I’m at a breaking point with my husband and his brother, and I need some outside perspectives.
Last year, my husband invited his brother to move in with us. His brother had never worked before, and my husband, wanting to help him get on his feet, offered him a place to stay. He moved in with us on May 27th, and since then, it’s been a constant back-and-forth of freeloading.
For the first few months, my brother-in-law didn’t pay any rent. Eventually, he got a freelance job and started paying rent, but only for three months. Then, his freelance job ended, and once again, he didn’t pay rent for several months. Now, he’s got another freelance gig, and he paid one month’s rent. My husband asked him to pay for the months he missed, but instead of taking responsibility, my brother-in-law started complaining that my husband is “draining his money” and accused him of being ungrateful.
On top of that, my husband showed him his payslip, and his brother criticized my husband’s income, saying it’s “tiny.” The thing is, my husband has been supporting him this whole time. Now, my husband is talking about buying gold as an investment, and I feel like he’s completely avoiding the real issues at hand. I feel like my husband is dreaming about future investments, while we’re dealing with this toxic situation with his brother.
Whenever they talk, my husband is so chatty and happy with his brother, and it pisses me off. It feels like he just doesn’t care about how I feel, and he’s completely ignoring the fact that his brother is taking advantage of him. It’s frustrating, and I feel like I’m not being heard. I don’t even want to talk to him about it anymore because it feels like a waste of time.
I know this isn’t healthy, but I don’t know how to get through to him. What should I do? Am I wrong to feel this way, or is this a situation where my husband should take a harder stance?
Comments
It sounds like your husband is happy with his brother there. It’s costing you guys money, but he’s getting something out of it. You can’t expect BIL to pay anything, because he showed that he won’t.
So, you’re spending money (a lot? Or just a little?) to have your BIL live there, which your husband likes. Kind of like spending money on games or sports or drinks or any hobby. Maybe it’s a question of how much this is costing you, and how much it’s worth. If you sit down and do some math, you might be able to show your husband what’s going on, and maybe make some kind of compromise plan.
For one thing, if he mentions investing in gold, you can point out that he’s already investing that money in his brother, so there isn’t money left for gold.
Well, you gotta realise. That’s his brother. He’s been thru the wars with him. Flesh of his flesh, blood of his blood.
ANd you’re just someone he met in a bar.