I just need to get this off my chest. Might be a bit venty, so sorry in advance. For clarity, I’m a trans man who has already shared part of my weird relationship wrt gender with my brother, and whose family and household consists of
- the brother in question
- a brother who seems to be chiller abt queer people
- a brother I just genuinely have no idea about
- and parents who rabidly despise anybody who even considers that being cisgender and heterosexual could be anything other than, and I quote, “a hate crime against God” for which my parents feel the need to “hit back” against.
So. Just giving the most basic rundown of that whole situation so y’all know how terrifying it is for me for somebody I thought was normal abt queer people to turn around and use “feminist” as an insult.
I justâŚI think I’m actually going to go insane. This brother actually came out to me a few years back, (though I’m not gonna say as what,) and now he’s seemingly made an about-face to double down on our parents’ hatred. My parents were supportive of me getting top surgery, but only because my pre-surgery chest wasâŚstatistically improbable and logistically impossible, let’s call it; I still have to act like a cheerful young woman of an appropriate level of femininity, maybe even more so now that the surgery’s been done and I can’t breast boobily throughout the house anymore. I can’t even trust that the other brother who seems chill is actually chill! That’s what I thought about this one, but here we are!
It’s like he’s going down the incel rabbit hole all over again, and this time he’s already decided to dismiss anything I say out of hand because I was born with the “wrong” set of organs.
I hate this timeline đ˘
Comments
Ugh, Iâm so sorry you’re dealing with this. Itâs not just that heâs using âfeministâ as an insult, itâs the whole vibe of rejecting anything that challenges the strict control your family seems to push. Itâs really painful when someone who once felt safe turns around and starts parroting the same toxic stuff youâve been trying to survive.
Youâre definitely not overthinking it. People from environments like that sometimes cling to those beliefs just to feel like they have power or to avoid becoming a target themselves. That doesnât make it hurt any less, though.
Also, being tolerated only when youâre performing a version of yourself that keeps everyone else comfortable isnât real acceptance. That pressure is exhausting, and it makes total sense that youâre feeling overwhelmed.
You deserve to be around people who respect you without conditions. Please take care of yourself and set whatever boundaries you need to stay safe emotionally. Youâre not alone in this.
Have you tried introducing him to what feminism is actually about? Don’t lecture him, ask if he’s willing to looking it up with you, like have a read of the Wikipedia page together, it’s going to take quite some time.
Most importantly however, is he doing it against you? If you have this feeling you should point it out to him, and share how that make you feel.
That said, have no expectations, and keep safe, from your parents as well.