My BF (M20) and I (F20) have been together for 3 years and his friend (M20) keeps telling me to kill myself as a joke. A couple months ago there was one incident when I was at work and slipped away to use the bathroom and text my bf. I then received a message from my bf telling me to kill myself. He told me that his phone was connected to the car while he was driving and his friend was sitting next to him and used the siri voice thing to say “kill yourself” over message. I did not think this was funny in the slightest as I’d been having a hard shift at work and I have struggled with mental health issues in the past to which my bf is aware of. He got his friend to apologise to me which was half hearted to say the least but I accepted it. There has been times where he would say “die” and I would just try to ignore it but tonight was kind of my breaking point. My Bf and his friend play roblox and I saw they were both active so I joined their game. As soon as I joined his friend told me to die in the chat but he tried to turn it into something else like “dye” and “dye the water” because they were playing a game about water selling water (idk what he was talking about tbh). I expressed to my bf I was upset about him telling me to die again and he goes “not this again” and said “he’s joking”. Admittedly I said some stuff back to his friend on the chat but not in the same severity like he said to me just like like how he was ugly because I wasn’t just going to accept someone talking to me like that. I don’t want to feel like I’m being too sensitive about this but it keeps happening over and over and the bit that hurts the most is that my bf will not stick up for me because this is his only friend and he doesn’t want to lose him. I can understand that he is in a tricky position between his friend and his gf and doesn’t want to upset anyone. However, I feel it’s getting to the point where him telling me to kill myself or die is just going to be a normal thing and I’m just going to have to accept it. What’s the best way to navigate this situation?
My boyfriend’s friend keeps telling me to die or kill myself as a joke and it’s lowkey starting to affect me.
r/Advice
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That’s messed up:(
Im guilty of using that phrase a lot with my friends, but because we are all okay with it.
If you are not okay with it, he should stop saying it. Simple as.
Its not a nice phrase at all, and joke or not, words definitely affect some people. Call it out next time, plainly, and don’t let them twist it to act like ur overreacting.
“You need to stop saying that. I don’t find it funny, I find it gross and hurtful, whatever your intentions.”
Its their choice if they respect your wishes or drive you away by their actions.
Hey OP.
Mental health is serious. When you’re young it doesn’t feel this way but it’s possibly the most important time to work on it. Tell your boyfriend, in no uncertain terms, that you aren’t willing to be told by his friend or anyone that you should hurt yourself. Ever. If he can’t accept that or if he keeps having his friend around and he does it, leave him. I promise you he will not be happy with the friend that destroys his relationship over a joke that’s not funny.
just either ask your bf to just say “hey shes uncomfortable” to his friend or tell him yourself. or ignore him. it’s not like him thinking it’s funny to say “die” to people will make you suddenly combust and die
edit: your bf should grow a pair of balls and tell him you don’t like it. it’s not the end of the world to tell a friend you don’t like a joke. he’s a coward and has no backbone
Your boyfriend’s friend is displaying some sociopathic symptoms. Do you really want to spend any more time with someone who condones that?
The longer you stay with your boyfriend and his toxic friend, the worse you’re going to find your own anxieties and depression.
At your age, no relationship is worth mental torture.
It’s ok to set boundaries and be clear to your bf how these comments are making you feel. If he continues I’d tell your bf you have no interest being in the same place together anymore. It’s not ok for him to keep doing that and for your bf to cover for him is also not ok. Theres not much you can do to hold the friend accountable but if you’re going to keep being subjected to that when you’re with your bf that’s where you can draw the line and say enough is enough. It’s not joking when it affects someone like that. It’s not funny.
That is soo messed up & I’m so sorry!! 😞my heart hurts for you
Repeat it back to the fukker every time they say it; with the caveat they’d be too much of a pussY to go through with it.
That’s too young to be in a long term with this guy and his friend group. ditch them
Maybe find a bf that actually stands up for you and your mental health instead of letting his friend get away with it
There is seriously something wrong with someone who actually says that in a joking kind of way.
Not only immature but fucked up either tell your boyfriend to make sure they don’t do shit like that anymore and set that boundary because if he’s too scared to call out his friends for telling his girlfriend to kill herself then think about what else he might be scared to speak up about
This kind of thing isn’t a joke mental health issues or no. If he can’t accept that it isn’t a joke it’s time to find a man that understands that already.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Your boyfriend’s response to you clearly communicating being understandably upset about his friend telling you to die was “not this again” and “he’s joking”. Your boyfriend sees your feelings as a bothersome inconvenience despite knowing your mental health struggles and has asked you to accept being mistreated. You deserve better. Best wishes.
Your (hopefully future ex) boyfriend should not ever have to be asked to defend you, EVER.
Suggesting someone end their life is not and has never been funny and should not be taken as a “joke”.
Your mental health matters far more than either of their feelings or hesitations/insecurities. But is this worth addressing further with either of them?
Personally, this would be a deal breaker for me. I think it’s disgusting and immature that “friend” or anyone else ever “jokes” about this. People have ended their lives because they were told to. Nobody knows what anyone else is going through and that could send someone who’s at the end of their rope & on the edge, over. Anyone using this as a “joke” should be met with shame for their incredibly low emotional intelligence and cruel bullying tactics.
You’re not his parent and clearly his parents have failed him as nobody in their right mind would say this to another human being in jest. The fact that your (hopefully future ex) BF doesn’t put him in his place nor defends you, and continues to tolerate this behaviour knowing it hurts you and then gaslights you into even contemplating if you’re in the right/wrong about how you feel is very concerning, to say the least. Please consider walking away from this toxic scenario. You’ll never win in this.
Why is this friend still his friend?
Get away from both of them it’s unacceptable you’re too mature and empathetic to be dealing with people like that, it’s not funny there’s no excuses that make it funny.
Your boyfriend needs to manage his friends attitudes better….
If your partners ONLY friend is a terrible person then chances are he is too, bird of a feather and all that