Hi guys, long story short, my elder brother is engaged to his long-term girlfriend (now fiancé) since last year. They’re planning a wedding internationally in their home country on January 2026. From the very beginning, neither of them spoke to me directly about any of the planning. I never even knew they got engaged until we were at a family gathering at a bar when I overheard my brother talking to just my elder sister and I was sitting right next to her. Everyone that night, even my uncles and aunts knew about the engagement, and I was the last to know due to overhearing a conversation. (Note: my brother and I both live in the same house with my parents, my sister lives with her boyfriend).
Fast forward to earlier this month when they had an engagement party, they invited both families but me. I believe they just think that any information would just be relayed to me by other people and that would suffice. They picked out a date for the wedding and everything, invited everyone directly to come, of course, I was not a part of that conversation(s). All necessary information was personally provided by them to everyone in both families. I only know about the date through my aunt and sister. They picked a date that is in-between my semesters of college, so theoretically I would be free from classes then, and I’m not sure if they had me in mind for that.
Since the engagement party, my brother still has not said one word to me about the wedding. My parents of course expect me to come since we’re family, but I feel blind-sighted and honestly bitter that I’ve been entirely disregarded throughout this whole process. It feels almost disrespectful.
Just for context, my brother and I aren’t close growing up, there was always a slight sense of animosity, but otherwise, we coexist. His fiancé and I aren’t close either but she’s friendly and my parents love her. Is it okay to skip the wedding even though we are family? I do not feel like spending $2k+ to buy flight tickets and skip out on work to attend a wedding that I wasn’t even directly invited to by someone who lives in the same house as me.
Comments
Honestly? You’re not wrong for feeling hurt. Being left out like that especially by someone who lives under the same roof is painful and feels really disrespectful.
You’re not obligated to spend thousands or rearrange your life for a wedding you were never even personally invited to. Family or not, invitations should be intentional, not assumed.
If you skip it, that’s not petty that’s setting a boundary. You’re allowed to protect your peace, especially when others haven’t considered your feelings.
It is strange he didn’t say anything to you at all about it
am surprised you live in the same home with him and your parents, and you never heard a darn thing about an engagement or a wedding at all? just speak with your brother you and your brother alone and ask him why no one bothered to let you know. i suspect you heard talk of it, you didn’t say anything, your bother thinks you don’t give a damn. you think your brother is excluding you and it’s all a big misunderstanding
Tell your parents you’ll go if they pay your ticket! You weren’t involved after all, that’s the least they can do!