Last night just before midnight my(46m) brother(47m) had a flat tire driving on the interstate. For whatever reason he pulled the car into the median and when he tried to cross he was struck by a car and killed instantly. He was very strung out and struggled with drug addiction for years so I am almost certain that he was high on something. I think Meth but not 100%.
He was at our Dads house just after 9pm and sometime between then and the accident he made two videos that I found on his phone where he admitted how bad his addiction was and he was so scared in the videos. It’s like a vlog style confession but he was hyper hyper paranoid and thought someone had put a hit out on him, that people were following him, that his phone was bugged, etc etc…
The part I’m really having a hard time with is just how terrified he looked because it was all very real to him. He and I weren’t on the best of terms because of his addiction (which he denied to the very end) and how he treated our parents but he was my big brother and I loved him so much. I told him after our mom died this past Feb and he tried stealing her phone on her literal deathbed that I didn’t want him around my house any more and I went mostly no contact. My hope was that it would be enough to make him finally realize he had to make a change. It didn’t work and now he is gone and I can’t get that time back.
Also found out from his text messages who his dealer was and a bunch of the people that he would get high with. All the messages are there with names and numbers. I’m taking it to the drug task force unit on Tuesday to see if they can use it to hopefully get some of these people some help before they end up dead as well. I don’t have the police report yet but the Hwy Patrol officer said it was a young guy that hit him and I feel so fucking awful for him because there was a LOT of trauma. I’m struggling with that as well because there’s not really any body left so we are having to get him cremated. We knew this would eventually happen but just the way he died I can’t get it out of my head.
I don’t even know where to start with what I should do here. I am on a fixed income and can’t afford to just go to therapy. What the hell do I do to get past this nightmare??
edit* cause a bot told me to make some paragraphs
Comments
Jesus Christ dude, I don’t know, but I’m so sorry.
Pray for peace in your heart. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry. Random thought. Reach out to the kid and talk to him? Maybe you could help yourself by speaking to him? I’m sure it would help him. My very very close friend committed suicide years ago. All I could think about was him and his brains inside of his truck for 3 days on the hottest day of the year. I was the last to speak with him. He had to be identified but his lower torso. What about a survivors group? NA? Those are free. Nothings worse than grief. Nothing. Your body carries is with you and your brain won’t let you forget. If it helps. Try to move when you feel it coming on. Welcome to dm me if you are struggling. Please update us.
Check with your mental health facilities through the state you should be able to find a mental heath referral
So sorry for your loss. Deepest condolences, and prayers.
Sorry about your brother. Addiction is a disease.
Your insurance will cover therapy btw. Call them for resources to ones in their network. It’s good to talk to someone.
This is so sad. So sorry for your loss
Sorry for your loss and I ask you to stay strong as that’s all he would be wishing for you right now.🙏Due to grieving I would suggest taking time. Once you have baring in mind that these things can in fact take time, if you haven’t the money for counselling there are certain things we can do in order to get by such things some of these things are self reflection techniques which you would be able to find out about online but this is primarily to deal with longstanding trauma rather than something that has happened so abruptly. First we must go through the grieving process sadly. If you need anything feel free to give me a message, I know you don’t know me etc. but people who are going through such things sometimes need someone who they can talk to. If more comfortable engage with a friend. Grieving is one of the most cruel things we all go through with loved ones and I hope you are okay brother🙏.
I’m so, so sorry. I wish for your healing.
I’m really sorry, if you need to talk to anyone I’m here! I lost my dad and grandpa (high on meth) accidentally drowned themselves. Navigating the loss of an addict can be really tough, my heart goes out to you!!!!!
Oh, hun, I’m so sorry. Can you find some online groups for those dealing with complicated grief? That might be a good start. Things will get better, remind yourself of that. Hugs.
Try to meditate, and focus on all the prayers being sent your way….let them calm and comfort you!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I’m sorry for your loss.
My condolences to you. I’m so sorry.
There are therapists that offer a sliding scale for people with low incomes. Look into that. I am so sorry you are going through this now.
Oh my. That’s a real load to bear. All things considered, you seem to be handling it ok. You’re still functioning and doing what needs to be done. If you’ve got health benefits, it’s likely it covers therapy.
Some areas have a special phone number, like 311 for trying to find services. See if there’s something that will help.
Sorry for your loss brother 🙏 try to hang in there it just happened go easy on yourself and give yourself time to grieve. If you’re family can’t afford the cremation I’m sure the state would step in somehow to help good luck and God bless!!
I am so very sorry! It is NOT your fault! You did everything yo support him and finally had to show “tough love”.
Do not take on the guilt of his passing or that you had to take a stance.
I’m sure deep down, despite his addiction he loved you and KNEW you loved him. At the moment, he was not able to help himself.
This helpline is for the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Association (SAMSHA) I have 2 numbers for you:
Is: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Or
1-877-726-4727
They are open 24/7, 365 days a week
Tell them what you told me. They have resources you can use. You’re hurting right now and they should be willing to help or point you in the right direction. If all else fails, call 911 or your local non-emergency number. There’s no shame in asking for help. Best wishes and good luck! 😊
Call the nami.org hotline they can probably recommend a therapist that takes your insurance or is on a sliding scale otherwise free support groups. You can also call 211 to find support through your county.
He was probably high which is why he made unsafe decisions and wasn’t careful.
Im sorry for your loss. None of this was your fault. He was sick and refusing help. You can’t make people get help.
Keeping you in my prayers.
I’m sorry for your loss. You can try to access more affordable counselling through social services. Some places give you lower therapy cost based on income.
Sorry for your loss.
Honey, I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself and your family.