I’m 19F, and I just finished my first year of university. My boyfriend and I live in the same area and go to the same university. The university we go to is about 4-5 hours away from where we live. I met him in September and we’ve been dating for 5 months now.
Since school just ended, I went back home, while my boyfriend is going to be staying in a place nearby the university. We might visit each other occasionally, but we both have jobs so it probably won’t happen often.
The other day, he said his mom called him and somehow the conversation lead to our relationship. His mom suggested that since we would be doing long distance over the summer, we should stay committed to each other but also start seeing different people. She said it’s bad to be with the same person all your life and it’s important to experiment with other people. He dated one girl in high school for a little bit, and had a girl he would hook up with in the summer before we met, so it’s not like I’m his only experience.
Thankfully, he said he didn’t like that idea at all, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Do you think his mom doesn’t like me or something? I’ve never even met her. His parents are divorced, and now remarried, but I’m not sure if that matters.
Personally, I was raised religious, and even though I am no longer religious, I still believe in monogamy and am not a fan of hook up culture. I just find it very hard to imagine my parents telling me that I should be in an open relationship. It just doesn’t seem like an appropriate thing for a parent to say? But then again, I grew up with very religious parents.
Maybe I am overthinking, but I am worried if we ever do become super serious, his mom would resent me for not letting him experiment with other people. I just feel like it’s not normal to be this invested in your child’s bedroom life? But then again, she could just be offering advice. I just hope she drops it, because I am not okay with an open relationship at all. I just can’t stop thinking about it, and I’m kinda worried that he might eventually agree even though that doesn’t sound like him at all.
TL;DR: My boyfriend’s mom thinks we should open our relationship because we will be long distance over the summer.
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Backup of the post’s body: I’m 19F, and I just finished my first year of university. My boyfriend and I live in the same area and go to the same university. The university we go to is about 4-5 hours away from where we live. I met him in September and we’ve been dating for 5 months now.
Since school just ended, I went back home, while my boyfriend is going to be staying in a place nearby the university. We might visit each other occasionally, but we both have jobs so it probably won’t happen often.
The other day, he said his mom called him and somehow the conversation lead to our relationship. His mom suggested that since we would be doing long distance over the summer, we should stay committed to each other but also start seeing different people. She said it’s bad to be with the same person all your life and it’s important to experiment with other people. He dated one girl in high school for a little bit, and had a girl he would hook up with in the summer before we met, so it’s not like I’m his only experience.
Thankfully, he said he didn’t like that idea at all, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Do you think his mom doesn’t like me or something? I’ve never even met her. His parents are divorced, and now remarried, but I’m not sure if that matters.
Personally, I was raised religious, and even though I am no longer religious, I still believe in monogamy and am not a fan of hook up culture. I just find it very hard to imagine my parents telling me that I should be in an open relationship. It just doesn’t seem like an appropriate thing for a parent to say? But then again, I grew up with very religious parents.
Maybe I am overthinking, but I am worried if we ever do become super serious, his mom would resent me for not letting him experiment with other people. I just feel like it’s not normal to be this invested in your child’s bedroom life? But then again, she could just be offering advice. I just hope she drops it, because I am not okay with an open relationship at all. I just can’t stop thinking about it, and I’m kinda worried that he might eventually agree even though that doesn’t sound like him at all.
TL;DR: My boyfriend’s mom thinks we should open our relationship because we will be long distance over the summer.
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No.
His mom never said that.
It’s HIS idea.
No that’s definitely weird. It’s weird that she even is wondering and worried about his sex life. But don’t let what she thinks of you get in the way of your relationship
No. That’s extremely inappropriate. Huge red flag for what his family is like. She’s trying to break you up and/or sexualizing her son in a very weird way. She wants him to be playing the field for some reason? You two should avoid her and avoid giving her information.
Either he wants to see other other people and he’s using his mom as an excuse or she doesn’t l like you.
It’s very possible she doesn’t like you.
It’s also possible that she just does want him rushing into marriage in college, given your ages. Younger marriages are more common in religious families
Have you talked about marriage at all? (Yes I know you’ve only been together for 5mos). If so, he might have relayed this to his mom
Also, Is your bf’s family religious?
It really depends on how the conversation was brought up. If he was talking about some girl he met or about partying with friends, if he said to her that he was afraid that you can meet someone, his mom might suggest an open relationship so you can both stay commited to each other without cheating on each other. Was he asking relationship advice to his mom about the struggles of a long distance relationship?
You need to also analyse how the conversation was brought up to you. Was he testing the waters? Did you make a shocked “what” before he quickly said that he wasn’t interested?
For the part of “what parent is interested in his child bedroom activities”, it really depends on the family. For my parents it’s really taboo, not something they discuss, not something they acknowledge. But I don’t have the intention to be like that with my kid. There won’t be any taboo and she will be the one to put boundaries in what she’s willing to discuss with me. I don’t see a real problem with him discussing this things with his mom, maybe because I know the struggles of living without that kind of support.
I think if you start seeing anyone, your boyfriend will get upset. I think he wants to hook up with other people without being accused of cheating, but he wants you to stay committed to him. I think he’s lying to you; this is what he wants and he’s using his mom as a cover.
Unless he and his mother discuss EVERYTHING, like rash on his balls, wet dreams etc, then this isn’t coming from her. This is BF testing the waters. The reason I know this is because if I was BF, I never would have mentioned this to anyone because it’s just creepy.
I suspect she said something like “long distance relationships are hard and you’re very young to make that kind of commitment, are you sure you don’t want to see other people?”
And he’s taken it to mean an open relationship rather than her trying to tactfully point out that long distance relationships are often a bad idea and maybe she thinks you’re too young to be in a commited relationship.
A lot of people, especially those who stayed with their first partner or first serious partner for a long time, if it ended badly, will advise against getting too serious at a young age.
I doubt she really meant an open relationship in the way your boyfriend interpreted it. She meant take a break or break up based on age and distance.
Obviously it’s up to you what you do from here, but I would be very suspicious of any partner who even suggested an open relationship because it’s not what I personally would want.
1000% this is his idea and said this to gauge OP’s reaction
If her point was that you are both too young to be locking yourselves down at this time and that it is okay to casually date other people that would make sense from a divorced person’s prospective (my parents married at 18 & 19 respectively and dad eventually cheated – they stuck together but it was a whole heck of a mess). I dated quite a lot (from age 15 to 21) before I met my husband and we both still dated other people for the first year we were dating, after a year we became exclusive and did not get engaged until 3 years into the relationship
At 19. if it was him, he has checked out on you.
If it was his Mom. WTHeck
Ditch the idiot and don’t look back
Even if his mom said that, why would he ever share that with you?
I wonder if she had some regrets about a time when she was your age and felt she missed opportunities because of a relationship.
My best advice is to throw this one back and stay single for as long as possible. Focus on building the life you want, then consider adding someone else to it. You’re already being put in a position of compromising what you want for someone else’s comfort.
That said, if for some reason you do want to stay in this relationship, call his mother and ask why she believes your sex life is hers to dictate. Chances are, she never said it, and your boyfriend is lying to you.