationship structure. Someone who is thinking they are not monogamous will want to learn as much as they can before they blow up their lives.
People who drop these intimacy bombs are not concerned about their relationship style. They know they will eventually be happy in a commited monogamous relationship. What they want is sex with different partners. They want the freedom to have lots of sex until they decide it’s time to stop that part of their life.
>Has anyone made this work without growing to resent each other?
Honestly, no. I have never met a couple who are in a successful alternative relationship structure who started with one partner feeling like they were pulled into it. It just doesn’t work. The reluctant partner will feel like they are sacrificing their own happiness for the happiness of their partner. That will slowly poison the feeling of intimacy and trust. All you’d be doing is delaying the break up and significantly increasing your emotional pain,
Please get yourself tested.
It won’t work unless both of you set a lot of boundaries and you are both 100% over the moon excited and wanting to do it. Other wise your right it will destroy your relationship. Seeing him walk out the door to have sex with another girl will probably destroy you. Don’t do it unless you’re really into it. I don’t get the impression you are. Chances are he had someone in mind asking you if he can cheat with no consequences.
He already has someone on the side. Get tested.
He has already found someone he wants to sleep with that’s why he’s playing the open relationship BS. What I would do is agree and start dating other guys bc he’s going to not like that and when he gets all pissy that his plan didn’t work in his favour bye bitch I can’t deal with your drama that you created. Most men don’t want the girl to have the open relationship or when they ask for the threesome they don’t actually want 2 guys they only want to 2 girls. So either play the game or move on bc he just wants to screw around with other women. Cheating with permission so to speak.
Just a guess, but I suspect it’s already “open”. You just haven’t caught him being “open”.
I would tell him the door is open, soon as he’s on the other side he can have all the open relations he wants – without you.