My boyfriend’s female friend has terrible boundaries and is sexually inappropriate. She also had a brain injury that allegedly caused her to change into that. I don’t know how to navigate this weirdness.

So long story shortish, my boyfriend has a single, female friend who is his age. They “almost got together” one summer, but I guess they never actually slept together so he thought all was fine. I’ve always been uncomfy with her because… idk I guess in my mind “pretty much dated but never had sex” is still kind of weird to have as a best friend that you let sleep over. If she was appropriate, I wouldn’t care, but she loves being naked, posting topless pics of herself, and showing off her body. I asked him to his face if he’s seen her naked, which he said no, so I let it go. Then she asked him to stay at our house over a holiday while she was visiting, making it sound like the tickets were bought and she just needed a crash pad. He said yes which killed me, so I was like “fine, but you need to get concrete dates from her. I don’t want to spend my entire holiday mentally preparing for her to show up at any random minute.” She DRAGGED her feet for three weeks, being weird and wishy wash. I finally said put her on speaker, I want to understand. It was WEIRD. Long pregnant pauses after he asks, “when do you get here, when do you leave?” She baby voiced to him about “realllyyyyy want to beeee there. Would loooove to see you. Don’t wanna miss out, just gonna be so pricey to get there, teehee Do you want me there?” She hung up and I looked at him and said plainly that it’s really weird when she won’t buy plane tickets or give us the date that she arrives. It’s really weird that she wants you to really want her here, when it’s just supposed to be a crash pad, and it’s really weird that she’s started heavily hinting that she can’t afford to come and wants you to buy her way. She texted him later with the stupid ass “You still want me to come right? Is it okay if I just give you no dates and no plan, and just maybe show up, maybe don’t? 😉 ” And he just said the couch was going to be offered to someone else who had actually bought their tickets, so find a different friend to crash with if you do come.

Then all the other mutual friend arrived for the holiday weekend, and started asking what was happening with the single friend, because they were very confused. She literally was going to people’s houses and telling them that he was begging her to come down, and how badly he wanted her to be staying with him and his girlfriend. My boyfriend asked one of them what was wrong with her and why she was acting so weird. That’s when it came out that she has brain damage from a head injury, and when she woke up, she was hypersexual and disinhibited. She now enjoys getting naked randomly on camping trips with other people, and gives other women’s husbands naked hugs because she doesn’t have a real concept of healthy boundaries left. They said it would have been a very bad thing for everyone involved if she had stayed with us, because she is friend’s with most of the wives of the guys she’s done that too, and they’re more understanding and cool about it. Well I guess I’m not as “cool girl” as the other women in this friend group, because I would kick her fucking teeth in if had come into my home and done that. She would find herself naked, outside in the dust, with a second bump on her head.

Now I just feel a little weird about his single female friends. I don’t like toxic shit like that, but I can’t help but think about my friend group and what we would just NEVER do to each other or each other’s partners. I think about what I would never do to any woman, regardless of who their partner was to me. Is it normal to have a lot of single friends of the opposite sex? He has other female friends that are married and he’s friend’s with that couple as a unit, and I think they’re really lovely. I hate and am exhausted by the concept of being the friend police, but this isn’t even the first single female friend that has been inappropriate when she thought I wouldn’t find out. I already had to ask him to hold one of his female bartender friends at arms length, because she liked getting him drunk and going home with him to “cook a meal” in our kitchen. After she served him until he blacked out one night, she took him home from the bar, PUT HIM IN OUR BED AND TOOK HIS PANTS OFF. He woke up all upset and disturbed. He knew someone had been in the house and undressed him, because he knew he wouldn’t have even take his shoes off before crashing in bed if he was that drunk. He went down to her bar that day and asked her what she did, then he called her “fucking creepy” in front of all of her patrons, which… good. I hope she was embarrassed. I was literally stuck at a 12 hour night shift. It’d been the first night in forever that he went out without me, and she knew I wouldn’t be home when she teste his autopilot as a confidence booster. She should have felt embarrassed. But yeah, it was bad. So bad I knew he’d yelled at her and knew that we weren’t drinking at that bar anymore, but I didn’t even know the details until a couple weeks later when he had some distance from it and talked about it with me. I wasn’t mad at him. Like, I pointed out if I went to a male friend’s bartending shift, was overserved to the point of blacking out, and then woke up to realize he pulled my pants off, there would be a police report. And I would absolute expect him to believe me. I hold that same energy for him. So, I don’t blame him for it, but I see his lack of pattern recognition in what these “friends” are doing and what they want from him. I keep saying “those aren’t your friends, dude. A friend would never do that.” Idk… advice is needed. I don’t think there’s much I can do except point out the oncoming train wreck and bite back the “I told you so’s” when history repeats itself. I just wish he’d wake up a little bit. I’m so aware of when a guy is violating my boundaries. But then… That why my only male friends are gay. I just wish he would flex his imagination a little bit. I don’t want to be being the insecure, jealous partner until I’m proven right. I wish he would see what seems so obvious to me so early, and not get himself in so deep into the situations. Idk if that’s just asking him to develop a skill he doesn’t have or not, but I hate the thought of being the negative bitch like, “Oh she wants you. You shouldn’t be her friend, I can tell.” Like, I want him to have better discernment.