So this is going to sound fake, but I swear on my life it’s real. I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for just under a year. We’re happy, no real issues aside from his very involved mother who still treats him like he’s 12.
I met her three months in. I thought she was sweet, a little intense, but nothing outrageous. Then she started showing up to our place randomly with food. Texting me if he didn’t answer fast enough. Once she asked me if I was “letting him eat enough meat.” It was weird but manageable.
Then last week, she invited me to her house for “a surprise.” I went. She was glowing. She sat me down in the living room and unzipped a huge garment bag and pulled out a wedding dress. HER wedding dress. She had it cleaned and tailored and said, “I thought this would be perfect for when you marry my son.”
I didn’t know what to say. I laughed awkwardly and said “We’re not engaged,” and she just waved her hand and said, “Oh but it’s inevitable. You’re The One. I can feel it. I’ve already started planning. We’ll do the church I married his father in.”
I told my boyfriend and he thought it was funny. Like, “Haha, that’s just mom being mom.” I told him it felt invasive and creepy, and he got defensive and told me I was overreacting and that “it’s flattering.” I honestly don’t feel flattered. I feel like I’m being absorbed into a family cult. I’m not sure if this is a red flag or just a weird overstep, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
She’s now started texting me Pinterest boards of centerpieces and cake ideas.
Comments
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Backup of the post’s body:
So this is going to sound fake, but I swear on my life it’s real. I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for just under a year. We’re happy, no real issues aside from his very involved mother who still treats him like he’s 12.
I met her three months in. I thought she was sweet, a little intense, but nothing outrageous. Then she started showing up to our place randomly with food. Texting me if he didn’t answer fast enough. Once she asked me if I was “letting him eat enough meat.” It was weird but manageable.
Then last week, she invited me to her house for “a surprise.” I went. She was glowing. She sat me down in the living room and unzipped a huge garment bag and pulled out a wedding dress. HER wedding dress. She had it cleaned and tailored and said, “I thought this would be perfect for when you marry my son.”
I didn’t know what to say. I laughed awkwardly and said “We’re not engaged,” and she just waved her hand and said, “Oh but it’s inevitable. You’re The One. I can feel it. I’ve already started planning. We’ll do the church I married his father in.”
I told my boyfriend and he thought it was funny. Like, “Haha, that’s just mom being mom.” I told him it felt invasive and creepy, and he got defensive and told me I was overreacting and that “it’s flattering.” I honestly don’t feel flattered. I feel like I’m being absorbed into a family cult. I’m not sure if this is a red flag or just a weird overstep, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
She’s now started texting me Pinterest boards of centerpieces and cake ideas.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Yeah… run.
She is crazy and he can’t see how crazy that is.
Run or you will end on justnomil or MILfromhell
Yikes and the fact that her behavior is tolerated is 🚩🚩🚩 city
She just showed you the dress SHE’S going to wear to her son’s wedding. Run.
Thatsz crazy you need to get your bf to see that
If your boyfriend thinks this is “flattering”, you better take note now, because if you stay with this guy you are signing up for a lifetime of crazy and no boundaries from MIL and zero support from BF. Why would you want this? You said yourself, you feel like it is a cult. Don’t drink the Koolaid, run now!
That’s crazy. Unhealthy. Suffocating. Run from this family dynamic quickly.
Ooof. Nope. He laughed when you expressed your feelings RED FLAG! This runs deep, she is whackado and he thinks it is cute.
Can you imagine giving birth with her trying to scale the building to play catch? I can just from reading the little you shared.
Boundaries now. Shields UP! Choices and consequences time. You are your bf are miles apart on what is happening.
Personally I would bail, this situation isn’t going to resolve without years of therapy and will require constant maintenance. Love should be easy, not a struggle.
From his reaction I would start planning my escape. If that’s mom being mom then you are gonna have a lot of surprises if you decide to stay. A lot of your life is already planned. Just know that this is the life you choose if you do not get out because he’s never going to be on your side if his mother is on the other side.
If “mom being mom” is creepy and invasive, then mom herself is creepy and invasive.
If you like this guy and want to stay with him, DO NOT make any commitments to spend your life with him until he can identify the oversteps as clearly as you can and has set some boundaries in place.
Otherwise this woman is going to plan your whole wedding, stand beside you mouthing the words as you say “I do”, be in the delivery room staring at your cervix while your children are born and then refuse to let you hold “her” babies. She is that level of crazy.
Their dynamic isn’t healthy and frankly if he needs therapy to see that then it’s going to be a long road for you. If he doesn’t engage with therapy, don’t engage yourself to him.
For context my partner’s mother joked when my partner was best man when his brother got married “oh, redcore, he’s got a suit now! Quick! Propose!” – but it was literally just that, a joke, and whilst i know she’d love if we married she’s also made very clear that it’s our choice and she is not bothered if it doesn’t happen. What happened to you is… not that.
I mean, I’d try having a serious conversation with first your boyfriend then his mom.
If your boyfriend doesn’t take this as serious as it needs to be or if he gets defensive or angry, we’ll, then you know what to do. If he truly listens and take your concerns to heart and understands that boundaries are absolutely need then you both can move onto his mother.
This is pretty weird and invasive behavior. I wouldn’t tolerate it, honestly.
This has been in here with multiple endings. This is the way this AI story always starts
This is going to be your life.
It’s obvious now. You don’t have future MIL problem. You have a boyfriend problem
Oooh. Noooo.
RUN
If you marry him this will be your life.
Your bf is spineless and still attached to his mothers umbilical chord! Please run. He will never put your comfort or feelings above hers! You will always be second to her. You deserve someone who always has your back unconditionally. Updateme
So if you do end up getting married and having kids….this is going to just repeat itself given any new context the relationship brings. After reading this I’m imagining her calling your child her baby, showing up ALL the time, being super overbearing with decisions that should be yours as a parent, the list goes on.
I know this is jumping way into the future but just where my mind went. She’s showing you now she has no boundaries and no chill. Even if you try to set boundaries they will very likely never be respected. This would be a good reason to take a step back in my opinion. So sorry this happened.
You may be able to work with him, but he has to want to protect you emotionally from the OG woman in his life. If he doesn’t want to, you need to decide if that’ll be a deal breaker for you as it’s likely to keep happening to varying degrees.
It certainly would be interesting to get them together at some point and get him primed to ideally say that if you ever were to get married, that you would be doing all of your own planning such as the dress, venue and all and would let her know whatever you decided in the future.
She’s going to have to get that dress tailored a LOT if she keeps using this tactic with what is likely to be a long string of The Ones in his life.
Be very sure if you stay. Young men change more easily than their mothers. She will never change. Think really hard about what you want your life to look like. It’d be easier to jump ship now than later.
This would be a great time to walk the fuck away from this horseshit. There are billions of other people on the planet, and a sizable portion of those people don’t have mothers who are completely insane.
This is a massive red flag. You don’t want her as a MIL and your bf has shown he will never stand up for you or see his mom for the crazy person she is.
Stop all interaction with her ASAP. Tell bf she’s his problem and he needs to rein her in of it’s over.
Could you imagine kids with him and her. Oof
RUN HOP SKIP PARAGLIDE AWAY FROM THEM
That’s incredibly weird! I would shut it down quickly every time she mentions a wedding. “We’re not engaged” and walk away. If it persists and bf doesn’t put her in her place you need to seriously consider whether you can deal with this for the rest of your life.
If you do ever want to get married she will be a nightmare so you would need to stand firm on your boundaries “no we’re getting married at X venue” “no I want to pick out my own dress”. Or just elope and deal with the aftermath!
Runnnnnn
He’s a momma’s boy and he’s hiding it as much as he can until he gets you in a headlock
Run….for your life. She might end up keeping you in the basement.
TBF maybe her son, your boyfriend, told her that he was thinking of proposing?
It might explain it. If not then she’s weird or maybe she just has a gut feeling or he’s said he’d like to spend the rest of his life with you.
Run!
Maybe it’s her way of scaring the girlfriends off…
Run.
Run Away.
Fast.
If she is like this before he’s put a ring on your finger, she is going to be a million times worse when he finally marries some poor unsuspecting bride.
Oh, and tell him that the reason you’re breaking up is because of his ‘funny’ or ‘flattering’ mother.
Run like you’re the one wearing red at the Pamplona Bull run. RUN!!!!
Run like Hell. Across country if it’s all possible.
if your boyfriend isn’t putting up boundaries with your mom is doing things that make you uncomfortable. Wait till you are married and pregnant it’s only gonna get 20 times worse. If you feel red flags now you should probably run or do a sit down with your boyfriend to try and establish some type of boundaries.
I’d be concerned more about your boyfriend’s dismissal of the situation. You want marriage to a momma boy?
This behaviour doesn’t get better it gets worse…I’d run very fast.
Holy crap!!! RUN Not only is he a mommas boy, she ready to be married to BOTH of you. This is NOT funny, this IS sick! If you have just one neuron in your brain, RUN RUN
Not a MIL is living vicariously through you…this is not good.
Ooof
And bf saying that’s just how she is is a giant red flag that is big enough to blot out the sun. This relationship has run its course and time to move on, quickly.
Run, Forrest, run!
Leave now
NTA
“She’s now started texting me Pinterest boards” .. block her. And stop going over.
Let your bf tell her: If you ever get married, you will select your own dress and not use hers.
OK yeah it’s a cult. For your bf to wave it away like it’s normal means he’s not going to bat an eye whatever Mommy Dearest does.
Time to escape but don’t tell him beforehand. Just quietly plan your exist and run, girl, just run. This isn’t a red flag it’s a whole parade.
The fact your bf didn’t immediately get on the phone and tell her to quit it is the real red flag here. If you do decide to marry this man, you best believe you’ll be taking the backseat in the relationship, she’s driving.
You tell BF once more that not only is his mother invasive, but his complete lack of desire to stand up for you is making you rethink the entire relationship.
Either he’ll grow up and realize that he needs to stand up to his mother, or he’ll break up with you and you’ll be free.
Oedipus, Schmedipus, Mommy. I love you.
Run, don’t walk to the nearest exit, and leave them to each other and their… issues.
Listen to your gut – and DON’T let him baby trap you. Tell him the muffin factory is closed, and get the hell out. Good luck, OP. You got this.
This would be a run fast, run far, dye my hair and change my name situation because mama is nuts and thinks you’re the one for her special baby boy to the point she has where you’ll get married and what you’ll wear (to your own wedding) already planned. And junior over there thinks it’s something you should feel flattered about ?? She is not going to take your break up well and it will only be worse the longer you stay with that guy. This is the kind of woman who IF you did end up marrying her son, would chose where you live, how you decorate that home she chose, when you have kids, what they’re named, and every other decision that is not hers to make all with her sons approval because y’know you should be honored she cares so much and you don’t want to hurt her feelings. Girl… get out now.
…… are they going to eat you for dinner one of these days? This is sooooooo weird.
she’s nice to you cause you’re not standing up for yourself firm enough- this will quickly change in bith sides
run
DUMP HIM NOW!! RUN AND DON’T LOOK BACK!!
One way to deal with that would be to tell them you guys don’t ever plan on getting married because it’s against your religion. But tell her dress is so pretty that she should actually renew her vows
OP, please don’t ignore the red flags. If you stay in the relationship and end up marrying this is not going to get any better. You are dating a man with a mother that has no boundaries and he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. She will always try to take over every aspect of your life and he will never see anything wrong with it. Don’t do that to yourself. Walk way now
Moved in together too fast. This will be your life. People don’t change.
He’s not the one for you. Way too enmeshed with his mommy.
Tell her she’ll look great in that dress and you’re looking forward to attending her wedding. 😆
🚩🚩🚩🚩 NOOOOO! 🚩🚩🚩🚩She wants you to wear her dress in the church she got married in to marry her son. He thinks it’s funny and that you should be flattered? Get out of this madness right now. It will get worse with time. Don’t get engaged. Don’t get married. Don’t have his baby. Want to know what you should do? RUN.
LOL – that’s the tip of the iceberg. Good luck with this.
Girl you need to run. She is unhinged and he is perfectly fine with her behaviour
And you tell him “your mother is delusion, and the fact you think her behaviour is normal is concerning. I can’t be with someone who is fine with his mother stomping all over normal boundaries”
Yeah it’s a little creepy , but at least she approves of you
This woman has already planned your life for you because she can’t see her son as an individual person with his own life. If you stay, you’ll have a lifetime of her making decisions for your relationship.
End this relationship. This “mother-in-law” will drive you crazy
Girl run 🚩🚩🚩 if you stay with this guy there will be three people in your marriage and you won’t have any say or any privacy. He’s a Momma’s boy and she will always come first.
She will never change and he won’t either. If you don’t want to live with this, walk away.
Notice she already decided where you were having your wedding. She’s literally just planning her own wedding gain, but she’s gonna marry her son vicariously through you.
Run.
Updateme
Jfc, I don’t normally comment on these things but that stuff is bunny boiler crazy. Run away!
He probably told his mom he’s thinking about marrying you and she jumped 20 steps ahead. She sounds super intense
Reminds me of the mom of a boy I dated when I was a teen..
She was overbearing as hell, but I’m good at navigating difficult situations.
When he and I broke up, she showed up at my house crying, telling me how much she missed me and wished we would get back together.
you need to see this for the huge red flag that it is. the fact that he isn’t shutting this down and is defending it means he’s a mommy’s boy which means you will ALWAYS come in behind his mother. she will be his wife. you will be the side piece he fucks and has babies with for her to raise. you will spend your life with this man in second place and become the enemy when you try to push back. run now before you’re in any deeper.
Run!
This is a small glimpse into your future.
DO NOT GET PREGNANT
You dated for less than a year but you already share a place?
His mom just proposed to you!!
Geez… what is she gonna do if you get pregnant? You’re just gonna have to hand that kid over. Tough break weird in-laws are so difficult to deal with.
Echoing those who scream “RUN!” If she’s this bad now, if you get pregnant, holy hell, Batman.
You described this as a “family cult.” You’re not wrong. Get out.
This is giving ‘It gets the hose’ vibes. It’s also giving “Get Out”, with a huge dash of “Psycho” thrown in for good measure. Weird af.
You’ve been together for less than a year and live together?! And you’re worried that she’s jumping into things too fast… It sounds like she’s just jumping on the band wagon. And dear bf not freaking out proposals, probably on its way…
Time to break up. He needs someone who would find that flattering (crazy). You need someone who either has a mom who behaves normally or someone who sets legitimate boundaries with their mom.
OMG
There is nothing cute, but definitely something creepy in how attached he is to mommy.
Run away as fast and as far as you possibly can from this red flag factory.
That’s creepy af and all I can say is run your ass off like you’re Forrest Gump. Be the best decision you ever made. Trust me.
Run! Yes, that is a huge red flag, especially since your boyfriend is enabling her and making excuses for her. His mom sounds nuts!
If all he does is defend her behavior, it’s safe to say he’ll never correct it in the future. If you marry this man, you’re marrying his mother as well. I’d think long and hard about whether or not that’s what you want.
Run !!
The very good news is that you found out NOW.
Which means that NOW, you can act accordingly. Which is RUN!!
When people show you who they are, believe them! His mother is wildly overstepping and he doesn’t see it. Run.
You could run and find a new boyfriend. There’s still time. Personally I would block his mother from texting or calling you. The next time she shows up unannounced, don’t answer the door. Hopefully she will get the message.
This is the MIL who tries to force her way into the delivery room. Leave now.
Run!!!
It’s both, is what it is. Her wanting you to wear her gown-and to “plan” your entire wedding is a huge over step. Your boyfriend being dismissive and acting like it’s not really a problem, THERE is the red flag. This is a wee, bite sized sampler of the life you’ll live if you stay and eventually marry your boyfriend.
I’d start making an exit strategy, immediately. Updateme
So you have a mom in law that will like you… ???
Run
And you found out why he’s single. His mom is a delusional nut job and he’s an enabler.
Either that or he’s told his mom something you don’t know about and shes ruining the surprise. 😆 but I wouldn’t marry if he did ask after this nightmare. lol
Shes nuts, and she’ll just get nutter if you have a baby! Dont get pregnant, and RUN!
Yeah, this would probably be a deal breaker for me. If he won’t stand up to her now he never will.
Urk.
You realise that your bf’s mother just lowkey proposed to you on his behalf?
This is wrong on so many levels.
She is already planning a wedding when you aren’t engaged. Jumping the gun, much?
She is already handing you her dress expecting you to wear it. Who even agreed to that?
Your boyfriend sees absolutely nothing wrong with this behavior because he is either as crazy as her, or completely blind to the enmeshment he is currently in. Just because “mom is being mom” doesn’t make it right or appropriate.
Just gonna hazard a guess here, but I’m thinking even if they think YOU are the one, he most definitely is NOT.
Tell her that you have no intention of ever marrying and want to remain child free – watch her head explode and the chaos ensue, lol.
Texting you centerpieces?!!!!! Has BF realized she is insane yet? If not, RUN. Maybe run even if he sees it.
It’s nice that she likes you, I guess.
Obviously she’s a bit unhinged but it does sound like she’s basically well-meaning.
You could just accept that she’s a benign nutter and let her have her fantasy life – you don’t actually have to engage or agree, just let it roll past like a six year old telling you an incredibly involved story about a dinosaur who’s also a detective who does kung fu and drives a train … It sounds like this is the approach your boyfriend takes, which makes me think that this is a basic feature of her personality.
Or, if you really can’t learn to live with it, you need to sit her down and very clearly tell her that she’s overstepping and if she doesn’t back off, then you’ll be leaving her son. If she genuinely thinks you’re “the one”, hopefully that will be the short sharp shock she needs to get back to reality.
Meanwhile, you need to explain to your boyfriend that his mother is Not Normal. He almost certainly has no idea that other mothers don’t act like this. He also needs the “deal with it or we break up” ultimatum.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Guess who’s gonna move next door? And you’re going to have Sunday dinner with for the rest of your life. And your partner is going to have to run over to save every time the faucet is leaking. And will be quitting her job to take care of her grandbabies full time. “Mom just being Mom” means someone will never, ever, ever set a boundary.
Ask me how I know.
Sit down with the BF. Tell him his mother is getting way ahead of herself and both that AND his reaction to her behavior are huge red flags for the future of your relationship. Give him the chance to reevaluate his response and appreciate how his mother’s behavior is an indication of a terrible future together.
If he can’t see it, say bye bye. But have a serious, sit down, look into each other’s eyes talk first.
Hell no, RUN. Momma has zero boundaries and BF is a doormat.
“I’m not sure this relationship is going to work out. This isn’t a breakup, but I need you to really hear me right now or it will be.
You are ok with your mother’s behavior. To you this is normal. For me it’s not. To most people it’s not. You completely disregarding my reaction is a red flag that I’m not willing to ignore.
This is not flattering. The fact you got so defensive shows me you will always put her crazy before my comfort. This is enmeshment.
We are not engaged. While I love you, we are not even close to deciding if we are each other’s forever people.
Your mother certainly does not get to decide to plan our wedding if we are.
I think we need some space. This isn’t a break or breakup. I just really need you to do some self reflecting here on us as a couple and honestly any future women you date if we don’t survive this. I’m going to do the same. Let’s take a few days and we can talk about where we want to go from there.”
This is why I tell my daughters, don’t move in with a partner until you have dated for two years, spent a significant time with their family, traveled, and dealt with a life shitsandwhich (grief, job loss, etc). This is when the real person you love comes out from under the dating mask.
Bf will need to realize how serious it is or play this same game with his future girlfriends
She’s very controlling and entitled. She doesn’t care about what you want or what her son wants. He’s been conditioned to believe this is normal. It reminds me of my mom, I had to go through therapy to get help and find out what was wrong. She was diagnosed with NPD and BPD. They’re worth looking into to see if your potential future mother in law fits those personality disorders too.
Watch r/ iloveamamasboy and get a glimpse of your future 😏
Ok, time to have another talk with BF and tell him it is not funny or flattering. It is creepy, invasive and over the top. He needs to shut it down now. If he doesn’t or pushes back you have your answer. He will always choose her.
At least she likes you… verified by pulling out her dated dress for you to wear. She will be giving him a family ring next to propose.
It’s a delicate spot you’re in. The BF obviously doesn’t see his mom in any bad light at all. You can either run away from this basket of crazy who will be overstepping boundaries all of the time. Or you can have a serious conversation with your BF about it and try to hammer home how wild it is and see if he will help set boundaries.
It’s super weird but also kinda adorable because she could hate you and be making your life hell… Again though… weird but it could be worse. I think if you were genuinely happy enough in your relationship this wouldn’t be as much as an issue so maybe you’re not so into this relationship with you think you are.
“Just mom being mom.” “Overreacting.” Random quotation marks. AI hallmarks with a side of “it’s real” denial.
In the possibility that this is real, establish your own boundaries with his mother. You don’t need to block his mother on text but don’t respond. Don’t feed that beast. Don’t visit with her. He can go alone.
Tell your boyfriend that the random drop ins have to stop. She needs to call first and he needs to learn the phrases “This isn’t a good time,” and “I’ll pick up the food on my way to work/the store, etc.” You don’t really know this person in full; you’ve been together less than a year and now the problems are starting to show themselves. If he can’t set boundaries, that’s one red flag. His mother’s unchecked behavior, another red flag. And dismissing your feelings, red flag #3. My guess is that if you take off your “new love” blinders, there’s more about this relationship that’s a problem. If he won’t address these issues, you’ve been with this guy less than a year. Move out and don’t tell his mother where you go. You can still date, but that “you’re overreacting” is the language of a man who dismisses your legitimate feelings–and you as a person. That would be a dealbreaker in it’s common in your relationship.
Reads like AI
Run.
I know that people hate when you jump to “leave him!” right away, but if you don’t nip this in the bud now it’s going to be like this for the rest of your relationship.
If you marry him, you will never have control of your life ever again. She will dictate every aspect of your marriage and your life. She literally picked out your wedding dress for you; she didn’t even stop to consider what kind of dress you’d want. She just decided that you’d wear her dress and that was that. And imagine if you have kids with them. You won’t be the mother to them; she will because she’ll butt into every aspect of the childcare. You’ll just be the egg donor to her. And the fact that your boyfriend sees no problem with her behavior is the biggest red flag of them all.
How fast can you run?
Because your boyfriend is perfectly happy with his mom treating him like he is twelve years old, and that will absolutely NOT change if you get engaged or married. You will end up as the third wheel to he and his mom.
Run
Run
I went to my friend’s mom’s house. We weren’t dating. Just friends.
His mom pulled me aside and said I was good for her son and should marry him. I was stunned. It was so long ago I can’t remember how I responded. But, when we left I told him his mother proposed to me on his behalf. He was like.. Wait, what? We had a good laugh.
Go with your gut. The way things are unfolding, this is not a healthy environment, and he’s not the type of man who’s going to protect you (and any children) from his cult leader mom. She’s so comfortable with you that she let more than 50% of the crazy show because she thinks you’ll join in appeasing her and not rocking the boat. Get off the sinking ship. It’s not worth it. You’ve not even been together a year.
She’s nuts, stay away from her
I’d think it was fiction if my bio-mom were’t kinda the same / opposite.
My sister and I both had friends & rom interests get chased away with threats of violence “…if you ever do anything to harm my baby…”
Check with his friends about both him and her. He may have already bought the ring, or he may be s victim of crazy.
Read up on enmeshment, codependency, and emotional incest to be better equipped to understand and respond to how your boyfriend is going to react to whatever happens between y’all regarding his mother going forward. Good luck with whatever happens.
Not sure if you realize but you have a boyfriend problem. This is a red flag the size of a high-rise. It will only get worse
Dump him and tell him it’s because of his mother. Maybe it will make him do some introspection.
OP, you need to put a stop to this. Don’t rely on him (and that’s a separate issue). Explain to her that you appreciate her enthusiasm, but when that time comes, you’ll be wanting to choose your own venue, type of do and dress. I agree with other commenters about him being pathetic, however, you need to nip this in the bud now. Deal with him later.
Please make sure that he nor her can tamper with your birth control….
This is a GIANT RED FLAG!!! Run now!
His mom needs some hobbies. Can you like buy her Fourth Wing and a how to learn embroidery kit to keep her busy? What she really needs is to date but that might be harder to make happen.