Since I’ve been with my boyfriend, he’s always enjoyed liking sexual posts of women online. He saves pictures of women, and I’ve lost count of the Only Fans women he’s lusted over. I consider myself sexually open-minded, in fact, I have quite a few kinks and fantasies of my own (that he doesn’t know about because he doesn’t bother to explore, I’ll get into that in a bit) but his obsession with women is a turn-off for me. To me, it’s starting to seem like a borderline addiction since he can’t stop doing it. The problem is, he’s not satisfying me and seems to lack curiosity when it comes to my needs. He doesn’t seem to know how to approach a woman and get her in the mood. When I’ve brought it up in the past, I’ve tried to frame it so he doesn’t feel attacked and I use my insecurities as the main reason it makes me uncomfy but in reality, I’m just not satisfied. I want a partner that I can explore and have fun together…not just sneaking off hunched over a screen constantly. It just feels a bit sad and lonely for me. I really love him so it’s hard to get my head around it but the more time goes the less attracted I feel toward him because of it and I hate it. I wish I was the type of person who isn’t bothered by this kind of stuff.
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He sounds addicted and isn’t giving you what you need. He’s selfish and doesn’t deserve a gf.
Why are you with him?
It’s been like this for 2 years!!!!???
I don’t mean to be dismissive but he’s absolutely not worth your stress. Please the sooner you accept this the better. A quote I live by is “when you remember the love also remember the disrespect”. Because that’s exactly what it is, blatant disrespect. You deserve much better than this. Please dump him.
Both yall give me that, a gooner and a person that uses that word?? Yall both piss me off 😂
Have you talked to him about it? Sometimes people don’t realize how their behavior on social media impacts real life.
For example, I’m (M33) ) married and about 6 years ago I used to like girls that I knew pics on IG. Nothing over the top sexual, but a lot of the girls would post pics in short shorts/skirts or pics with a decent amount of cleavage showing. My wife talked to me about how she was not ok with me liking these pics. At first I didn’t understand and said “It’s just a double tap on my phone and I keep scrolling, I’m not messaging these girls or commenting on the pics.”
She changed my mind with two questions.
First thing she asked me was, “How does it look when a married man with two young children is liking pictures of these girls?”
Second question was ” How would you feel if I, a married woman with two young children, was going around liking pics of shirtless guys showing off the bulge in their pants?”
The first question made me realize that it isn’t just a “like”. By liking these pics, I could be making these girls think I like them more than my wife, making other people think I like them more than my wife and most importantly, I could be making my wife think I like these girls more than my wife. The second question just made me realize I would not like her doing it, so I shouldn’t be doing it. Simple rule in any relationship.
Try to talk to him and hopefully it’s just him not understanding how this impacts you. But if he can’t realize that, then he may have a bigger issue and that could result in serious problems if you’re not ok with him doing that.
what a dork
He’s told you over and over with his actions that he’s perfectly happy disrespecting you and your relationship. That’s only going to get worse. Either you adjust to being with someone like that or you move on. It would give me the ick too.
I would ask myself why I wish I was the type of person who would be in a relationship with someone who disrespected me.
Why are you accepting this? He should be lusting over you, not getting his kicks from other women online, else what are you together for? you’ve let it go on to long and instead of addressing it when it became a problem he’s now become dependant on these women instead of you because you gave him the green light to carry on, which is absurd. This is not love, do you really believe all your worth is a partner who isn’t even interested in you and your needs and prefers to sit glued to his phone getting himself off? either tell him to draw it back and become more invested in your relationship or kick him to the curb, set your standards higher life is to short!!!
Oh he’s deep into his addiction. Porn has the ability to change perception and the way one thinks about the world around them. His only recourse is for him to want to stop, get real help and come back to reality. You can’t help him, he has to want to do this for himself. This will be too hard for most people to carry, it’s not gonna get any better. Nothing you do will help. Your best bet is to leave this situation.
Gooning as a word makes it sound childlike and harmless.
Really he’s just a creepy, sexually selfish perv.
Oof what a creepy man. I would be so embarrassed to be with someone who views women like objects.
So…
Geez, I can’t understand how you feel sad an lonely in this relationship [/s]. You are lonely because your partner cares more about the women behind the screen than the one beside him. You are unsatisfied because he doesn’t do absolutely nothing to satisfy you. The porn addiction is the shit cherry on top of the shit cake that is the treatment you’re receiving. It won’t get better, dump him before you waste more of your time on this loser! Situations like this can really mess up your self esteem and confidence in the sexual area, please don’t let this 🗑️ man ruin that for you.
My now husband used to do this to a degree while we were dating. We had several conversations about how it hurt me, how it alters your brain chemistry and shapes preferences. We had a conversation where I was ready to break up with him because I felt undesired and almost “cheated on”. I am a beautiful woman and I shouldn’t feel like the side chick in my own relationship to online women. He legit didnt realize on social media that you can flag posts as “I don’t like this type of content” and thought it was innate to what they were fed as men. He started curating his algorithm more carefully moving forward but had mentioned it will still try to push that type of content forward and he has to actively and continually flag it as unwanted content. He really took it seriously when he realized how much it impacted me and hasn’t been an issue since.
All this to say, girl you are worthy of your needs being met. You may love him, but someone who loves you will hear that something is hurting you and make actions to change it or compromise and it doesn’t sound like he is interested in making you feel seen and loved. Life is too short to be treated that way
Girl ur the only one who sees him as a boyfriend while he doesn’t consider u his girlfriend at all, leave
Your feelings are perfectly understandable! For one, photos are one thing, but I would consider it borderline, if not outright, cheating if he’s actually chatting with women on OF or anywhere else. Second, his actions are saying he cares more about porn and these random women than you; that’s what he invests his time and effort into. It definitely sounds like he has an addiction, but it is 100% his choice to try to change it or not, and you can’t make him. Will you be happy if this is how it is forever?
time for an ultimatum
Leave. Make him work to find and please a woman. You deserve so much more. It’s not sexual open mindedness to accept this kind of treatment!!!
I’ve caught my husband looking at stuff online before but all his sexual energy and attention is directed to me. 11 years in, knows how to satisfy me fully, can’t keep his hands off me, always flirting with me and complimenting me.
You deserve more.
I’m pretty fine with porn/crushes/etc….as long as we are meeting each other’s needs FIRST. And not JUST in the orgasm counter- i don’t feel jealous of my wife “gooning” over hot wrestler ladies because I have no doubt I’m her number one emotionally too.
If that’s not happening all brakes are hit hard till it is.
You need to lay down some rules around this and walk away if they aren’t respected.
I dont mean to sound like an asshole, but you are choosing to waste your precious, beautiful time on a simp. You deserve better than that.
Likely he’s always done that even before you knew him.
You’re wasting your own time. Give yourself more respect, hun. Move on ❤️
Girl you said it yourself.. it’s clear as day that you should find a partner who will not only satisfy you but also be willing to explore these things with you! I know it’s hard, since you love and care for him. But it sounds like things won’t change and you’re just gonna keep being unhappy. Get out while you can and don’t waste any more of your time
A lot of dudes seem to be addicted to porn but then show little actual interest in having sex with their partners. Watching porn is a passive activity and having sex with a partner takes more effort. It’s a laziness + instant gratification issue.
You’re not going to be able to change him unless he wants to change. And it doesn’t sound like he does. You’re sadly incompatible and I suggest you seriously consider breaking up and instead find someone that would be thrilled to please you in bed.
Girl, you seem to know what you want. And it clearly isn’t him. I think you know what you need to do.
You can be sexually open minded without being a doormat with no standards. Mistakes are correctable. Good luck.
You shouldn’t wish you were the kind of person to not be upset by this. You’re being disrespected constantly, your needs aren’t being prioritized, and he’s so addicted to porn that he doesn’t care that it makes you feel insecure (even if you don’t actually, he thinks you do). Even if he says none of this is true, his actions are saying something way different, and actions speak louder than words. He’s obviously gotten brain rot from constant porn exposure (which is oversaturated with male gaze and male pleasure focused content that de-centers women’s pleasure, and even promotes women’s pain and discomfort as something normal and sexy). Not to mention, he’s probably got death grip issues. It’s best to move on to someone who actually cares about your boundaries and pleasure
Saving pictures of other women?! So disrespectful. He has no respect for you and never will, get out. You will find someone so much better, promise!
ill never understand how women allow that type of bs in relationships.
Headline tells you all you need to know. Leave. Why be with someone that creeps you out? You don’t owe him or his depravity anything. Leave him to his porn and go have a fulfilling life with someone else.
So you’ve explained to your boyfriend before how this makes you feel, and he still doesn’t care. He still continues to do the very things that you have expressed make you feel disrespected and alone in the relationship.
How many more times are you going to try to express it to him before you realize that he simply doesn’t care? And I’m not trying to say this to be rude and I apologize if it comes across that way. But quite frankly, he doesn’t care. If he did, he would have changed his behavior the first time. Or he would have asked you for help, or he would have sought out help on his own if it’s truly an addiction. But everything he’s done, all of his actions show that he simply does not care about disrespecting you. And that he’s happy to continue doing it over and over and over again, because let’s be honest there’s no real true consequences for it.
Yeah ..so I think it’s completely normal and reasonable to be turned off by this… he’s lazy with your needs and inconsiderate to you and would rather ogle over girls he’ll probably never meet. You shouldn’t have to get over it. It’s so disrespectful. You know you deserve better. Don’t waste anymore time being unhappy. Life’s too short. Fr.
Dump that porn addict loser. He’s 1000000% cheating on you with these OF girls and if he isn’t he will.
He’s not worth it, break up with him. That’s not normal, even out of a relationship. That’s borderline disrespect considering he’s in a relationship and still liking sexual posts of other women
I’m assuming you’re also a woman. Your bf sounds like a creep and he clearly sees women as sexual tools for masturbation – ie: using you to nut in and not caring at all about your pleasure or satisfaction. There are tons of sexually free couples that talk about people being attractive outside of their relationship, but it’s not a one sided solo project at the expense of the relationship. I just saw a post yesterday where a woman asked if it was normal for her bf not to care about her cumming, there were hundreds of comments from men single to married that were talking about how much it mattered to them to pleasure their sexual partner. Please leave this guy, it won’t get better.
break up
Sex is one of the main pillars of any strong relationship. A relationship simply cannot survive if people are not a sexual fit (picture asexual person with someone with a high sex drive, that’d be extreme, but you get the point).
Now, having kinks and wanting an open relationship are two entirely different things. Are you ok with open relationship? Cause if not, what he’s doing would be considered cheating.
If you ask me, I’d move on. Find someone more compatible. Life is hard, relationship should be a plus in your life not one more burden to carry.