Hi guys, grab your popcorn and buckle up for this. I am seriously in a standstill with this. I, 20 yr old female, and my boyfriend, 21 yr old male, have been in a relationship for about a year and a half. Although it has only been a year and a half of dating, we were “romantically talking” for about two years before starting to date and basically acted like a couple. We have absolutely no real issues in our relationship. Yes, we have the casual fights here and there but we have yet to have a serious issue in our relationship that isn’t healthy or normal. We communicate amazingly, we keep each other higher up on the priority list, we do dates (in and out), we have boundaries set, and we talk about things openly when a problem originally brews to avoid it building up. I love him very much and he feels the same way. We have seriously built our relationship piece by piece, and I know we are young so please don’t say that, but it truly feels like this is right and our future. The only, and ONLY, issue we have is his family. Not even his whole family but just his parents. They are Greek Orthodox and religious while I am Christian orthodox, but don’t keep up with it too much anymore due to college and work. My boyfriend has asked them multiple times if they don’t like me because of me being Italian and not greek. Every time they have replied with “no, that isn’t the issue”. Unfortunately, I met my boyfriend at work. And his parents were my…bosses. I know, I know, not good. But I have stopped working there and my boyfriend was only a seasonal worker so me and him barely worked together. We always were respectful and kept the relationship friend-like especially at work just to make sure nobody claimed it was “too much”. His parents didn’t like the idea of him dating an employee due to them seeing previous work relationships end bad. I have always been very respectful and understanding of everyone’s feelings. I never once did anything weird or any pda at work but I was sick of the toxic manager and that’s why I left. Apparently the manager, who is a 35 year old grown woman, has been talking to my boyfriend’s mom at my old job claiming I said things I never said. The lies from the manager sprout from over two years ago, she is a pathaoligcal liar. My siblings have both been working there with me along with my best friend and NOBODY can deal with her shitty lies. So now my boyfriend’s family thinks I lie about certain things when truly I suck at lying and cannot lie for the life of me. I have told them multiple times that this manager isn’t honest and is lazy at work. They don’t believe me no matter what. Since my boyfriend lives an hour away at his college, he visits some weekends to see his parents. When he gets home, they scream at him, telling him they will never support us, that they want him to break up with me, and that they can’t look at him the same. He has dealt with the yelling for years now, originating from when we were starting to “talk romantically”. He is now so mentally drained from hearing his parents hate this especially when one of his main priorities is family. I know none of this is my fault because I have gone above and beyond to make it clear to my boyfriend that I don’t want him to choose sides. But it’s weighing on my boyfriend so badly and it makes me really upset to see. He wishes his family would approve of this while I wish they would treat him like their son. He recently brought up breaking up and thinking it might have to happen. I asked him “is this what you want?” and he said “no not one bit”. I decided that I wanted to reach out to the family to try and mend some things. I texted the mom a giant message consisting of a few topics. One was me stating that I am not a liar, two was me saying how much I love and appreciate her son, three was me telling her that they miss a lot of the relationship and don’t know how it actually is (I have never been to their house or hangout with the parents outside of my previous job, he has only been to my house), four was me ending off by asking for their support to their son, not to our relationship and for them to give him some grace. This message was actually read by his mom, but never answered. I sent it 25 hours ago exactly and no response. I now feel so stupid for sending the message even though my boyfriend approved of it and thought it was a good idea. Somewhere in this story, is his brother, his brother and I were friends when me and my current boyfriend started talking. He and I went to the same college and occasionally grabbed food together and did homework. He didn’t hate the relationship until his parents started openly hating it. He and I were friends for a few months then enemies then friends and now were back to enemies as of a year ago. It sucks feeling like I am the problem when I know I haven’t done anything wrong. I treat my boyfriend like a king, I drive to see him at school, I plan dates and even emotionally support him since he is balancing a lot. He has managed to get into his last semester of college, get a full-time job from the internship he just finished, is planning on getting a new car, and much more. He is a very successful individual. All by himself! I just believe that we are so compatible together and I really want him in my future. But ever since a few days ago when he brought up breaking up, there has been an anxious pit in my stomach. I don’t wanna do anything until I get this figured out because me and my boyfriend are at a standstill. And I honestly feel horrible for him. He is the most beautiful person inside and out and is unfortunately a heavy people pleaser. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone but he also can’t lose us both. Where do I even go from here? What do I do? Literally an advice is appreciated. I know family is important but I feel like his family manipulating him and making him feel so bad for being happy is so unhealthy for him and as a whole. I need this fixed because me and this guy have grown together and matured together so well. I can’t imagine letting us go or even moving forward with anyone else:(
Let me know if you guys have any thoughts. Also so so so sorry for how long this was (this wasn’t even all the crazy details).
Comments
The message you sent his Mom was a little odd. Telling her to support her son? Honestly, she doesn’t even know you, she’s not going to appreciate getting parenting advice from you. And saying you’re not a liar is unfortunately useless, any liar would say the same thing. And they know your ex boss, they have worked with her for years, you should stop talking bad about her. Just makes you look bad.
I would suggest that you ask to meet them. Let them actually get to know you. Don’t lecture them about how they should treat their son, don’t overly defend yourself about previous false accusations: just let them get to know the actual you, and see you with your bf, hopefully notice how well you get on.
If your bf won’t invite you, that’s not a great sign. He is going to make his own decisions here. You don’t have full control over what he decides. Best of luck.
There’s a lot of word salad here without giving much of what you want advice on.
First don’t date anyone you work with or their parents are your boss. Bad idea all around.
They don’t like you because you’re culturally different. How does he feel about that? Seems like he loves and accepts you. If they never do, would you stay with him? What does the next 10 years look like to you? What if you have children? How do you see them as grandparents or In Laws?
You’re young enough you don’t have to settle for someone that your views don’t align with or have family make you unhappy.