I am so heartbroken and angry I don’t even know where to start.
My brother let’s call him Tom(non American)is married to Helen(American). They met in college and Helen got pregnant while my brother was taking a break from his then gf. Due to my culture, Tom was obligated to marry Helen. It all seemed fine tbh because Helen did his Green Card for him.
Ps: Helen was a thicker woman like Ashley Graham ( important to keep in mind) and my brother annoyingly is an objectively attractive man.
Well Tom absolutely thrashes Helen to us and we all think Helen is a loser who baby trapped him. I really couldn’t be bothered with them so I didn’t visit them much.
Fast forward 10 years later, Helen and Tom have 5 kids and like the normal human body, Helen is significantly bigger now and my brother has been treating her like absolute shit.
He took a picture of her naked after she had showered and said “look who is going to want to f&ck this?”. Called her a pig in heels etc. and also constantly lets her know that he can find an attractive woman. He yells at her in front of the kids and he parents the kids in a toxic way.
I have become privy to this because I visited them and witnessed it. I asked Helen and she opened up and teared. I am so shocked and angry and disappointed.
My brother was an absolutely great brother. We grew up in an unstable home and he guided him, my sister and I through life. He was our second parent. Our protector. He was strict but that led us to highly competitive Ivy League colleges and competitive jobs. I just can’t wrap my head around this.
He absolutely has her cornered. She has 5 kids under 10. She’s in her mid 30s and is somewhat dependent on him.
I tried to have a conversation with him but he blew up and I don’t think I’ll be allowed to see the kids again. His wife is also scared because he’s upset that she has embarrassed him to his sisters.
I truly want to guide her out of this situation. I don’t know who my brother is anymore and my goal right now is to assist my sister in law and my nieces and nephews.
Please please let me know if you have a bright idea
Comments
I think you should throw hands
Your brother is an abuser and this is what they do, they trap their victims and try to ensure they can never leave.
Help her to help herself. Work with her to come up with a plan to get out of this abusive relationship. Maybe she needs to try and take training for a trade job. You can help her find child care, help her find a job or help her get into schooling. Look to for local organizations that help abused women and children if there are any. Religious organizations also sometimes offer that type of help.
It is going to be hard for a while but they absolutely need to get out of that abusive situation before it escalates to violence if it hasn’t already.
What country do they live in?